AIBU to feel like I’m being told off by tradespeople

[KeepWashingThoseHands]

I tend to only have tradespeople in when there’s an issue ie. blocked drain, broken this, needs replacing that. I often feel judged and like I’m politely being told off; ‘you should have done this sooner’ or ‘whoever did this previously didn’t do a good job’ and constant comments about other observations. It’s not they’re unkind insomuch as make me feel silly I’ve had to call someone out or I didn’t know. I have an office based role but am decent at DIY, my house is in good condition overall but i’m not an expert in roofing (for example)... cos i’m not a roofer so how would I know X, Y, Z! I’m sure they’re just explaining knowledge but it’s like having to go to docs and fess up something embarrassing sometimes. I’m an assertive senior leader yet whenever people come round for a repair I feel really stressed having to deal with them/the situation.

Anyone else or just me?

I've decided I'm not going to have any more tradesmen round - I'd rather let my house fall down around my ears its so stressful. Can any of them do a proper job?

Well it’s not good but at least it’s not just me!

Like PP said, if this was in many other industries you’d be seriously reprimanded or have no job/business left if you spoke to customers this way.

Just feels an unhealthy power balance in a way it shouldn’t for a paid for service. I had to deal with the first half of the ‘telling off’ today and when DP was free off his call his upstairs as just didn’t want to talk the guy and left DP to it. Makes me sound pathetic and I’m annoyed about it.

Yes this happens to me also , I take it with a pinch of salt because they talk shit half the time and I feel it’s to panic you into spending the money or justifying what they have quoted .

If they are like that when they come to quote I won’t use them

Should add I don’t have a dp/dh which I think makes it worse

I had just an inkling of how different this might be when we had a woman plumber come and do some work in the house. She was just great, showed me how things worked without being patronising and was so lovely and comfortable to have around.

I had a harsh warning from a tree surgeon at the weekend. "Don't even think about tackling this yourself, no way, don't attempt it!" He was standing next to me in my garden looking at a massive bloody tree. I wasn't attempting to scale the tree at the time, or at any time .

@KeepWashingThoseHands

People are far too over sensitive on mumsnet at times !

Like this time on this post thread.

Trades people are just commenting on other fellow tradespeople work/skills,
Also trade people huffing away sometimes, is cause their work,can be strenuous, have to have some stamina, or and put themselves in arkward postions etc,

And as if for the ridiculous/silly comment that tradespeople make a lay person(anybody feel/look like idiots is a exaggeration.

(if you want to feel/look bit more knowlegable and aware ect,
Look on YouTube internet on the various different workshops videos of tradespeople or and watch tv shows on DIY/upcycling ect which are quite popular, you never know you might find it interesting, have a skill for upcycling or just be more aware,
so you less likely to be taken advantaged of the odd unscrouplous dodgy (scam,cowboy trades person in life.

I usually just greet them with, "now I know it's a silly little job, but my husband is just not practical, now darling would you like a cup of tea". Last one said "well he can't be that useless love, if you live here". They are mostly really lovely. Or the regulars: Mark and Keith who are like olds pals - we even send Christmas cards.

@KeepWashingThoseHands

Its also a over reaction aswell as exaggeration that trades people deliberately go out of the way,to (us Lay people(general public look/feel like idiots in life.

Toughen up some of you mumsnetter people,
As you will come across in life far more embarrassing/arkward ect situations in this life.
For heavens sake ! L.o.l😁

We’ve found they often contradict one another as well, which makes me think however authoritative they sound they may not always have much idea.

We had a plumber recently who said our sink absolutely couldn’t be used with the chrome waste trap that it came with because the wall was too thick. He made me feel like an idiot for not realising this and wrote down the cheap plastic one I’d have to buy instead (I was quite annoyed as it’s the kind of sink
that has the waste trap on display so would have looked rubbish). He was coming back to fit it then next weekend but then we ended up with a different plumber out for another job. He took a quick look and managed to install the original waste trap no problem, he said he had no idea what the first plumber was on about.

@thosetalesofunexpected

I’m not saying I’m especially being taken advantage of. Sometimes yes but it’s the attitude mainly. I don’t always want to look on YouTube etc to educate myself - that’s why I’m outsourcing.

God, I've never encountered this! Or maybe I just don't take it personally, since a lot of things in my house were done prior to us moving in so I'd just shrug my shoulders if someone started on me!

I had a couple of tradesmen in to swap a door and a window -brick up the door to create a window and take out part of the wall to make the doorway. Also I wanted two slim doors rather than a single wide door. I was told that it couldnt be done , it was too risky? , it couldnt be done within a given amount of time and there was no way you can buy 2 slim doors.He had a long litany of things that can go wrong.

The last one convinced me with his catalogues .I ordered a second best choice of door with a side fill in window. He promised he would be back in 3 days ready to start. He hadnt turned up within a week so I called him . He said he was stuck on a job and could be there in 3 days.
I told him where to stick his doors. I hadnt paid a deposit . he didnt like it but didnt have a leg to stand on.
I called the next one on my list who came and said I could have everything I requested . Arrived promptly with the right things and completed the whole job himself. No teeth sucking or lectures.He got a handsome tip.
I love my new doorway.

It’s Vets that have always made me feel like this. I’m a careful cat owner but some vets have made me feel awful. I now have a great Vets for Pets practice where the vets are all non judgy! Such a relief.

I still think about a particular electrician we had a few years ago. He was racist, rude, patronising, snarky and wildly misogynistic. He was brought in by our builders with who, we were generally on good terms so I didn't rock the boat, but I also think I was too shocked to react assertively. I am now very stern with tradespeople, I terrified the daylights out of the guy who came to service our Dyson

@LemonRoses

Our chimney sweep always gives me a half hour lecture. He doesn’t take a hint but chimney sweeps are limited, so we don’t want to lose him.

In availability or just generally?

I’ve had the moaning about other people’s work thing too. By far the worst for me is the ones who have a problem with taking instructions from a woman. In second place, the ones who think they’ll cut corners and you won’t know.

We once had a plumber round to fix a dripping basin tap in the bathroom, and apparently it was my fault that the washer had gone because I wasn't turning the tap on and off properly.

I couldn't help wondering whether he would have said the same to a male householder.

I've also had a car mechanic tell me that my windscreen wipers were worn out and needed replacing because I obviously didn't know how to use them correctly. What, like when it's raining, same as everyone else?

I once witnessed my toddler break the washing machine by repeatedly bashing all of the buttons. I got a tradesman in (note: man) who told me that was unlikely to have done any damage and that in most cases washing machines break because the WOMAN puts too much detergent in!! I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

My MIL has a handyman she insists on giving every job to because he doesnt tell her off or make a drama out of everything. She's found a good'un.

Sick to death of them. The wonderful thing about my fairly new house has been not needing tradesmen every 5 minutes. Ringing them, them not returning calls, getting a date moved on and on again, not turning up. I can't be arsed! Now I need things doing and my biggest hurdle is revving myself up with deal with these bloody awful men.

YES! I was just saying to DP today that I'm so sick of tradespeople walking into the house and instantly slagging off the work I've just spent 5 years savings on...

Can't believe you all let the working class speak to you like that. Put them in their place!

Ha we have this at the moment with building work going - constant ‘jokes’ about how because I’m a woman I keep changing my mind - nope, you just didn’t listen to me properly the first time round. And also today whilst on the phone to my dh they said they would email me about something instead as “she won’t be working like you, so will have more time to answer the query”. Erm.. no..I was working today!
Quite annoying. I just refuse to let them pull the wool over - I’m sure they must get annoyed with me because, when like as pp say, they claim something can’t be done, I pester them/research it myself until we find a solution!

Find a lot of builders/electricians/plumbers etc. are a law unto themselves due to being self employed and not having anyone to explain to them what is normal behaviour in the work place these days.

As someone else said it's probably best just to let them get on with it and more or less ignore them.