Completely do-able to live in a TFF with 2 kids?

[FirstladyKirkman]

AIBU to think it's perfectly acceptable/do-able?

It's a 3 bed, and even though it's a TFF it has its own private garden. DH doesn't think it's suitable for us with 2 DDs (7 & 2), but then he has unobtainable aspirations of a 3 bed semi with garage and garden.

We are in the SE so budget wise we are limited to what we can afford, and its currently 30k under what we have got AIP wise from the bank.

I lived in a top floor flat for a year, just me and DS who was 2. It was great, warm from flats below and no noise of people walking above us.

Moving in was pretty exhausting - no lift, but once that was done, I coped. Weekly shop was the hardest, DS in one hand and two bags of shopping in the other for the first leg, then down to the car for the third bag. But other people would hold fire doors open and were generally lovely (nice people in Bracknell ) and we were perfectly happy.

With two adults, you should be fine.

of course its doable -just hard work!

i wouldnt personally though i would keep looking! i live in a house and even that has noise (attached), so a flat woudl be a no no with kids

@paradiseisland

Totally with you, it seems that my opinion on anything property moving wise is null and void. I'm the realist and he's the dreaming, strop when he doesn't get what he wants.

We are going to view it on Saturday (DH not happy about it though) and even if I walked in and fell in love with the place it wouldn't matter. He's already throwing obstacles in the way such as "where would I put my bike, cos if there's no where to put my bike it's no good" When I told him there was he just grunted.

He shouldn’t have to live somewhere he doesn’t want to any more than you should.

But he’s going to need to cop on a bit!

How about if you both make a list of what you absolutely need/want and a list of what you would be willing to sacrifice to get it. So he wants a house but he’ll have to leave the village (for example).

You want to get on the property ladder, but you might have to take flats off the table etc

That sort of thing.

You both have valid opinions and until you can recognise that, one of you will remain unhappy.

We lived in a top floor flat - luckily with our own entrance - and for a long time I wanted to moved whereas DH was happy.

In the end, we moved area completely and got the house and area which suits us a family.

I’m glad we thought it over and discussed it - it took about two years to come to the decision about where to move and what we wanted.

I'm not in the UK. I'd say most of the 2 and 3 bed flats in my block have families living in them. And these are very middle class families with professional jobs. It's just the normal thing to do here. We all have balconies and there is a small play area in front of the flats (behind the road) where kids can play, and a massive park nearby.

Having said that, I would be realistic about the challenges of living in a flat, and decide whether that is a trade off you're willing to make. For example, where I live, most parents are happy for their 6-7 year olds to play outside unsupervised. Are you happy for your kids to do that, and if not, how easy is it to keep an eye on them when they're in the garden? In addition to your husband's bike, your kids might have/want bikes soon as well. Is there somewhere to store them? If you have a car: what's the parking like?

Clearly your huband needs to be more realistic about what is actually possible, but some of his concerns might be relevant, and it's be good to decide - within your current budget - what your priorities & red lines are.

I really wouldn't choose to.

I'm not sure exactly where along the London/Brighton line you are, but I'm close by that area, and there's quite a few new developments around - would you be eligible for any of the government initiatives to buy a house on one of the new developments? I think there's a few where you can get a 25% deferred loan?

A flat has expenses with ground rent and maintenance, and generally where I am there are problems reselling them currently.

I'd also think that noise would be really hard to control, plus although you have a private garden, its going to be inconvenient to use as you can't supervise the children effectively from the top floor, so you'll always have to be out there with them.

I'd much rather a 2 bed house than a 3 bed flat personally. Preferably one you could extend at a later date.

In London this would be entirely normal. I have three different sets of close friends who live in top or upper floor flats with their 2 (or in one case, 3) children. Never heard any of them complaining. And all are very nice flats in fairly central and expensive bits of London.

Psychologically some people prefer to never get the thing of their dreams than to actually get something slightly less.

I'm in a first floor flat. Very thankful my downstairs neighbour is deaf. I would be really conscious of the neighbours before buying. Is downstairs someone who works nights? Does sound travel badly? In my dads flat he can hear upstairs wee let alone anything else etc. Those would be my biggest issues

@mrsm43s

Unfortunately even with Help to Buy we couldn't get anywhere close to the new developments. There is a new site in between where the flat is and where we live now and a 2 bed terraced STARTS at £379k

We looked at HTB at the very beginning and most we could get was £313k.

The thing I like about this flat is that it's ex council. I'm council born and bred and have no snobbery about it at all. They are well built and the rooms are all a really really decent size, especially considering the size of new builds.

Forgot to say ground rent is £10. Maintenance is £500 pa. Our mortgage would be £300 cheaper than our rent. No travelling to school as its a walk away.

Ex council? I'd probably go for it for the reasons you mention. Solid, well proportioned homes.

I would absolutely do this to be able to own my own home - especially as you say the mortgage is even cheaper than your rent. I don't see a problem at all.

I think it’s fine and the flat sounds lovely. We had a top floor walk up on the 3rd floor when DD was a baby but the housing stock in the city we lived in at the time meant 99% of houses/flats had a raised ground floor entrance so stair climbing was unavoidable. Everyone just gets on with it because there isn’t an alternative except move to the suburbs! With your youngest being 2 and past the pushchair stage it shouldn’t be difficult. Online shopping helps a lot too.

I think it does sound do-able but there will clearly be things about it that are regularly inconvenient. Will you have to go with the children every time they want to go in the garden, rather than just opening the back door so they can run in and out?
If you were both realistic about the drawbacks and were both equally committed to making a home of it, I think you could. But if your DH is the type to grumble and sulk when he doesn’t like something then it could get pretty miserable, pretty quickly. I can’t see that talking him into it would end well; he’s got to consider the downsides thoroughly and decide they’re worth it.

@Blyatiful

How do you think that people in cities where apartment living is the norm, like Paris, Vienna, Warsaw, and most of Central Europe cope? We just get on with it, with the shopping and kids!

This.

Be aware that if its ex council if the council decide for example they want all new windows in the property you will have to pay for that as you own the place even if you don't want them.same goes for any maintenance on the flat that the council deem necessary as ppl still renting from council will have it done for free you will have to pay as it is owned. My mum had this issue with an ex council flat she owned and what annoyed her the most was that all the others in the block were rented from the council so she was the only one that had to pay!.

Meant maintenance on the block that includes your flat.

I think it's definitely doable but probably pointless going to see it if your DH is dead set against.

Does he have any kind of realistic alternative? If he's worried about his age with a mortgage then is he not worried that he's waiting for a property that you won't be able to afford at all?

In your position I would absolutely buy and then overpay as much as possible on the mortgage with a view to moving again in 4-5 years to get the house. Otherwise you will never get on the home owning bus.

I lived in a top floor flat with kids and although it had a garden we hardly went in it because it was down 2 flights of stairs and when they were younger you couldn't leave the kids there when you wanted to run in and get a drink because you couldn't hear or see them from the flat. So it actually made the garden even more annoying than not having one.

I hope OP that you can persuade your DH. It seems suitable to me from what you describe and being only a walking distance to school would add to the attraction to me.

Penthouse living can be lovely. Fresher air when you open the window and the sky above you. It needn’t be forever.

Don’t see why not ..own private garden and enough space..
I would not have a dog or a cat in TFF ...but kids I would