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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Those with teenagers, can i ask this?

97 replies

motherhoodismad · 07/03/2021 16:09

Ok, your teenagers are sleeping all day , you are a single mum, do you sit downstairs feeling lonely and nothing to do, or do you start making time and enjoying time for you? Do you watch the tv and films you want to, maybe take yourself for a nice walk, or a mooch around a shop? Or do you pine and cry as you feel they dont need you anymore?

OP posts:
MonkeyNotOrgangrinder · 07/03/2021 16:10

A combination of both? Grin

ShaunaTheSheep · 07/03/2021 16:17

Are you serious?
Why would you mope around?

Clymene · 07/03/2021 16:17

I spend my time doing things I enjoy, delighted that my life no longer revolves around centring their needs 100%

twelveblackboots · 07/03/2021 16:23

obvious reverse

HollowTalk · 07/03/2021 16:24

I loved it - I wrote a book while they were sleeping!

FedNlanders · 07/03/2021 16:24

I just do my hobbies and sometimes they come down but most of the time recently they are in rooms.

Original poster
motherhoodismad · 07/03/2021 16:31

I am getting this situation more and more and need to remember who I am again, and do things I like. Or I could do a Sue Radford lol

OP posts:
TheBurmundseyIndustrialEstate · 07/03/2021 16:33

I do know what you mean, you do feel less 'needed' but my teenager when he does emerge from his room is more open to having more complex discussions and I like it.

RedGoldAndGreene · 07/03/2021 16:34

I do what I fancy including going out. They'll text me if they want to know where I am

Original poster
motherhoodismad · 07/03/2021 16:36

Ok does it take time to adjust? This is fairly new for me, maybe the past 6 months as before dd was always hanging about downstairs with me

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 07/03/2021 16:36

At first l was upset.

But now l do my own stuff. She appears occasionally to snarl at me😁. I don’t particularly want to be round her now!

Emeraldshamrock · 07/03/2021 16:37

I can't wait for those peaceful days. Grin

Manzanilla55 · 07/03/2021 16:38

I relish the long awaited me time. This is the happiest I have been in a long time. Covid pandemic and school lockdowns aside that is.I also enjoy the complex discussions when ds wishes to chat.

FireflyRainbow · 07/03/2021 16:38

Mine got up at 9:30am and has been gaming since. I'm about to pull him off for a fat roast. I'm not lonely all I can hear are him and his mates on whatever game they're on.

Emeraldshamrock · 07/03/2021 16:38

Start a good book, have a foot spa, do some online learning.
This new chapter is for a long time embrace it.

Givemeabreak88 · 07/03/2021 16:38

I can’t wait for this day.

Original poster
motherhoodismad · 07/03/2021 16:40

I think i am going to enjoy it more but need adjustment time. Last night i watched 2 movies by myself in my bedroom, in bed with wine, was great but felt guilty i wasnt talking to them (they were gaming!). Today i have worked in my garden and baked, and off for a walk. I want to enjoy this and believe its mother natures way of preparing us for when they leave home? Would certainly be unhappy if i was running around after little ones all day i think...

OP posts:
Gamble66 · 07/03/2021 16:42

Find one thing that you can do together reasonably regularly ie once a week - ffed and clothe them - ignore pretty much the rest of the time

Chimoia · 07/03/2021 16:44

I remember this. I actually did take ages to remember what I enjoyed doing I had become so tent pegged to family life. I remember my first step was to attend a cinema club once a month and I didn't manage that very often 😂. Then running, swimming, a knitting phase that didn't go well, did some courses, got really into gardening, made my own clothes. Soon they will be off to uni and I will need a more ambitious set of interests I think. I am definitely ready to be more social.

Original poster
motherhoodismad · 07/03/2021 16:46

Its like you spend a huge chunk of your life devoted to the kids, everything is about them, and suddenly you are alone even though they are still living here. Its an odd phase?

OP posts:
Subeccoo · 07/03/2021 16:47

24, 21 and nearly 16. 24 has moved out, 21 working and walking with gf every night so don't see a lot of. Nearly 16, he still games downstairs (no tech in bedrooms here until adults). But he doesn't need me so yes I do whatever I like. I make sure we do a couple of dog walks a week together but in normal times, I go swimming, running, walking with friends, weekends away, pub for a couple of drinks Friday before coming home for a takeaway together, weekends away he'll stay with the older ones. My life is awesome now. Payback for all the hard years 😁

Frozenintime · 07/03/2021 16:48

Why are they sleeping ? Our DS has always been up and dressed. No excuses.

ChameleonClara · 07/03/2021 16:50

I am never sad when my kids are happily engaged in something that is a) not worrying and b) keeps them entertained so I would happily make my own plans.

ChameleonClara · 07/03/2021 16:51

None of mine have slept all day though, but they often were just doing their own thing.

Archersandlemonade · 07/03/2021 16:51

I’m struggling with this too although not a single mum. The kids don’t need me
Anymore, they entertain themselves .
Going are
Play dough and painting sessions. I find myself
Moping about waiting for them. Really
Need to sort myself
Out. I used to
Have a life before I had them I just can’t remember what that was like