Had enough of ex's contact schedule for DD

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I'm posting here for traffic.

I have a DD8 with my ex. We separated when DD was 2. Me and ex don't have a good relationship due to him being controlling and all contact is done via third party.

Ex works shifts. He gets 8 weeks of shifts at a time, and will then send me the dates he wants DD for those weeks. I usually agree to the dates as it stresses me out trying to negotiate with him.

I've just had the next 8 weeks of dates sent through and they are dreadful. DD will be seeing him for 2 weekends out of 9, the rest being mid week when she is at school. For these particular dates he has 2 weekends off a month, and 2 at work. For the 2 'off' weekends he wants DD for one of them, and the other one to himself (although he has other children living with him).

I have just had enough of being dictated by when ex works. I have always accommodated the fact that he works shifts, but it is getting to the point where I feel like I can't plan anything (appreciate we are currently in a lockdown). I never know when DD is with me beyond 8 weeks. I hate the fact that I don't really have any say in when I have DD and when I don't (he always argues if I say a date doesn't work). He insists on having DD for 10 nights a month so it's not a case of trying to work out a few nights a month.

Is this something that I'm just going to have to suck up until DD is older or does anyone have any suggestions on how I can deal with this better? Thanks

@timeisnotaline i have read the thread and commented earlier on.

I don’t agree that an 8 week cycle is that onerous.

I agree with a pp - make your plans for your daughter and let him know. He doesn’t have right to demand the days that are convenient to him if DD is already engaged. Practically I can’t see there’s that many engagements in a child’s diary that are booked more than 8 weeks in advance so it shouldn’t be too much of an issue to implement.

By all means consult a family lawyer and see if you can get an arrangement that would suit you better.

Does he have family etc he could call on for childcare if you had fixed days and he was working? Would you be happy with that?

The fact that he has her on school nights makes me think he lives fairly close so why not let her do what she wants and just tell him that if he wants to see her on that day then he would have to do drop off/pick up

IE DD is doing gymnastics on a Tuesday after school so if you want to see her on a Tuesday then you can pick her up from the school at 5pm rather than 3.30

DD's friend Sally's birthday party is on Saturday 15th, I can send you the invitation so you know place and time to do drop off and pick up