To ask what an average number of sexual partners might be

[MarshmallowAra]

I'm almost mid 40s and had a late start, followed by quite frenetic catch up, followed by fairly staid (2 sexual partners) 30s and early 40s.

If I count partners for piv sex (even if it only happened for a matter of seconds - long story) it's 12.

If I include oral sex (on them) it's 14, I think.

Is this low, average or high for an almost mid 40s woman, do you think?

I've been debating this with a friend, who thinks it low. But I think it's average to high.

I'm fairly sure Google could probably direct you to some research on this.

According to the 2010 Health Survey for England, the overall average is just above 9, with women on average having a slightly lower average than men.

Of course, surveys rely on people being honest - and we know that men tend to over exaggerate their number and women under declare it due to how social conditioning impacts both. Your numbers don’t sound vastly out of kilter on pure “averages.”

@ComtesseDeSpair

According to the 2010 Health Survey for England, the overall average is just above 9, with women on average having a slightly lower average than men.

Of course, surveys rely on people being honest - and we know that men tend to over exaggerate their number and women under declare it due to how social conditioning impacts both. Your numbers don’t sound vastly out of kilter on pure “averages.”

Thanks for that info. - 9 by what age? Lifetime?

Seems quite low.

I believe it’s “lifetime”, and I assume they use an age grading system to do the calcs. So of course, people of older generations where sex outside of marriage was taboo may well be bringing the lifetime average down.

I also thought it was quite low. But then, I’m surprised how MNers respond to threads about “how many people have you had sex with” to say they’ve only had one or two and they were also their OH’s first or second - so I presume it must be relatively common.

@Lockheart

I'm fairly sure Google could probably direct you to some research on this.

Seems to be lots of varying (conflicting even) surveys.

Like between four and eight.
Seriously when I was at uni, between four and eight would've been a slow term for lots of people I knew so .

Also people tend to not be entirely truthful.

I see there's actually another thread on a similar subject where the poster has been verbally abused by her bf on disclosing her number, which is relatively high I suppose.

What does it matter? I've had 14, PIV sex, oral is just foreplay .

oh who cares

That's low when compared to all of the women who I know. It's probably going to be unusually low for anyone under 30, once they get to your age.

I'd say that sounds on the lower end but I don't think any different of someone who'd slept with 111 men or 3 men.

I’m a similar age with a similar history and a similar number.

I would say 9 is low for lifetime partners. But I believe too that lots only have one or two so that brings down the average.

@Ponoka7

That's low when compared to all of the women who I know. It's probably going to be unusually low for anyone under 30, once they get to your age.

I must be a mutant then - only had one! My DH. Been together since early 20s. I’m 38.

Dunno, OP. I think it depends on how you do things- a serial monogamist will have a lower number than someone who prefers to be a free agent. And if you marry relatively young and stay married, you'll generally have a much lower number. I reckon yours is probably relatively high compared to the UK as a whole and across all age ranges and cultural backgrounds.

It's meaningless unless you know whether they have been single much. I know plenty of people who got together with the person they eventually married at 18 or 19. Whereas someone who didn't settle down until their mid thirties has had an extra 17 years or so of adult life. It doesn't make them particularly wild to have had 10 partners in that time.

41. If you include oral 4. Sadly

@Woodlandbelle

I would say 9 is low for lifetime partners. But I believe too that lots only have one or two so that brings down the average.

I do know some women (and men) who've had one of two partners, got into ltr young, got married, together since - but they'd be in the minority, I think.

It would be interesting to see what the difference is by age group. You'd imagine avwrage numbers would've higher the younger the age band (?)

Would be higher

@Andithoughtiwasspecial

41. If you include oral 4. Sadly

Why sadly, do you mean oral on you?

My number was oral on them.

Oral on me, I think it's even lower than you - 3 maybe 😣.

2 and DH is no higher, but we met young. Among my friends it's mostly 3-6. We are in our mid thirties.

It hasn't occurred to me to count I'd guess I'm at 20-25ish (I'm mid 30's so that figure may increase).
I Would say that's around the high end of average in my circle of friends

Loads but why do you care!?

It was quite common in my age group for people to be engaged by 20 and married by 24/25. I think younger people don’t settle down as early now so it’s going to be higher.

Nine? Nine? What were they all doing in their 20s and 30s?

I've no interest in disclosing the number of sexual partners I've had (it's hardly of interest to me now) but, really? Why would anyone be interested in this?

To me,it's like asking how many different meals have I had. Well, as many as I wanted, is the answer to this, and the opening posters question.

there's another thread where the poster had 120/130 by the time she was 29 apparently..