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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Completely do-able to live in a TFF with 2 kids?

102 replies

FirstladyKirkman · 09/03/2021 14:46

AIBU to think it's perfectly acceptable/do-able?

It's a 3 bed, and even though it's a TFF it has its own private garden. DH doesn't think it's suitable for us with 2 DDs (7 & 2), but then he has unobtainable aspirations of a 3 bed semi with garage and garden.

We are in the SE so budget wise we are limited to what we can afford, and its currently 30k under what we have got AIP wise from the bank.

OP posts:
AtLeastThreeDrinks · 09/03/2021 17:36

Definitely doable. The UK is so weird about houses over flats. Would your husband agree to the flat on the premise of getting on the ladder and building some equity with a view to finding a house in a few years’ time?

LonstantonSpiceMuseum · 09/03/2021 17:37

Agree with @Frequentflier @Blyatiful and all the others pointing out that kids in flats isn't unusual in other countries. It's not as convenient in some ways as a ground floor - entry house with private exit to w back yard, but there are many other conveniences to make up for it.
The lazy person in me likes that visitor have to tread up lots of stairs before they come in, so less dirt. Many of the other problems are very design dependent - letting kids play in the garden, or storing bikes, and as another poster mentioned quite a lot of council flats had this sort of thing in mind with garages and shares play areas. You're often near many amenities and might not need your car as much too.

Original poster
FirstladyKirkman · 09/03/2021 17:48

It's literally a 5 minute walk to the infants school and so close to the juniors I could spit on it from the front door (apologies for the spot!). Our best friends are on the way to the school. Location doesn't get anymore perfect to be honest. Plus no cabs home needed from our local as its 10 minutes up the road.

It's vacant, new kitchen all integrated appliances (incl DH's much wished for dishwasher) and shower room. Brand new white plantation shutters... The only things he has to dislike about it is that it's top floor and a flat (which we lived in up until DD1 was a 5. GF with garden but garden never used as wasn't enclosed and never got the sun and it was never a problem) . Otherwise he is just a snob. 🙄

OP posts:
MessAllOver · 09/03/2021 17:52

Check management arrangements if it's leasehold in a block of mixed council flats/privately owned... you could get slammed with huge bills for maintenance/improvements.

MessAllOver · 09/03/2021 17:55

There are some horror stories about owners of ex council flats being charged £20-30k for improvements to heating systems/new windows/fire safety improvements.

Porridgeoat · 09/03/2021 18:01

Aim for a two up two down mid terrace with the potential to make a third bedroom in the loft?

Porridgeoat · 09/03/2021 18:04

What’s the character of the flat like? How much space

Original poster
FirstladyKirkman · 09/03/2021 18:11

@Porridgeoat

Nothing really characterful about it. All painted neutral. Ready for your own stamp. A bloody awful lime green colour in the kitchen for some god awful reason (easily painted). Cream shaker style (I think) kitchen cabinets. Cream/very light brown carpets throughout. Brand new shutters. Good to go.

OP posts:
Original poster
FirstladyKirkman · 09/03/2021 18:12

Space is bigger sqftage wise than what we have at the moment. Decent sized square rooms. Because it's top floor we get the loft space too.

OP posts:
Original poster
FirstladyKirkman · 09/03/2021 18:13

2up 2down terrace further down the road is £100k more! 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
EvilPea · 09/03/2021 18:16

You won’t use the garden that much even with kids as you will have to get dressed properly, lock the door etc to use it. It won’t be like a house garden or even maisonette where you open the door and exit to it.

Mosaic123 · 09/03/2021 18:25

Make sure, through your solicitor, that you actually own the loft space. Would you be allowed to convert it I wonder? Might be able to make some money?

YukoandHiro · 09/03/2021 18:41

The comparative space is exactly why we did it OP, but it hasn't made up for the lack of the extra "garden room" in summer with children... having to go out to go to the garden rather than just open the kitchen door makes things impractical. And neighbour noise from below has also been an issue at DC bedtime - although that could obvs still happen in a semi or terrace.

We're definitely ready to move on. My DH loved the flat and talked me into it. Much as I love the property itself, I wish I'd let my head win out and we'd gone for a house as now we have to move with two DC which is a total PITA and houses are even more expensive than they were then

Frazzledd · 09/03/2021 18:48

Currently in a first floor flat with 2 & 3 year old Dds- no garden, one flight of stairs but the ups and downs are horrendous- I had the option of a house but thought it wouldn't be a problem, the flat is lovely, but has been completely impractical- I'd give anything to be able to just get the kids ready and walk straight out of the door!

Example- Buggy down, back up for Dd2, back down to put in buggy (hopefully with no kick offs, or unexpected poo...that happened more than once!) back up for Dd1 & change bag, lock up, back downstairs- then out...

Back, usually with shopping....Upstairs with Dd1, back down, upstairs with shopping, back down, upstairs with Dd2, back down, upstairs with buggy....

Your ages are more manageable but I'm currently househunting like mad (I'm South also, prices are through the roof, so can understand your reasoning) -

I loved this flat, the area given the city is okay, access to decent schools and thought this wouldn't be a problem but with lockdown, no outdoor access, play areas, soft play, groups non existent we've been so isolated- and just on top of each other here- having to avoid people coming and going (8 flats in my block) plus constant deliveries, neighbour noise, car park mayhem....go with the house!

Cloudyrainsham · 09/03/2021 18:51

Three beds and a private garden sounds perfectly do able. Better to live within your means x

purplecorkheart · 09/03/2021 18:52

What are the stairs like? Shallow stairs or steep? Who maintains common area? What about waste disposal? Maintenance fees and what increases they have been in the last 10 years data. All these I would be asking regardless of what floor the apartment is on.

I am a super anxious person so I would probably look at your careers and what risk there is with them. This is my anxiety talking but I would be less likely to buy an apartment without a lift if one of usworked as a person who puts scaffolding or a race car driver than an office in case of an accident causing paralyse. And yes I know this can happen to anyone, anywhere.

Happycat1212 · 09/03/2021 18:54

Of course it’s doable, I’m in London so many families live in flats, I lived in a 3rd floor flat with no lift and 2 babies in a double pram, I managed because I had no choice, lived there for 3 years, it wasn’t fun dragging the pram up to the top but if your not going to be doing that then it’s fine

JackieTheFart · 09/03/2021 21:33

I would. I like flats. Both my parents grew up in flats. We have a tiny yard, sure a garden would be nice but I don’t miss it that much. I never used our massive garden when I lived at home.

I would have hesitated when my kids were little but I have twins so a little more difficult!

Your husband is being a snob.

Runnerduck34 · 09/03/2021 22:24

Wouldnt be my first choice simply because of access, carrying bags of shopping, pushchair etc up all.those flights of stairs must be very hard work!
But you have enough bedrooms and a garden so there are people in worse positions, its doable but if i had a choice id rather have a house

trindi · 09/03/2021 23:41

Unless you’re in a detached property with no adjoining walls, your neighbours will thank you for not letting your children run, jump, shout or dance about like elephants in a house as much as a flat. That’s outdoor behaviour.

I didn't say shouting (I don't let my children shout) but I hardly see how dancing is outdoor behaviour?! I did highland dancing as a child and practiced downstairs every day after school.

I used to live in a house and had a treadmill, did HIIT exercises in the living room, and frequently danced around my kitchen.

I'm not talking about letting my children behave like elephants... just normal family noise! Joe Wicks videos during lockdown and letting my 10yo do tiktok dances.

All of that becomes impossible in a flat with poor sound proofing.

pepeleputois · 09/03/2021 23:50

I wouldn't live anywhere but the top floor! Children are old enough not to be carried, going up and down is good for you - and you don't do it that much, you would multiply it by 20 at least in your own house, and you don't have to put up with neighbours noise above your head.

It's a pain to hang laundry in your garden, as you have to take the kids with you, but still worth it.

Frazzledd · 10/03/2021 03:00

How do you not let 2 & 3 year olds shout/make noise? My 2 year old is currently teething her molars and is waking through the night, more than once there's been a bang on my floor (their ceiling) while I'm trying to settle her which has been quite upsetting- downstairs arenot reasonable people, nor have children, they've also banged on mine while it's been silent here but my upstairs has been 'Joe Wicksing' it for a year at 7am, also has children who run about but they can't bang on hers, it doesn't really bother me but I know I get the 'anger bang' for it.

I approached both of them outside to discuss this, upstairs was lovely, explained the workout noise from hers, he aimed it all back at me because he was more angry about hearing my babies, just said he hated 'that sound'...its made me so anxious.

I'm saying this at nearly 3am trying to settle Dd2 (praying she doesn't wake up Dd1, not like I can take her downstairs) and anxiously awaiting the 'shut up knock' from downstairs....

I have an integrated Dishwasher, parking space, garage...I didn't think any of this would be a problem but living on top or in the middle of people, sharing communal spaces, unable to avoid arseholes, the lack of privacy...if I had any option to move to a house now (right now!) I'd take the extra £100k hit if I could...

Frazzledd · 10/03/2021 03:13

....plus my previous post ..I'm obviously not loving the 'flat life' right now!....also recarpeted the whole place, with thick underlay thinking of noise, downstairs moved in after my 2 were born so would have know there were young children above!?...also brand new white board blinds...the flat inside is beautiful, outside (and practical living) isn't...🥺

PeggyHill · 10/03/2021 03:45

From everything you've said I would conclude that;

  1. you don't really have any other options, except giving up on the idea of buying at all and continuing to pay extortionate rent

  2. This flat doesn't sound too bad. You seem to like it, location is great for you, it's well within budget, it's spacious and won't need any work doing to it, your kids are old enough not to need a pram anymore. It sounds fine to me.

The issue is that your DH hates it. I think he's being an arse, personally, but it does matter what he thinks. It's not a good idea to buy a property that one of you hates. It also matters what you think, of course, which your DH needs to be reminded of, I think! But ultimately you need to come to a compromise. You can't just buy somewhere that one of you hates.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 10/03/2021 03:52

@LaceyBetty

I would absolutely do this to be able to own my own home - especially as you say the mortgage is even cheaper than your rent. I don't see a problem at all.
This^ Put some of the surplus in savings and in a few years maybe your husband can have his dream. Or, you will have an exit fund. Either is good.
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