AIBU to feel like I’m being told off by tradespeople

[KeepWashingThoseHands]

I tend to only have tradespeople in when there’s an issue ie. blocked drain, broken this, needs replacing that. I often feel judged and like I’m politely being told off; ‘you should have done this sooner’ or ‘whoever did this previously didn’t do a good job’ and constant comments about other observations. It’s not they’re unkind insomuch as make me feel silly I’ve had to call someone out or I didn’t know. I have an office based role but am decent at DIY, my house is in good condition overall but i’m not an expert in roofing (for example)... cos i’m not a roofer so how would I know X, Y, Z! I’m sure they’re just explaining knowledge but it’s like having to go to docs and fess up something embarrassing sometimes. I’m an assertive senior leader yet whenever people come round for a repair I feel really stressed having to deal with them/the situation.

Anyone else or just me?

Had a Britannia oven repair guy round today. After 15 minutes he still couldn't get through to the payment line at his company so he did the repair work anyway and said the customer service department would call for payment later. All fine until he added "If they don't call by 1pm make definitely you call them instead otherwise they'll give you a right hard time when they get hold of you".

Needless to say, anyone trying to give me a hard time when I've waited, credit card in hand, for 15 minutes and their failure to take payment is entirely their fault will get very short shrift from me.

I have a female plumber.
Guess what? She doesn't do this.

I know this is an old thread but I just wanted to say I totally get this! Got a tradesman here at the moment who is constantly ‘telling me off’ or patronising me or huffing and puffing and moaning. I’ve just been out to politely get an idea of whether the job will be finished today and all I got was moaning - and the he bloody stomped off as I was talking to him.

It is misogyny, I think. They think women shouldn’t question them, and that we’re all sitting at home with fuck all else to do so why do we need to ask them questions. The idea that we might have children to collect, work to do, meals to cook, places to be, etc etc, never enters their heads. We’re just blobs of daft womanyness sitting on the sofa not actually human beings.

Can you tell he’s made me angry? 🤣

Actually, it’s not funny really, is it? It’s sad and very frustrating.

@BreatheAndFocus
Have you paid him yet?

[quote thosetalesofunexpected]@KeepWashingThoseHands

People are far too over sensitive on mumsnet at times !

Like this time on this post thread.

Trades people are just commenting on other fellow tradespeople work/skills,
Also trade people huffing away sometimes, is cause their work,can be strenuous, have to have some stamina, or and put themselves in arkward postions etc,

And as if for the ridiculous/silly comment that tradespeople make a lay person(anybody feel/look like idiots is a exaggeration.

(if you want to feel/look bit more knowlegable and aware ect,
Look on YouTube internet on the various different workshops videos of tradespeople or and watch tv shows on DIY/upcycling ect which are quite popular, you never know you might find it interesting, have a skill for upcycling or just be more aware,
so you less likely to be taken advantaged of the odd unscrouplous dodgy (scam,cowboy trades person in life.[/quote]
Oh please!
It's a problem with tradespeople not their clients
I do research and try to clue myself up on these things, it's not like I'm cowering in the corner crying. But I can tell theyre trying to make me feel smaller.
I have other thinsg to be doing than becoming an expert in plumbing in my free time...that's why plumbers exist and have jobs. I could train to cut my own hair...but that's why hair dressers exist.
Why is it only tradespeople that feel the need to expect their own clients to be experts?
I advise my clients in my professional field. The fact that they don't know about it keeps me in a job and I don't judge them for it or would never expect them to know certain things. I respect the fact that they have employed me to do it for them. If I pulled half the shit some tradespeople do, I'd never have a client again!

I think a lot of it is misogynistic.
My DP lives in my house, not one we own together.
Often trades people will talk to him, and ignore me, the mortified look on their face when he inevitably says “no idea why your asking me, It’s not my house, anyway speak to queen, this is Greek to me but she’s a QS she’ll happily chat for hours about concrete with you”

I have a friend who is surgeon. Totally amazing at his job and highly rated in his field. But he won't stay in his house if a tradesman is coming as they make him feel so inadequate with their comments. It's amazing how they all do it.

They ALL criticise work done by other tradesmen. It's a given.

Found my people!
I had some work done on my house and needed new worktops fitted. The guy had great reviews and they all said things like ‘he also fitted my dishwasher, did my outside tap, came up with this idea’ etc etc. so when I spoke to him, I said I needed worktops mitred with a hob and sink cutout, and the sink fitted. He couldn’t do the hob as he isn’t gas safe, all fine. But I mentioned while he was plumbing the sink in, was he also able to plumb in a dishwasher and fit an outside tap (just behind the sink) - happy to pay, but as it was all sort of related to the sink, I’d prefer one person to do it all. He said yes, totally fine.

He came in and tried to tell me I’d measured the worktops wrong. I explained how I’d measured them (by measuring the existing ones, adding a buffer and getting a 4mtr and a 3mtr length of worktop) and suddenly he ‘thought’ he could make it work. Spoiler alert - it worked.
All the while he was here, he kept making little digs about how much I’d asked him to do. It wasn’t anything I’d sprung on him, I’d discussed it when I booked him, and he’d agreed happily…. And they were all things his reviews had said he could do!

I felt like telling him to stick it in the end.

My favourite one was a plumber sent out re me moving to gas. I was already to go and he then upped quote as 'id need new radiators', they were wrong fittings, i should have been told....... he went on and on. knew i wouldnt need new radiators but think he seen me as easy touch with a bot of money! so cancelled job with his boss. Big boss went spare and sent original guy back to back track. Nah mate! I dont think so!!

Well, mine’s just told me off again 🙄 He has to come back and do more work so asked me when was convenient. I told him - and then got a lecture about how he was ‘doing me a favour’ and I needed to fit in. I explained I had important work commitments but that just made him extra-annoyed.

I suppose obviously any work a woman does can’t be important 🙄 Yes, it is misogyny. I detest having tradesmen in my house. A polite, clean, honest one is a rarity.

[quote supremelybaffled]@BreatheAndFocus
Have you paid him yet?[/quote]
Fortunately the landlord is paying him. He won’t be coming to my house again, I can tell you that! I’d rather wait longer and have someone polite. He also made a pig of a mess everywhere and was disrespectful of my things. I could feel the contempt oozing out of him.

No-one needs to be an arsehole just because they know how to do a job. Lovely fencer today (Swiss, which is a first!) who not only listened to what I wanted but also chatted to my neighbour about her side of the fence(and probably picked up a separate job in her garden cos he was so nice) and offered helpful non patronising advice all round. And he gave me a book recommendation! Five stars.

It is a sort of negging, so true.

Yes!!! Do they ever come in and say ‘whoever fitted this did a great job?

I honestly think it’s more to do with men wanting their ego stroked. They want you to feel like they’re your saviour for all the shoddy work done in the past or for where you’ve slipped up.

Ignore.

Yep. It’s misogyny. They don’t do it to blokes.
I’m a single mother and every single time I get someone in to do anything in the house I end up feeling belittled because I don’t understand some incredibly niche and trivial aspect of a subject which is not my specialty.

Oh and being overcharged as well.

I know a fair few people who work in the trades and most are normal people. Although some are (shock horror) working class.

This thread reads like a bunch of Karens having a moan tbh. 😂

@EightWheelGirl

I know a fair few people who work in the trades and most are normal people. Although some are (shock horror) working class.

This thread reads like a bunch of Karens having a moan tbh. 😂

And you are being ageist and sexist. Do NOT use the word Karen as an insult again. Just because we're mainly women on this website (and some of us are over 45, doesn't mean that we don't get to have opinions).

For balance, I don't find most tradespeople sexist or patronising. It could be where I live - there are a lot of professional WFH women. Although we had a guy to do some work in the garden this week, DH was in the office, I was at home and he asked me to call DH about payment. Er no, we have a joint account and I can pay you! But generally they are not like that. And we're having our boiler replaced soon and the heating engineer's wife came round to do the quote.