Those with teenagers, can i ask this?

[motherhoodismad]

Ok, your teenagers are sleeping all day , you are a single mum, do you sit downstairs feeling lonely and nothing to do, or do you start making time and enjoying time for you? Do you watch the tv and films you want to, maybe take yourself for a nice walk, or a mooch around a shop? Or do you pine and cry as you feel they dont need you anymore?

My 15 year old spends most of his time in his room gaming and chatting to friends. He comes down and will chat our ears off for a while, then disappears again.
I make him come out for a walk at least once a week, he was appalled I went to the big supermarket without him today.
I do struggle as I feel I ‘should’ be doing something with him, but I get to spend time with friends, husband and I’ve been studying. Do think it’s natures way of getting us ready for them leaving.

@Emeraldshamrock

I call it freedom, definitely

I'm in just this position now. I enjoy the time alone, but also go and annoy them in their rooms when I get bored. Its a nice dynamic and I like the space but also have people to eat with and help with chores.

@eatsleepread Me too.

@Frozenintime

Why are they sleeping ? Our DS has always been up and dressed. No excuses.

Oh what?!

I've been doing my own thing. Strangely, when initially they started sleeping all day I stayed in house cleaning, watching TV and reading, I felt invisible. Now I do my own thing, they seem the need to call/text to see where I am!

@ExtraordinaryQuince teenagers need to sleep. Its their body and minds way of coping with the enormous changes.

Sorry I sound judgey but I never laid in bed late as a teen and neither did my friends. I am genuinely surprised

I did. Specially when l was sneaking into pubs age 16 and drinking. I’d be in bed all the next day.

This was in the 80’s though.

I still remember being a teenager and what it felt like having my mum slam the hoover into my bedroom door repeatedly on a Saturday morning. It definitely didn't feel like that was my home or somewhere I, or my needs, were welcome.

[quote IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls]**@ExtraordinaryQuince* teenagers need* to sleep. Its their body and minds way of coping with the enormous changes.[/quote]
I know - that's why I was surprised by the previous comment. Mine sleep masses.

Mine have a great habit.
Do their own thing, stay in their room etc, and then, just when I am knackered, on a day when I was REALLY looking forward to 10 minutes peace, they will Need Me in some massive-can't-possibly-wait-for -5-minutes way.

I really enjoy not having to jump out of bed at 6am. I really enjoy in the holidays not having to police bedtime.
I really miss them all snuggling on sofa watching a family film.

So we try and do one night a week together. Doesn't always work, pizza and film in front of the fire. But when it does it is good.

I would never make my teenager get up at xx time and be dressed if they didnt need to, they do NEED to sleep for brain development. I slept in late as a teen and my mum just left me to it, sometimes was hoovering outside my bedroom door on a saturday morning,

Tbh id find it very unusual for a teen NOT sleeping a lot, or sleeping most of the day.

When I read on here of parents who've had their kids up and dressed by 8am everyday through lockdowns I'm genuinely baffled. a) why????? b) how the hell do they get teens to conform to such senselessness and what the hell kind of relationship do you have to have to make the poor buggers do that and c) again why???

It makes no sense to me. I remember how painful it was to try and wake up as a teenager. It literally felt like being shaken out of the grave (may ot have helped that I had glandular fever for most of my 15th year). There are lockdowns, they can't do their usual stuff and the one perk is that they can sleep as much as they need to.

I'm a teacher and after the first lockdown I just walked around school going, 'Wow! You've grown about 2 foot Arthur/Billy/Sam/etc'. The kids had shot up from, imo, having the sleep that they needed to allow those growth spurts to happen. Ds has gone from boy to young man in this last year - the amount of change to his physical body, his hormones, his bones ffs is incredible. Let them sleep! Their bodies are working damned hard.

HoneyBadger
In principle I agree, but this lockdown my kids schools have all had online live lessons, which have registration at the beginning of every class.

dd2 (13) and dd1 (15) were OK to get up and ready for zoom, but dd2 pretty much lived and slept in joggers and a hoody, so she didn't actually get dressed in the morning.
But ds (18) was a bugger. He did most of his 9am lessons in bed witht the phone on his pillow. How he managed to engage/interact/learn anything I don't know.

So, yes, I have had to drag mine out of bed in lockdown.

Get a dog he’s my little shadow. I talk to him! I go out to supermarket, walk dog, watch what I want/go on laptop. We have a routine where she will join me most nights to watch a film. She’s 15.

We've had a mixture of live, pre recorded and bridging lessons steppe so I've had to try and rouse him for the live ones to do similar to your 18yos approach.

He hasn't done all of his lessons and I've settled for him getting most of his work done.

I know parents wanted lots of work and to cover the same content at the same pace but 5 hours a day at a screen actively working is a big ask in reality.

I read somewhere a good few years ago that not just teenagers but also adolescents need more sleep than the average adult until age 25.

@TheHoneyBadger

When I read on here of parents who've had their kids up and dressed by 8am everyday through lockdowns I'm genuinely baffled. a) why????? b) how the hell do they get teens to conform to such senselessness and what the hell kind of relationship do you have to have to make the poor buggers do that and c) again why???

It makes no sense to me. I remember how painful it was to try and wake up as a teenager. It literally felt like being shaken out of the grave (may ot have helped that I had glandular fever for most of my 15th year). There are lockdowns, they can't do their usual stuff and the one perk is that they can sleep as much as they need to.

I'm a teacher and after the first lockdown I just walked around school going, 'Wow! You've grown about 2 foot Arthur/Billy/Sam/etc'. The kids had shot up from, imo, having the sleep that they needed to allow those growth spurts to happen. Ds has gone from boy to young man in this last year - the amount of change to his physical body, his hormones, his bones ffs is incredible. Let them sleep! Their bodies are working damned hard.

My 3 (Y10, Y12 and Y13) have live lessons so they're up and attending those. The older two have free lessons but they've also got a lot of work to do. So they've stuck to pretty much the same routine as if they were in physical school. This is their choice - I've not had to push them at all to get up, log on or complete work.

I never understand the parents who make them get up and dressed ' no excuses' mentality

Mine’s been up for online lessons. But lost her sleep as long as she wants at the weekend. I guess if she’s sleeping she needs it.

I wander in about 12:30 pm but don’t really wake her. I loved sleeping in when l was a teen. I wouldn’t have been impressed if someone woke me up.

Looks like this is natures way of getting you used to being apart?