Page 4 | Completely do-able to live in a TFF with 2 kids?

nestlestealswater · 10/03/2021 03:55

We're in a fourth floor two bedroomed flat with two five year olds. It's fine! We do have to go on at them about jumping and stomping, but we don't suffer from a lack of garden - we take them to the park every day so they have plenty of unstructured time outdoors. I actually prefer it to the four bedroom semi that we had before (we moved to a place with a much higher cost of living) because it's easier to clean, easier to keep an eye on the kids and it's lovely to entirely avoid door knockers! And you get used to the stairs very quickly.

Frazzledd · 10/03/2021 04:29

Maybe I'm just frazzled then ....I think it'd be far easier when my 2dds are 5, I really do miss a house, plus I recently had abdominal surgery so the awkward stairs are now painful, sleepless nights with teething, neighbour issues...I suppose it all depends on your personal circumstances.

Everythings doable until its not

MaliceOrgan · 10/03/2021 04:42

I was brought up in a top floor flat with my brother. We were close to a park and never felt like we were missing out. We'd have had to live miles away from school/ my parents work to be able afford a house.

Loads of people manage it, especially in cities

Comtesse · 10/03/2021 05:21

Plenty of families live in flats! Go and see it before getting overexcited though....

AndThenTheDayBecomesTheNight · 10/03/2021 06:14

Brits are ridiculous about flats (but then they are also ridiculous about renting being 'throwing money away' - it pays for a home - although that attitude is partly the fault of an equally ridiculous housing market/system and the associated legislation). I'd take it, as long as you like it and can see yourselves living there.

Frazzledd · 10/03/2021 06:25

@AndThenTheDayBecomesTheNight

Brits are ridiculous about flats (but then they are also ridiculous about renting being 'throwing money away' - it pays for a home

- although that attitude is partly the fault of an equally ridiculous housing market/system and the associated legislation). I'd take it, as long as you like it and can see yourselves living there.

I think there's far more positive comments about flat living on this thread than negative? Mine aren't, but that's more my situation than the actual flat, which is lovely. Why are brits ridiculous?

Bear2014 · 10/03/2021 06:34

Flats are absolutely fine but I would personally hold out for a ground floor one. Then the garden becomes a handy extra room and the kids can potter out there when you're inside. We lived in a top floor flat and struggled to buy any furniture that would fit up the stairs.

Namenic · 10/03/2021 06:34

I lived in a large 2 bed flat with 2 kids and 3 adults- not in U.K.. It was ground floor, but fine. Personally the flat sounds like a good option - but I guess not really possible to get if DH hates it.

I guess the other option is - move to another area when kids get bigger - but when? Perhaps look at areas to get when oldest is ready for secondary (maybe there are after school clubs and babysitting may be easier to get for older kids?). Otherwise maybe when oldest is 14 (though would have to go through moving schools)?

AndThenTheDayBecomesTheNight · 10/03/2021 06:39

Frazzledd, there's a sizeable minority saying 'I couldn't possibly live in a flat, hold out for a house'. I'm a European flat dweller (originally from UK) and I've encountered flat snobbery from people 'back home' who don't understand (or even consider) that things might be different elsewhere. Sometimes I hanker after a little house with my own directly accessible garden, but life in a flat with spacious rooms and access to a garden or beautiful balcony/terrace (and who doesn't get properly dressed to go in their garden?) is absolutely not the nightmare some appear to imagine it to be.

oohmama · 10/03/2021 06:46

No purely because the stress of trying to keep kids quiet for the downstairs neighbours would probably kill me....
I am a people pleaser though and can't stand any form of conflict so...

stayathomer · 10/03/2021 07:04

Rolling my eyes at the people talking about snobbery, it's not snobbery to want to live somewhere you don't have to shush your kids in their own home or be careful how much noise you make, what time you put on noisy appliances etc. You get used to the climbing, lugging aspect of it.
Op what I worry most about is your thing that it's to get on the ladder. We bought a flat for this reason and now 15 years later we're landlords because it never sold. We were properly poor for 5 years trying to pay rent and the mortgage on our flat as we couldn't live there. My biggest advice in life now is never buy if you can't see yourself there in 20 years time but if your dh isn't willing to move areas yes that's different

Number16 · 10/03/2021 07:09

From your pp you've got recent experience of flat living with children, so the fact that your DH is set against it makes me think he may be being more reasonable than he sounds. Whilst compromise is important when buying, if one of you hates it and doesn't grow to accept the downsides, it's going to cause tension and make one of you unhappy. I've bought 3 properties with DH, both times there have been houses one of us absolutely loved and the other hated, so we had to let it go. Our last house I wasn't keen on (massive renovation) and I regretted agreeing to buying it, we moved after 5 years as I never settled there. You sound like a realist, but is the alternative to carry on renting, widen your search area, save for longer? You have to find a path that works for both of you.

LakieLady · 10/03/2021 07:19

When I was 9 and my DB was almost 1, we moved into a 3rd floor council flat, without a lift.

We managed. There was a lockable shed on the ground floor and the pram/pushchair stayed in there. The only thing my mum used to struggle with was getting shopping and toddler up the stairs. She used to leave the shopping at the bottom, carry him up, plonk him in his cot and go back down for the shopping.

The only way I can see of your DH getting a house sometime soon is moving much further out, and that will come with a whole host of different issues and costs.

BigPaperBag · 10/03/2021 07:28

DS and I lived in one when he was between the ages of 6-9. It was fine. We went to the nearby park if he wanted some fresh air to play out. If you’ve got that you’ll be fine.

Quartz2208 · 10/03/2021 07:28

I think your DH needs a dose of reality given the size of it is likely to be fairly large as ex LA properties are and the ground rent and maintenance is low and in a perfect location is sounds like a good solutoon

NotQuiteUsual · 10/03/2021 07:30

With small blocks of flats, getting a feel for the general vibe is important. We've lived into two. One was horriblde, loud selfish neighbours, the smell of pot, crying children wandering into halls.

The other was amazing. Everyone knew each other and chatted, we all pet sat, bbqed together and kept an eye out for each other. The stairs wouldn't worry me, but the atmosphere would.

Brunt0n · 10/03/2021 07:35

We live in a TFF (3rd) with no lift, and a toddler, right now but are (hopefully) moving to a house soon.

It is a pain carting a child and all your stuff up and down the stairs and I am looking forward to not having to do anymore. We kept the buggy in the boot of the car which made that easier. Noise wise I am cautious of it and even things like putting the washing machine or hoover on later at night, i’m cautious of the people below us.

I think having the outdoor private garden is a game changer though, that’ll definitely help. We just have a balcony but it was worth it’s weight in gold especially during the first lockdown when we couldn’t get out and about.

We bought this when we were child free but it has allowed us to make the first step on the ladder and we are now, all being well, moving on to the house your husband wants - 3 bed semi with garage, in the SE. We wouldn’t have been able to get the 15% deposit needed for this new house without having the equity built up in this flat though! It’s been a stepping stone for us, and sounds like that could work for you too.

Is the area good? Schools good?
Our local school is poor which was our catalyst to move now before school applications goes in.

Norwaydidnthappen · 10/03/2021 07:38

I wouldn’t do it personally. You have to constantly be conscious of the noise your DC are making and if your 2 year old is anything like mine, it’s quite a lot...

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 10/03/2021 07:44

I brought up 2 DC on the fifth floor (no lift and - gasp - rented) and had no problems whatsoever. I once went downstairs to check on the noise - nothing out of the ordinary to hear. I was ill when they were little and they quickly learned that I could not carry them and they had to walk or crawl up the stairs.
They are grown now and we still live in the same flat.

RampantIvy · 10/03/2021 07:50

Of course it's do-able, but is it ideal? No, for all the reasons already stated on this thread. The fact that many families in many cities in Europe live in apartments is irrelevant.

I grew up in a downstairs flat, and the noise from upstairs was awful at times. And the tenants upstairs didn't have small children.

Foxtrotalpha · 10/03/2021 07:54

I was brought up in a top floor flat and later raised my two kids in one. There are advantages, I always felt safe - away from
what was going on outside in the street and casual burglars and there were no neighbours above. Both houses were Victorian so thick walls. Also less overlooked and a good view! At various points downstairs neighbours complained but generally ok.

Yes, lugging pushchairs, shopping etc upstairs was a hassle - less so with shopping delivery such as Waitrose/Ocado who carry it up.

PrimeraVez · 10/03/2021 08:00

We lived in a 40th (yes, fortieth) floor apartment when DS1 was little.

Waiting for the lift a crying baby and bags full of shopping was a pain in the arse but otherwise it was fine.

We moved to a house with a garden when DS2 was on the way and it is nice being able to chuck them out in the garden to play, but then we live in a hot country - I dunno how much you really use a garden for much of the year in the UK?

secretskillrelationships · 10/03/2021 08:01

It sounds as if you would be able to save (?more) if you moved. Would that help increase your deposit for a second move a few years down the line to something more in line with what your DH would like? It sounds to me as if you're the pragmatic one and he's holding out for a dream but maybe there's a way to accommodate you both. Plus it's less than you can borrow at the moment. A good repayment history will also help in the longer term. Your income is likely to rise and some costs may also fall (?childcare) so you could be in an excellent position in 3 years to trade up. For me, the fact that you could walk children to school would be a major plus!

The other issue to consider is how secure your current rental is - if you had to move, would you be able to rent something similar for the same amount? How easy is it too find good rental property in your area. There is likely to be a lot of uncertainty for a lot of people over the next 12-18 months.

I'm sure viewing the flat will answer a lot of questions, though do go in prepared to be critical! The major issue people have cited is the potential issue of noise. You can, of course, ask the people below how much they hear. My mum lived in a 60s terrace and you could hear the neighbours through the walls so a house is not always better!

rossclare · 10/03/2021 08:03

@FirstladyKirkman

AIBU to think it's perfectly acceptable/do-able?

It's a 3 bed, and even though it's a TFF it has its own private garden. DH doesn't think it's suitable for us with 2 DDs (7 & 2), but then he has unobtainable aspirations of a 3 bed semi with garage and garden.

We are in the SE so budget wise we are limited to what we can afford, and its currently 30k under what we have got AIP wise from the bank.

Buy something that needs a lot of work so that you can do it up and sell it on quickly and start moving up the ladder. What is your budget and where do you live? Are you prepared to move to a cheaper area for a bigger house?

howmanyhats · 10/03/2021 08:09

DP needs to get real. As you say, this is a step onto the ladder. If he wants that nice semi with a garage and a garden, THIS is the way to get there, not staying put and throwing money down the drain on rent while he sulks. That will end up with you being priced out.

You need to have a serious talk with him. He needs to see he's getting in the way of his dream, not making it happen.