AIBU to feel like I’m being told off by tradespeople

[KeepWashingThoseHands]

I tend to only have tradespeople in when there’s an issue ie. blocked drain, broken this, needs replacing that. I often feel judged and like I’m politely being told off; ‘you should have done this sooner’ or ‘whoever did this previously didn’t do a good job’ and constant comments about other observations. It’s not they’re unkind insomuch as make me feel silly I’ve had to call someone out or I didn’t know. I have an office based role but am decent at DIY, my house is in good condition overall but i’m not an expert in roofing (for example)... cos i’m not a roofer so how would I know X, Y, Z! I’m sure they’re just explaining knowledge but it’s like having to go to docs and fess up something embarrassing sometimes. I’m an assertive senior leader yet whenever people come round for a repair I feel really stressed having to deal with them/the situation.

Anyone else or just me?

This drives me up the wall. We’ve had a lot of work done in the past year, and so many of the tradespeople haves been like this. Especially moaning about whoever has done previous work from years ago. It does make you want to just stop having people in. Thankfully there have been a couple of nice, friendly, polite ones and they’ll be the ones we use again.

I bought a settee once, and when it arrived it tipped forward, so my DP and I kept sliding off it when we were sitting down.
I complained to the company and they sent a man round. I was in on my own, and I’ve never been so patronised in my life. He basically told me I was imagining it. When I sad it hadn’t felt like that in the showroom, he said it wasn’t unusual for women to forget what settees were like after trying them. Sometimes, apparently, women forget what colour settee they ordered, and complain when it’s not the colour they expected. I was speechless!

Yes, had it recently. Ordered a new dishwasher and showed delivery bloke where it was to go in the kitchen, (we’d removed old one) and he said ‘oh dear love, you’ve ordered the wrong size’. I knew I hadn’t and said so and he stood there shaking his head and saying I’d ordered the slimline one, much too small etc. until his mate came in and said I’d ordered the correct size and could he give him a hand getting it off the van.

We also had an electrician years ago who rubbished the way we had decorated our front room and seemed particularly affronted by the coving. He was round to give a quote, unsurprisingly we didn’t go with him.

Yes! I hate this, my most hated is when I ask a question and they turn to my partner and explain the answer to him.

A few months ago a tradesman done it and I stopped him and said 'excuse me but I do the diy hence why I asked you the question and not him' he started laughing and rolled his eyes at my partner who looked at him and said 'she is a woodwork teacher'... the guy then answered my question looking at the floor and got out of there within 5 minutes.

I now not so subtly slip my job in within the first 10 mins of tradesmen walking into my house so they know not to patronise me and that I will thoroughly inspect their work!

It did make me chuckle to think of a module on the apprenticeship course on sucking in and exclaiming about the previous botched job!!

OP I completely get where you are coming from.

I thought it was a misogyny thing but I've heard trades speak to my DP in a similar albeit not quite so critical fashion.

It drives me mad that all the previous work in the house is shit/ has been done wrong/ is using wrong materials blah blah blah.

I've found 2 exceptions to this, a guy who did some decking work for me last summer, was a quarter of the price of everyone else and the only one not to give me any old flannel about what a huge job it was, how all the old decking was the wrong material (it wasn't), how I needed extra work done (I didn't) and so on. Oh and one other guy who did odd jobs but sadly he's now back in his home country. Everyone else just bloody awful.

I do wonder if there's a geographical element to it, I am in London and having had loads of tradesmen in my house over the years, barring the two above they're all the bloody same. However friends who are in the North West have never had these issues, and are paying a fraction of the 150-200 per day labour I get quoted!

ha, in a previous life i used to customer service for a company that provided tradespeople and tbh i wish i could have gagged every one of them ,

The worst experience of all was the trades instructed by my insurers following a claim. Absolutely appalling. One of them refused to continue to work because I had a bad attitude (I'd dared to ask for a rough schedule/ timescale!), another spent every conversation 'reminding' me about betterment and how they couldn't give me anything better than I previously had...oh and then they argued with me for an entire week as to whether the items they were replacing were wood or not (they were, but no one accepted my word for it and questioned me repeatedly). Appalling!

Yes and hairdressers and mechanics do it also

thosetalesofunexpected

^^ utterly ridiculous!
Why should people have to look stuff up on YouTube? If we want to outsource stuff and pay people then we are entitled to do so and more so, we are entitled to do so without being belittled in our own homes.
I’m not going to look up replacing the flashing around my chimney when I can pay someone who is trained to do it and for that matter, to do it safely.

However like hell am I going to pay someone to talk down to me or make snide comments to me. Unfortunately between that and habitual lateness, around 75% of tradespeople will never get taken on for jobs by me or anyone I know.

they all do this. I used to feel the same way but now I just accept it is almost like their version of saying hello. The best is when they criticise the work that they themselves did earlier.

I absolutely despise getting people (let's face it, men) in to do work because so many of them have been misogynistic pigs. If they even turn up.

God this completely!

I had a team of tradespeople (men) in when we did our house up 5 years ago and they were just like this.

Their favourite phrase was "never show a woman or an idiot an unfinished job"

Me: "so you're saying all women are idiots?"

Them: errrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmm

I won't be patronised again like that in my home so the next tradesperson I get in better be prepared.

Any unwarranted opinion "I'm not paying you for your opinion"

Insert other shut up your mouth responses when needed

I've really had it with decorators. I like F&B paint. I've read up on it. I know you can go to other companies and they will match colours etc. I've read in detail. I also know the difference and it's my preference. Yet every single time I get a decorator to quote they say ' I'm not keen on F&B. You can go to X and they will.... blah blah blah'

I think. I don't give a shit what you like. It's my house and my walls that I look at daily. You're not a fucking brain surgeon who only likes to operate with a certain gauge scalpel! Then they quote me far far more than the paint will ever cost.

I had someone out to quote for landscaping the back garden last week. He was so dismissive and hostile that I felt really uncomfortable and eventually had to tell him I couldn't discuss my ideas with him due to his hostility. It was really weird. He said it was just his manner but he won't be getting the job as I don't want to deal with that manner in my own home. Very odd.

Ignore.
We just don’t hire negative people. They’re doing it to bump the price up,

On the flip side my DH is a highly skilled tradesperson. Often referred to as a 'handyman' despite his skills and often told by customers who haven't the first clue about his job/skills how he should do his job, how much it should cost, how quickly it should be done, etc. A lot of non-tradespeople seem to think they are experts in areas that require a high level of skill and expertise - it works both ways.

He also doesn't refer to anyone as 'luv'

I've had this too so many times.

Also had a slightly related weird one when I took my bike in to get something done, and the guy was like you've obviously not ridden this for ages. I said I ride it every day and he replied, I can tell its not been used for months because the chain is all seized up. I'm like I literally rode to your shop just now. Was so bizarre, I know how often I ride my own bike and whether it works or not!

I get this but I’ve usually researched the job (extensively) and can add in technical words or ask technical questions to show “I’m not an idiot”. I also worked for a company who employed tradesmen.

The worst are the ones who criticise your decorative choices, previous work or what you are asking them to do. Or they ignore your preference and buy the sink and toilet etc of their choice without asking.

But today I’ve been quoted £650 to weed the garden, cut back a tree and a bush and tidy the lawn. It’s not a big garden. I think we will do it ourselves.

We had a gas engineer round in January because our boiler was playing up. First off, he wasn't happy because he couldn't get the boiler cover off. I said it just takes a bit of welly, it's always been a bit stiff but it will come off. He huffed and puffed at it and then snapped "I can't get it. I don't know what you expect me to do".

Honestly, it was like when a 3 year old has a paddy over not being able to do something by themselves. His apprentice looked mortified.

I had to use my jolly mum voice to calm him down, whilst saying that I'm sure he'd be able to see what the problem was, just as soon as he'd removed the cover.

I can't stand tradesmen who constantly mansplain to me - I never ever hire them. They need to get with the times.

*not a big tree and definitely can do it ourselves.

Not RTFT

Slagging off the work the previous person did is in the training I think!

We've spent just over a year doing up a wreck.I have done majority myself including plastering and tiling, I was brought up with a handy dad who showed me taught me a tonne of practical skills. Pretty lucky considering how useless DH is at anything remotely practical.

I've had everything from being eyed up and down and told 'you do realise this is a big job?!' Welllll yes it's a big 5 bed detached house I fully expected the repointing to cost a small fortune.

Can you grab your husband and I'll explain what prep needs done etc.... my husband walked in and literally told him not to bother and tell me as I'm the practical one.

Many people came to look at the big jobs - plumping, roof etc and never came back with a price ( I strongly suspect they thought we couldn't afford it as I've lived in old clothes the past year - you know on account of doing up a house 24/7!)

In the end we did find a decent plumber ( he actually offered me a job if I wanted to learn a trade lol) and we've now got a decent roofer and builder. The plumber recommended a tiler for the new bathrooms who i'd also happily use again and not just because he commented on the good job of the kitchen tiling I'd done myself

I'd love to find a decent electrician as we have a load of small things that need doing ... I considered going to college and learning myself as I actually think it would be quicker then getting someone to actually turn up and do the jobs

yes ive had this little comments like well dont touch it or you'll make it worse -but my favourite was a gas engineer walking in and talking to my dh about what was wrong with the boiler etc even though i was the one who phoned up answered the door he jsut ignored me