To insist husband is allowed into scan with me?

[Lass67]

Today experienced pain and bleeding in early pregnancy- tried to refer to EPAU which was a shit show in itself and ended up having to go to A&E as GP & midwife insisted wasn’t their responsibility to refer me and no self referrals accepted.

Husband allowed to stay with me in A&E and was a lovely support to be honest. When we finally got to EPAU he was told rather abruptly by receptionist he wasn’t allowed in. I waited hours to be seen alone listening to smooth FM in the waiting room (playing songs about being a parent FFS!) and wringing my hands before being seen by a very lovely doctor who had only been working in gynae a few weeks and struggled to tell me anything but told me my anatomy was ‘awkward’ and I’d need a scan- but by this point five hours after initially trying to get help scanning is shut and I have to come back tomorrow.

I then went out to find my husband sat in the cold with some other sad dads to be -not allowed to be with their partners.

I checked NHS England guidance and it says I’m allowed one support person with me at all points during antenatal care- updated December 2020 in light of Covid-19.
Royal college of obstetricians and gynaecologists agree.

Am I being unreasonable tomorrow if I insist on my husband being with me? I feel sick thinking of being told I’ve lost the baby on my own and then having to go outside and find him and have to repeat everything to him. It was hard enough today to retain what was being said. I understand if they want to minimise people in the waiting room but it was half empty and I don’t understand why they’d be able to contravene guidance from the organisation that commissions the service.

[MercyBooth]

@haveapieceoftoast @Ironytheoppositeofwrinkly Shes more important than Stacey Dooley and a BBC camera crew.

Your posts smack off "I couldnt so why should you"

[timeisnotaline]

@SFHJ

yABU you chose to get pregnant during a pandemic when it’s been so broadly reported that scans etc you need to go alone to. You cannot then kick off you have to go alone. If you were wanting your dp with you every step of the way then you should have waiting post pandemic to get pregnant.

Oh hey there ShFJ, I’m so sorry you’re too busy to read the ops posts before piling in on the upset pregnant woman with false accusations. She didn’t get pregnant until after guidelines said partners could come in, from late 2020. So your pretty aggressive comment is also completely wrong.

[TammySwansonTwo]

How about 'I had my scan by myself and I hope you get to go through yours with your partner, so if you have legal proof you are allowed to do it that way - go for it girl!'

Unfortunately she doesn’t have legal proof.

This is guidance not law, and it says units should reorganise space and use LF tests to enable a partner to be present throughout antenatal care as soon as possible.

But units have already reorganised their space, they haven’t been given the lateral flow tests to check the thousands of partners a week that would be needed by each unit, nor do they have the space or staff to do the testing.

This was NHSE’s way of passing the buck to the units - they’ve done nothing to enable this guidance to be implemented and it hasn’t been because it’s not possible.

I have heard whispers this week that LF flow tests are coming - but that still leaves staff with nowhere to do the tests and not enough staff to do them so some units still can’t implement them.

It’s absolutely shit. That guidance has caused so much distress to women, and so much abuse to staff, even though they knew the RCM would not agree. And again the added issue that EPAU and scans in general don’t come under maternity.

It’s a bloody nightmare.

[Aroundtheworldin80moves]

YANBU. Just because it's the current system, doesn't mean the system is right.
All sorts of patients are being let down by this rule currently. Moral support is important.
It might make sense from an infection control viewpoint, but not from a humanity one.

Good luck tomorrow.

[Whatelsecouldibecalled]

Christ there are some awful responses on here. Whilst it is truly awful was some pp hade been through that doesn’t automatically mean the OP should experience the same.

I’m sorry Op how worrying. Screen shot the guidance and maybe find what the policy is on 12/20 week scan fir your hospital. If allowed to then chances are they will be allowed to EPAU too. I hope it turns out ok

[ivfbeenbusy]

The guidelines are for maternity....EPU is not maternity.

My trust are allowing partners at scans from next week / it's taken them 3 months to be able to implement it safely for all people involved

rules get bent for one person then they have to change it for all and all of a sudden cases start to rise again and staff being off sick/isolating affects everyone

[emilyfrost]

YABU. You can’t insist; if they say no, they say no. It’s only guidance and they don’t have to follow it.

[Jamboree01]

Some trusts have already allowed partners at scans. Why is it not the same across all?

The OP can ask the question based on the guidance. I don’t think she is necessarily asking anyone to ‘bend the rules’ for her.

[Stopsnowing]

If the guidance permits it take a copy and say you will complain to Pals if you have issues.

[emilyfrost]

@Stopsnowing

If the guidance permits it take a copy and say you will complain to Pals if you have issues.

She can complain all she wants, she won’t get anywhere. It’s only guidance; they don’t actually have to follow it.

[Stopsnowing]

A complaint to Pals may change their minds and they will have to log it.

[sarahc336]

This has been happening all through lockdown, sorry but 1000a of dads have been in the same situation, it's just how it is at the moment. My partner had to wait in the corridor during a lot of my labour, just the rules I'm afraid x

[SuperCaliFragalistic]

If the guidance has changed then I think it's fair enough to challenge their policy and request his presence - you can't "insist" though. Its annoying how many people feel that they can kick off and get the rules changed for them.

[SuperCaliFragalistic]

And you know that as soon as one person is allowed to bring someone that doubles the number of people in the hospital straight away. Then couples will "insist" that they have to bring all their other kids because "childcare". And actually hospitals are a place where covid has spread - they are right to he cautious.

[Comtesse]

Yanbu - if the guidance has changed (good!) then you would not be unreasonable to push this. Good luck

[myparentsarealiens]

I would ask them beforehand what their guidelines are/if they've been changed recently.

My experiences in EPAU are pre COVID but partners were not allowed into the scan until the sonographer had clarified whether the pregnancy was still viable or not. There are valid reasons for this which they do explain.

So even if he is allowed in it may not be until they have assessed what is going on.

It's never an easy situation to be in,
I hope all goes well for you.

[ThistlyPerf]

As a few pp have said, EPAU generally fall under gynae - the quoted guidance is only applicable to maternity services.

Doesn’t make it any easier though OP and I wish you all the best today.

Oh and Rando obviously you meant pregnant women.

[thefishthatcouldwish]

Sorry but the guidance is just that guidance.

It is up to the individual hospital trusts to put in what they deem to be safe however rubbish that is.

What it comes down to is risk and managing that is very hard for hospitals.

Good luck on your scan.

[NuclearDH]

I think it’s absolutely fair enough to ask. I think it’s absolutely fair enough to take along the guidance and ask why they aren’t following it.

But not on to insist.

National guidance is guidance....not rules, not the law. The hospital don’t have to follow it and I’d assume if they’re not following it they have their reasons.

Maybe some of their sonographers are vulnerable. Maybe the individual staff are refusing to work with three people crammed in a tiny room with no ventilation and no social distancing. Maybe the hospital already have a number of sonographers off sick and are terrified about more going off sick and not being able to provide a service at all. Nationwide there’s quite a shortage of sonographers so vacancies are hard to fill and most units were chronically understaffed even before the pandemic.

[Lolalovesmarmite]

You would not be unreasonable to ask and refer to the guidance, you would however be unreasonable to insist. It is awful to receive bad news alone, however that does not trump the need to protect other patients and staff. I had a baby during the first lockdown and whilst it was difficult not having my husband there, I absolutely respected the reasons for it. The presence of your untested partner in addition to you doubles the risk of the virus being brought into the hospital. A significant proportion of virus transmission takes place in hospital.

[Zippy1510]

OP I have had lots of bleeding throughout this pregnancy and the rule is that dads are allowed into the 12 and 20 week scans now but they aren’t allowed into other scans.

[LJC1234]

So sorry for your situation OP and I'm also sorry for some of the responses on this thread. YANBU

I'm sad people have responded to you in some of the ways they have. At no point did you come across as thinking your more important than others and I say that as someone who went through an awful pregnancy during covid and a partner not allowed at any hospital appointments or AnE trips and 4 days alone in labour.

Please take the guidance . It was updated for a reason so people can get the support now that they are allowed, It is a shame it wasn't changed earlier but now it has you should not suffer because others have.

I hope it all goes well for you

[user1493413286]

I would insist; I would also complain about what’s happened with the GP/midwife and having to wait so long. When I had early bleeding the midwife said to just wait and see but the GP referred me for a scan with epu that day; I went in at 1.30, scanned by 2 pm, saw a doctor by 3pm and then went home. It was upsetting enough to be bleeding and worrying about miscarriage without also having to fight for medical care

[AndThenTheDayBecomesTheNight]

@SuperCaliFragalistic

And you know that as soon as one person is allowed to bring someone that doubles the number of people in the hospital straight away. Then couples will "insist" that they have to bring all their other kids because "childcare". And actually hospitals are a place where covid has spread - they are right to he cautious.

I'm afraid I agree with this, OP.

I do sympathise - I have been to more than enough bad-news scans, ERPCs etc over my six miscarriages, mostly alone (quite apart from anything else, there were frankly just too many for dh to have gone to all the time). But a PP is quite right that there are people going through all sorts of dreadful trauma alone in hospitals and if everyone having a difficult time in hospital got the 'support person' then the extra infection risk would be raised to an unacceptable level.

And you would be very unreasonable to 'insist' (which sounds like kicking off) and add to the strain for the staff during a very prolonged difficult time. Sure, turn up with print-outs of the guidance, but I don't think that's the best way to quickly and effectively access the care you need or reduce the general stress level of your appointment for all involved.