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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Day off school on birthday?

553 replies

Givemeabreak88 · 06/03/2021 09:36

What are your thoughts on giving a child the day off school on their birthday? If they are asking for the day off..

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 06/03/2021 11:39

The school would support your ds if you pitched it as a mental health day op. It really depends on how you want to play it with your ds. My friend’s ds took his birthday off every year in primary. She told him it would stop in secondary and it has. He also was struggling a bit with mental health in yr6 - sats pressure snd took the odd day off at the teacher’s suggestion. She knows her ds and he is doing very well the same as op knows her ds.

As a parent myself, whose dd was close to school refusing for the best part of a school year, I don’t think taking your birthday off for one minute leads to school refusing... or to poor work ethic.

Viviennemary · 06/03/2021 11:40

Ridiculous. Absolutely not.

Dustyboots · 06/03/2021 11:40

I know, it’s bizarre. Kids education has been a shitshow for nearly a year now with naught but a few papers to print off and fill in for 6 months of last year. World book day the other day was an assembly and then “reading a book of your choice for the rest of the day”. Teams meetings have been one technical glitch after another - and barely any work is marked or commented on. Any concern by parents is met with “kids are adaptable, they’ll catch up, it’ll be fine”
Yet giving a 7yo kid the day off for a bit of a treat on his birthday is going to RUIN HIS LIFE FOREVER!

This.

Youvegotafriendinme · 06/03/2021 11:41

I never went to school on my birthday. It helped that it fell just before Christmas term but I won’t be sending my children if they don’t want to

Lollipop1234 · 06/03/2021 11:42

@FreddyTheFlute

Op it read like you have a poor attitude towards school and your child is starting to pick up on this. PP’s are correct in that this could lead to school refusal. Also, you sent him in when he could have stayed at home for the past two months despite disliking school. Why did you decide to and him in throughout, but allowing him to stay off when he asks right decision?

Teens dont wake up one morning suddenly become impossible to handle. A lack of effective parenting just becomes harder to hide.

Op, your child was in school because he is classed as a vulnerable child. He is at risk of not achieving as it is. Allowing him to stay off school when he chooses is a very rocky path to put him on for his future.

Great post
StanfordPines · 06/03/2021 11:46

@Dutchesss

For those saying no, would you go to work on your birthday or book the day off? I'm lucky both my children's birthdays fall in the summer holidays so I haven't had to think about it.
No, I’m a teacher. I can’t just book a day off when I want.
RedToothBrush · 06/03/2021 11:46

@FreddyTheFlute

Op it read like you have a poor attitude towards school and your child is starting to pick up on this. PP’s are correct in that this could lead to school refusal. Also, you sent him in when he could have stayed at home for the past two months despite disliking school. Why did you decide to and him in throughout, but allowing him to stay off when he asks right decision?

Teens dont wake up one morning suddenly become impossible to handle. A lack of effective parenting just becomes harder to hide.

Op, your child was in school because he is classed as a vulnerable child. He is at risk of not achieving as it is. Allowing him to stay off school when he chooses is a very rocky path to put him on for his future.

This.

School refusing vulnerable kids should be the last ones taking days off for jollies.

DavidsSchitt · 06/03/2021 11:47

"I said my memories from my childhood not my children’s memories."

I know you did, and you're ignoring the part where you said one day a year didn't do you any harm. To which I said it's not comparable to children now. What's your point? Or is life all about #makingmemories?

KitHenry · 06/03/2021 11:49

At my DC’s school the birthday child is allowed to wear non-uniform on their birthday. It’s genius.

I can’t think of anything worse! I’d hate to have that level of attention brought to me! 😂

PeggyHill · 06/03/2021 11:49

Personally I don't think it's a massive deal for a child to miss a day of school, assuming that they are generally doing well and not behind. I imagine a lot of kids in the UK are behind at the moment because of the covid disruption. You're his mum so you would know best if he's up to date with his school work.

Redact · 06/03/2021 11:50

No way, I would not even contemplate this.

Stroller15 · 06/03/2021 11:50

If he wanted a day off on his birthday and it will make him happier than going to school, I would do it. School has been a shit show this year so I really hope nothing we did or didn't do this year set a precedent for life as so many PPs claim. Hope your son have a lovely day OP!

CuteBear · 06/03/2021 11:51

@Givemeabreak88

I’ve got a friend whose a teacher that goes on holiday every year for her birthday (pre Covid) so don’t act like they don’t
9/10 teachers can’t take random dates off. We take our holidays during the summer and Easter holidays.

You need to find out why your 6-7 year old doesn’t like school. I’ve taught Year 2 and they usually love school. My birthday was always during exam time. I celebrated in the evening and at the weekend. I remember loving the attention for my birthday that I got at school from my friends Grin

MinesAPintOfTea · 06/03/2021 11:53

DS will get woken up with a cake on his birthday, and to pick a couple of presents to open before school. Then he will go to school and there will be birthday attention there.

If he has needed the routine and consistency so badly through lockdown so as to be in school, keep him going.

Goodvibesfamily · 06/03/2021 11:53

Not a chance!

Flowerlane · 06/03/2021 11:55

@DavidsSchitt i answered your question.

After having nearly a year off 1 day is hardly going to make a difference now is it.

Sirzy · 06/03/2021 11:56

Actually after the amount of missed time in school this year it makes regular attendance even more important not less.

melj1213 · 06/03/2021 12:00

For those saying no, would you go to work on your birthday or book the day off? I'm lucky both my children's birthdays fall in the summer holidays so I haven't had to think about it

My birthday falls in the summer holidays and I hated that I didnt get to spend it with all my school friends! By late primary/start of secondary I started a lot of summer activities so my birthday was often spent doing fun activities with my friends.

Now I am always at work for my birthday - my second job is that I work for a language company that runs teen language programs and we run back to back programs during the summer, so on my birthday I am usually in a rural hotel in the backwaters of Spain in charge of 100 teenagers from all over the world, unable to take a day off and I wouldnt have it any other way! I have so many lovely memories of my birthday through the years- from being woken by frantic knocking on my door at 00.01 and opening it to find 50 teenagers shouting happy birthday to the annual "surprise" birthday card and cake I get every year from the kids - I really missed it last year when the pandemic cancelled it.

ddl1 · 06/03/2021 12:00

No. Unless it's the only day that something special can happen: e.g. a relative can only come on that day (an unlikely situation in lockdown, anyway!) Celebrations can happen at the weekend.

If he dislikes being at school, I think the reasons need to be investigated, and the reasons addressed; but I don't think a birthday is itself a good reason for missing school, and one doesn't want children to grow up to be birthday-zillas who will never go to work on their birthdays and are outraged if others don't give them the exact gifts they want without being asked and on the day itself.

CuteBear · 06/03/2021 12:01

@Dutchesss

For those saying no, would you go to work on your birthday or book the day off? I'm lucky both my children's birthdays fall in the summer holidays so I haven't had to think about it.
I’m a teacher. I can’t take my birthday off.
EggyPegg · 06/03/2021 12:01

@Dutchesss

For those saying no, would you go to work on your birthday or book the day off? I'm lucky both my children's birthdays fall in the summer holidays so I haven't had to think about it.
I have an August birthday and work in a school, so no. I have both worked it and booked the day off depending on what I had planned in the past.

No, I wouldn't let my children stay off for their birthday. Both of my children and my husband had lockdown birthdays last year. I worked all of them whilst they were at home. The world doesn't stop moving because it's your birthday.

LadyDanburysCane · 06/03/2021 12:02

My daughter’s 16th and 18th birthdays fell on GCSE and A Level exam days respectively and her 21st during uni finals. Each of those birthdays were celebrated later in the summer. I always have to work (in school) on my birthday unless it’s a weekend. How would OP feel if her DS came home and said his teacher hadn’t been in that day as she had the day off to celebrate her birthday?

RedcurrantPuff · 06/03/2021 12:02

@RevolvingPivot

Luckily both my kids birthdays are in the holidays. I'd hate for one to be at school and not the other.

For the people who say end of May is exam season my dd is end of May.

Schools in Scotland don’t get the week off in late May, as they break up in June.
SleepingStandingUp · 06/03/2021 12:04

@FreddyTheFlute It would be more beneficial for him, and you all, to deal with the issues trust me, were trying. In part I think it's zero transition from R to Y1 then tons of time off in Y1, sit still don't move don't touch. Which they're all feeling, I know. New twin babies just before lockdown, ongoing issues around some stuff he needs for a physical disability that he is rebelling about, issues around missing play time due to toiletting issues and faffing about with equipment etc. It's just a hard time for people ATM.

rather than lie about when his birthday is. You could also get up early, have a birthday party breakfast, open presents then. You don't have to announce NO PRESENTS UNTIL YOU GET HOME. Pancakes as a breakfast cake. Why would he not be able to open presents in the morning before school? So we could drag him up at 6 (were put the house for 8, let him open his presents and then tell him he STILL has to go to the place he dislikes, in the uniform he hates, and leave his toys and brothers at home. But the morning get ready can be hard work as it is without I just want to play with my new toy, I just want to take this with me.

Maybe we'd all just have a nicer day of he took in sweeties early like he normally does, and has his birthday at home with us for one last year

MargaretThursday · 06/03/2021 12:04

@KitHenry

At my DC’s school the birthday child is allowed to wear non-uniform on their birthday. It’s genius.

I can’t think of anything worse! I’d hate to have that level of attention brought to me! 😂

Ds would be the same. He loathes non-uniform days even when everyone is wearing it. He's often sick (genuinely vomiting) before a non-uniform day because he gets so het up about it.

I don't think dd1 would have liked it either.