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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel like I’m being told off by tradespeople

119 replies

KeepWashingThoseHands · 08/03/2021 20:46

I tend to only have tradespeople in when there’s an issue ie. blocked drain, broken this, needs replacing that. I often feel judged and like I’m politely being told off; ‘you should have done this sooner’ or ‘whoever did this previously didn’t do a good job’ and constant comments about other observations. It’s not they’re unkind insomuch as make me feel silly I’ve had to call someone out or I didn’t know. I have an office based role but am decent at DIY, my house is in good condition overall but i’m not an expert in roofing (for example)... cos i’m not a roofer so how would I know X, Y, Z! I’m sure they’re just explaining knowledge but it’s like having to go to docs and fess up something embarrassing sometimes. I’m an assertive senior leader yet whenever people come round for a repair I feel really stressed having to deal with them/the situation.

Anyone else or just me?

OP posts:
sneakysnoopysniper · 09/03/2021 01:15

Gd yes, I hate tradespeople under my feet. I dont feel like my home is my own with them around. When I rented I used to make any excuse rathen than report a minor repair knowing tradespeople would be coming in. Now as a homeowner I have a couple of nephews who are quite good at fixing computers, installing alarms, basic electrics, DIY, plumbing etc. Ive never had to call a plumber or electrician. The only tradesperson I call is the gas engineer to service the boiler and thats on a yearly contract.

Grenlei · 09/03/2021 01:22

The reference to tradesmen having a paddy reminds me of a guy who came out to fix my washing machine a couple of years ago. First he tried to tell me there wasn't a fault with it, then said that the 8 X 6 utility room was too small to work in, and I'd need to move the washing machine into my kitchen so he had space to work. Twat. Funnily enough the next guy who turned up from the same company had absolutely no issue with fixing it in situ.

Oh, and the guy who came to fix my boiler, didn't know how to do it and was getting his mate to talk him through it on speakerphone! His boss then called and wanted to charge me £400 for loads of new parts, plus labour (despite the other guy not having worked out what the problem was) ,and when I said no thanks started shouting at me about how he was only 'tryin to help you out darlin' and would badmouth me all over FB. I told him to go ahead. Unsurprisingly he was all talk, and the next firm charged me just £50 for parts! Funnily enough the first company are all over our local FB pages when anyone is looking for a heating engineer but all the allegedly independent recommendations for them are their family and friends Hmm

CrunchyBiscs · 09/03/2021 01:31

I don't get this. Don't you get quotes for a job? I've a friend who has trouble but she seems to phone tradesmen then try and knock them down in price- I've never done that. You discuss job, ask price , choose tradesman. Also use one who is recommended to you.

ClaryFairchild · 09/03/2021 02:26

OMG, I had this with the washing machine repair man. Lecturing me in and on about there being sand in the machine and how I had to make sure all the sand was removed from clothing.

I glared at him, told him I had 2 boys, 3 and 5 years old who spent most of their time playing in sand pits and the garden and although I shook out most of the dirt and sand I certainly had better things to do with my time than to minutely inspect clothing to make sure it was all out. The machine was broken, I called him to fix it, was happy to pay him to fix it but I DID NOT need a lecture from him to accompany that.

He looked very sheepish, apologised swiftly and got on with repairing the bloody machine.

Returnoftheowl · 09/03/2021 02:33

Even gets a tradesperson to turn up is a nightmare. After nearly two months of trying to find one I'll finally managed to get an electrician to come around yesterday afternoon to give me a quote. I've phoned & emailed several... Lots of broken promises and a complete lack of interest. Had the same trying to find someone to replace my fencing.
As trades appear to be so busy that they can just turn down work (it's a pretty simple job I want done - a days work maximum), I do wonder if I've gone into the wrong line of work myself!

picknmix1984 · 09/03/2021 03:04

The best tradesmen have been polish. Although Brexit probably has knocked that on the head. I've found they don't talk down to me unlike British tradesmen and they quote reasonable prices instead of hyper inflated ones.( because the lazy British bloke wants an easy life for high pay).

Sapho47 · 09/03/2021 03:07

@ClaryFairchild

OMG, I had this with the washing machine repair man. Lecturing me in and on about there being sand in the machine and how I had to make sure all the sand was removed from clothing.

I glared at him, told him I had 2 boys, 3 and 5 years old who spent most of their time playing in sand pits and the garden and although I shook out most of the dirt and sand I certainly had better things to do with my time than to minutely inspect clothing to make sure it was all out. The machine was broken, I called him to fix it, was happy to pay him to fix it but I DID NOT need a lecture from him to accompany that.

He looked very sheepish, apologised swiftly and got on with repairing the bloody machine.

So you broke something and when the guy came to fix it you had a go at him for telling you why it broke and how to prevent it in future?

Bet you wouldn't have said the same to a woman.

Wonderbrush · 09/03/2021 03:14

A lot of them are crooks. They see a large house and charge you more

ClaryFairchild · 09/03/2021 06:46

@Sapho47

So you broke something and when the guy came to fix it you had a go at him for telling you why it broke and how to prevent it in future?

Bet you wouldn't have said the same to a woman.

Lol at 'telling' me. As I said in my initial post, he went on and on about sand in the machine. He didn't TELL me, he LECTURED me. If he had simply told me I wouldn't have got cross.

And yes, I would have said the exact same to ANYONE lecturing me about it, man, woman, or even someone of indeterminate gender!

But you reinterpret my post any way you'd like any clever female, male, person of indeterminate gender....

WinterStrawbsAreLikeTurnip · 09/03/2021 09:39

I recently used kwik fit for some new tyres - they're super close and yeah it's dearer but sod it. I wondered how far they'd push the hard sell and mansplain to me ...

Not disappointed but they weren't aware I'm an engineer and super technically minded and do a lot of my own repairs I just don't have the gear to do tyres. I ripped him a new one when he insisted on showing me my pads and discs. Which passed an MOT the day before ... and we're well within limits which I "womansplained" back to him.

DenisetheMenace · 09/03/2021 09:49

NiceGerbil

Not RTFT

Slagging off the work the previous person did is in the training I think!“

Yep. Previous module, sucking in the cheeks and shaking the head Grin

stackemhigh · 09/03/2021 09:51

I get you, OP. We've been treated so badly by some tradespeople (builder ran off without completing jobs etc), that I almost feel I have to placate them now when a job starts. I sometimes forget that I am paying them for a service.

LadyPoison · 09/03/2021 10:21

I’m just wondering where you all get your tradespeople!

No way would I expect/allow myself to be spoken too like that. I’ve thrown a plasterer out for playing a loud radio in the past (quietly would have been ok). He was astonished and said I couldn’t do that as he was employed by the builder not me!

I did. Builder sent a different workman next day

ElMacchiato · 09/03/2021 10:27

Mostly I've found tradespeople to be ok.
I've had an AA man like it, kind of judgy .

I tend to think that if we could all do our own household and car maintenance they would be out of a job.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 09/03/2021 10:29

Oh god yes!! When we were fitting our kitchen we hot dome bad advice about getting the units in first then getting the walls in good condition to paint. The fitter didn't give a shit because it wasn't his problem after he'd fitted the kitchen!

The plasterer made such a song and dance about it, muttering every few minutes loud enough to hear fom thd next room. He shit himself in the foot as it was an old house and we ended up spending 4k in plastering other rooms at a later date, but not with him as he'd stressed me out so much!

AlanThePig · 09/03/2021 10:29

Had a man round last week to quote me for fitting an outside tap in the back garden. He spent twenty minutes telling me how he couldn’t possibly live here (we live by a main road and he turned up middle of rush hour) and then said he was looking forward to this job because we had a “fancy coffee machine” and he likes that. He proceeded to quote £130 when friends tell me the going rate here is about £50.

I politely declined and bought an £18 kit to do it myself.

Pepper54 · 09/03/2021 11:23

I’ve just remembered one, guy turns up to do a job, pauses in the driveway and shakes his head sadly and says to me “people buy a big house in the country and then don’t have the money to maintain it”.

I was just stunned by the rudeness. Unfortunately I didn’t have the balls to say anything but spent the next 48 hours fuming to my husband. He lived about 4 miles from us and there was a lot of talk from me about driving to his house, standing in his garden and critiquing it.

PlanDeRaccordement · 09/03/2021 11:26

It can be stressful to be a senior, respected expert in your field and be used to being the one to dish out the critiques, corrections and knowledge but then experience a role reversal when an expert in their field sees fit to do the same to you. You’re experiencing cognitive dissonance.

perenniallymessy · 09/03/2021 11:35

We're about to have a massive extension. Part of the reason I chose our builders (other than a couple of very solid recommendations and a thorough check on them) was that they are not in the slightest bit patronising or condescending.

To be fair, I kind of know the wife of one of them, and she strikes me as the sort of person who would happily tell her DH he was being a twat if he was even slightly patronising.

I have also found a brilliant gardener and a fab plumber.

I really hate the 'ask your DH' type comments that some tradespeople come out with- DH knows naff all about any form of DIY, gardening, building etc. I'm the one who owns all our power tools!

RosesAndHellebores · 09/03/2021 11:41

If theybstart explaining things to dh he just says "hang on a minute, I'll get my wife - she's the one who deals with this stuff" Grin. They never seem to have an issue. MIL has issues with tradesmen but having heard her deal with my cleaner it is hardly surprising.

Original poster
KeepWashingThoseHands · 09/03/2021 13:40

@PlanDeRaccordement

That’s an interesting theory but what I’m experiencing, and seems others are too, is nothing quite so lofty; it’s just plain old rudeness with some misogyny sprinkles. (Good) Leaders ‘don’t dish out critiques and corrections’. I’m quite happy to have an expert tradesperson round to do things I can’t or couldn’t possibly dream of. It’s the attitude of some of them. Don’t expect to have to read up on tax law before seeing an accountant so why should I something else - both are outsourced services.

Sometimes we’re able to chose tradespeople but sometimes you just can’t. Companies send people to fit/replace and other times you need an emergency something or other and don’t have time to interview a parade of people.

OP posts:
Okbussitout · 09/03/2021 15:35

I've only come across two trades people who aren't full of shit talk like this. I'm pretty blunt and have also just not given them buisness or any future work. I think it's most male superiority complex. So fucking annoying.

Or their actively trying to make the problem appear worse so you get more work fone
Which is deeply unpleasant and sketchy. As if I'm not going to research the issue myself. Onece a plumber tried to tell me I'd need new radiators as the valves were rounded off. I just bought a better radiator key for like20 quid and sorted it.

Gunpowder · 09/03/2021 22:03

Shock Pepper54

Reallybadidea · 09/03/2021 22:16

I had a quote from a heating engineer for moving some pipework. He was bullshitting me to try and say that we needed more work doing than we'd asked for because of 'building regulations'. Now, I'd actually read those regulations before contacting him, so I knew exactly what he was up to, so made some non-committal noises about getting back to him. He had the absolute cheek to say that I could get my husband to call him and he'd talk him through it Angry

Absolute misogynistic arsehole.

PermanentTemporary · 09/03/2021 22:44

I am clueless when it comes to any home improvements or repairs. I have no idea what's going on, don't understand the explanations and am easy to rip off. I reserve the right to be upset though that I get ripped off. I do a skilled job myself and am good at giving respectful, simple and short explanations of what's going on, and I don't expect others to get it just because I do. I do good work because why does anyone want to do bad work?

Fact is though, there's a skills shortage and that's just how it is.