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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what an average number of sexual partners might be

48 replies

MarshmallowAra · 08/03/2021 21:57

I'm almost mid 40s and had a late start, followed by quite frenetic catch up, followed by fairly staid (2 sexual partners) 30s and early 40s.

If I count partners for piv sex (even if it only happened for a matter of seconds - long story) it's 12.

If I include oral sex (on them) it's 14, I think.

Is this low, average or high for an almost mid 40s woman, do you think?

I've been debating this with a friend, who thinks it low. But I think it's average to high.

OP posts:

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 08/03/2021 22:57

2 for me. But I know that's low, DH was much higher than me (around 15).

MonochromeMinnie · 08/03/2021 23:00

5 for me. I've been married 34 years.

MightyMidnight · 08/03/2021 23:01

@user1471453601

Nine? Nine? What were they all doing in their 20s and 30s?

I've no interest in disclosing the number of sexual partners I've had (it's hardly of interest to me now) but, really? Why would anyone be interested in this?

To me,it's like asking how many different meals have I had. Well, as many as I wanted, is the answer to this, and the opening posters question.

I let DH at 25 and spent my 20s and 30s married and having babies.

Heartofglass12345 · 08/03/2021 23:05

I've slept with around 9 or 10 men and one woman. I was in a long term relationship from 19-27, and had slept with the woman and 2 men before my long term bf. Then I broke up with him, and met my husband 3 months later. In that 3 months I slept with the others, sowing some wild oats as they say!
I'm 36 now and have been with my husband since I was 27 and have only slept with him.
It all depends on your relationships really, some people don't like casual sex, some do!

muppette · 08/03/2021 23:09

I would think 6 average

Welllllllwellllllllwellllllll · 08/03/2021 23:14

Hahahahahahaha too many for me.

Welllllllwellllllllwellllllll · 08/03/2021 23:15

However, I've never had a long term relationship.

noblegreenk · 08/03/2021 23:18

It's really hard to tell averages. For example I'm 36 and I've had sex with 22 men, but my friend who's the same age has only slept with 2 men and one of those is her husband. Another close friend who's also the same age again has slept with 6. I remember when I was in my early twenties I had a friend who'd slept with nearly 50 men in 5 years. It's a difficult thing to average out.

BackforGood · 08/03/2021 23:23

Firstly, why on earth would you need / want to know ?

Secondly, how would you calculate "average"?
Millions of people have only ever had one sexual partner. Some (I have no idea how many) will not have had any. Plenty will have had two or perhaps three. So, are you looking for average, or are you looking for 'typical' (which I think would have quite big generational differences)

whereart · 08/03/2021 23:42

28...lost count but well over 100. Id say 120 ish if I had to guess. And I haven't had sex in 2 years. So 15 - 26 = 120 ish. Not ashamed, I had so much fun

Morgoth · 08/03/2021 23:46

I think I read an article that it was something around the region of 9 for men and 6 for women in a lifetime but I can’t remember exactly. Something like that.

You probably want to look at country-specific data for a British culture comparison as there are billions of people in the world who live in cultures/countries that don’t have a casual sex culture (Asia, Middle East, some orthodox European regions) so they will bring down the average number of partners significantly if you’re looking at a world average.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 08/03/2021 23:47

Most my friends in late 20s would be maybe around 15-40?

Welllllllwellllllllwellllllll · 09/03/2021 00:15

@whereart are you me? I am the same, although I'm a year longer than you with no sex

Original poster

MarshmallowAra · 09/03/2021 00:18

@BackforGood

Firstly, why on earth would you need / want to know ?

Perhaps typical is a better word yes

OP posts:

Whatifitallgoesright · 09/03/2021 00:46

This year I have slept with mostly Capricorns.

DarcyJack · 09/03/2021 01:46

Some of these comments are bonkers! If nine is the figure then nine is the figure not everybody is like you. Loads of people have no partners and absolutely shed loads of people have only one partner. Think of all the devout religious groups in this country. Apparently the figure is going down too. Like the amount of alchol or drugs people use.

SmokedDuck · 09/03/2021 04:06

I think most people I know are probably in line with the number around 9. A few have a lot more and a few have a lot less. There are also some who have none, and I think ths is actually a bigger group than many people realise.

Younger people, statistically, look to be less sexually active than many older generations at the same age, as I understand it, so it's not so clear cut that younger people will bring the average up.

23PissOffAvenueWF · 09/03/2021 04:22

What does it matter?

I’m not sure what my number is. Somewhere between 10 and 20, I think - but it’s so long since it was anyone other than DH, that it’s all a bit fuzzy.

I have no idea what DH’s number is. He has no idea what mine is. Neither of us asked. Neither of us cares.

MrsOmelette · 09/03/2021 05:13

I’ve had 30-35, my DH has had 4. I’d have rather have met him when we were young. A lot of it was poor quality. Interestingly, he’s the only one I’ve ever spontaneously orgasmed with.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 09/03/2021 05:23

Apart from a couple of my friends, I have no idea how many people people of my age (26) have slept with. I know DH’s number is higher than mine but not by much. My number is much lower than the average but I met DH at 18. I’m hoping my number never goes up.

Monty27 · 09/03/2021 05:49

I'd hate to devise a spreadsheet for that questionnaire.

StarlightLady · 09/03/2021 06:02

I didn’t get the memo saying we were supposed to count! Neither have l had someone come up to me in the street and say “excuse me, I’m doing a survey...”

Early 40s here, double figures and proud of it.

I suspect that for a lot of us, there have been fewer opportunities in the past year or so due to lockdown.

Thamigumathacharaid · 09/03/2021 06:32

5 for me and 3 for my partner. I'm 38 now and we've been together since I was 22. He's 42 now and he was 26 when we first started dating.

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