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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Day off school on birthday?

553 replies

Givemeabreak88 · 06/03/2021 09:36

What are your thoughts on giving a child the day off school on their birthday? If they are asking for the day off..

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 08/03/2021 16:42

There are no fines for one day!

HOkieCOkie · 08/03/2021 16:51

Gosh no! That’s pandering at its very best.

ChocOrange1 · 08/03/2021 16:51

For those saying no, would you go to work on your birthday or book the day off?
I'm a teacher. So I go to work on my birthday.

Sandgrown1970 · 08/03/2021 16:59

Why would I book a day off work on my birthday? I don’t want to spend all day alone waiting for everyone to get back from work or school and I’m sure as hell not insisting friends and family take time off work or I let my kids skive school. We always celebrate on the nearest weekend or go for a meal
together in the evening. Most people I know are sensible enough to save annual leave for a proper holiday or for when they really need it (school holidays etc). A big birthday, I might go on a little holiday but there’s no way I’m booking annual leave for my birthday every year. What a waste.

jamdonut · 08/03/2021 18:34

I’m a September birthday. I’ve always had my birthday at school (unless it fell on a weekend). As a TA, I can’t ask for a day off, when I’ve just had 6 weeks holiday...and it would be unpaid, if I did !!!

jamdonut · 08/03/2021 18:36

When I say ‘holiday’ remember that’s 6 weeks I’m not paid for anyway...

yomommasmomma · 08/03/2021 18:38

No. It's teaching them to be totally self centred. Life and responsibilities don't stop just because it's your birthday, even for little ones. You can celebrate at the weekend.

ddl1 · 08/03/2021 19:05

I remember hating my birthdays at school. I got bullied throughout and hated the extra attention on my birthday. I wanted to sink into the ground when the teacher made everyone sing happy birthday for me. I also wanted to stay home but then I would have gotten the song the day after. I would never have been allowed to stay home and I asked a lot for it. I tried every trick known to me.. drinking salt water or shampoo. It never worked.

I do sympathize with that, as I've always HATED having people draw attention to my birthday and make a fuss of my new age. If this is why the OP's child wants the day off, I would sympathize a bit more, though a better solution might be to ask the teacher not to mention his birthday. In any case, I would assume that singing a communal song would be discouraged in these Covid times. But I get the impression that it's more a matter of considering a day off to be a treat.

VickyEadieofThigh · 09/03/2021 08:46

@IFoundMyselfInThisBar

How are you planning to explain the absence to school, by the way|? And are you happy to pay the fine? Every year?

🙄

She’ll most likely say he’s sick, as well you know. You phone, say they’re ill, that’s it. Nothing will come of it. Most parents I know have done this for one reason or another over the years.

So - teaching the child that (a) taking a day off is fine, (b) lying about it is fine and (c) your parents are dishonest (and you're going to have to be, too).

What a good thing his teacher has NO IDEA when his birthday is and won't know next year, either...

Whatafustercluck · 09/03/2021 09:03

I tend to work on my birthday, but if I choose to take the day off that's my choice because I'm an adult and can use my leave however I wish. Our dc would much prefer to be with their friends on their birthday. But I've always taken their birthdays off work and kept them home from the cm before they get to school age because childcare is not mandatory and friendships don't mean as much as mum and dad when they're really little.

nitsandwormsdodger · 09/03/2021 09:25

What about the fine ?
Sets a president
Not cool to get your kid to lie and see you lie , if you fake illness it will be more than a day - temperature -you will be asked to isolate and two days for sickness diorrea

We stuck a big badge in her and she hit lots of treats and special treatment all day. Absolutely loved it

nitsandwormsdodger · 09/03/2021 09:27

Especially as he doesn't like school sends wrong message

Lollipop1234 · 09/03/2021 09:31

@IFoundMyselfInThisBar

How are you planning to explain the absence to school, by the way|? And are you happy to pay the fine? Every year?

🙄

She’ll most likely say he’s sick, as well you know. You phone, say they’re ill, that’s it. Nothing will come of it. Most parents I know have done this for one reason or another over the years.

And then the teacher will ask the child if they’re better, and the poor child will either have to lie or will feel uncomfortable and will end up hating school even more....
IFoundMyselfInThisBar · 09/03/2021 09:42

And then the teacher will ask the child if they’re better, and the poor child will either have to lie or will feel uncomfortable and will end up hating school even more....

Teacher: Are you feeling better Harry?
Harry: Yes thank you Teacher.

Seems fine to me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

IFoundMyselfInThisBar · 09/03/2021 09:43

So - teaching the child that (a) taking a day off is fine, (b) lying about it is fine and (c) your parents are dishonest (and you're going to have to be, too).

It really doesn’t have to be a big thing.

ItsIgginningtolooklikelockdown · 09/03/2021 09:47

"Are you feeling better Harry? Such a shame you were sick on your birthday. I hope you still managed to have a good day" etc
Small children generally look up to their teacher and getting him to lie isn't fair. If he stays off you need to accept him being honest about it.

IFoundMyselfInThisBar · 09/03/2021 09:55

Teachers know this happens. The teachers I know wouldn’t be trying to catch a child out. Nothing will come of it, it’s really not a big deal, regardless of you trying to make it one. Teachers have too many children and too much to do in my experience.

PeapodBurgundy · 09/03/2021 16:36

I haven't been faced with this yet, as my eldest is only in Reception (it's his birthday tomorrow and he's happy to go in, so different for us).

I wouldn't say never though. It's one day, you know your child, and your home circumstances. Of course education is important, and children need good educational attendance (be that regular home schooling or regular attendance at school), but we must remember the mental health effects on children. I think expectations of children are often too high. Yes they need to do things they don't like, yes they ahve to learn to be resiliant as they won't cope with life in general. That being said, I still can't see how having ONE day off for their birthday will have a significant negative impact on those things, but I can easily see how it could have a positive impact on their self worth and mental health.

They'll feel listened to, and that their needs and opinions are respected. As long as it's made clear it's a one off for their birthday, and that they can't opt out every time things get hard, I really can't see how it's going to cause any lasting issues.

(I was a teacher before I had DS, and now work tutoring within the home education community for context.)

PeapodBurgundy · 09/03/2021 16:38

I should have added, I wouldn't lie about it. I'dbe honest with the school about it being on mental health grounds given recent struggles.

FrankieFalcone · 09/03/2021 16:39

Nope and I have a dc whose birthday always falls just after the summer holidays.

Bumblebee1980a · 10/03/2021 12:23

Have you decided what you're going to do with him on his day off op? I think it will be nice for him to have something to look forward too. Smile

Our children are precious and happiness is the key.

I was thinking about this and I would be honest with the teacher and tell him/her he is having the day off.

I would then suggest scheduling a meeting with her for how to move forward so your little boy is can be happy again at school.

Is another child being unkind to him?
Is he struggling with some of the work? Being a little behind on something can make us lose our confidence (this happens in adult life too).
Does he have anyone to play with at playtime?

Try and get to the bottom on why he isn't happy at school.

Thanks
ememem84 · 21/03/2021 13:29

@Dutchesss

For those saying no, would you go to work on your birthday or book the day off? I'm lucky both my children's birthdays fall in the summer holidays so I haven't had to think about it.
I’ve taken the dc out of nursery on their birthdays and we go and do something fun. Or that was always the plan pre covid.

I incidentally my employer gives everyone the day off on their birthday. As long as it falls on a working day. I don’t work Fridays and my birthday last year was a Friday.

Ds is late September and will always have a school birthday. Dd late July so unlikely to have a school birthday.

mummy2CnB · 09/04/2021 22:59

Iran personally o would but on the understanding not every year. Also no cake or presents til after school is not something we do. We get up earlier so they can unwrap presents and always cake for breakfast on birthdays unless otherwise requested. (I request bacon avocado and bring croissants myself lol)

X2trouble · 03/06/2023 18:56

I would always give my 2 children and make my husband take work off for our birthdays and our children's. Birthdays are to be celebrated by your family as the day you are born. They are so important. Take your kids out. Eff school . Get your priorities right

RampantIvy · 03/06/2023 19:05

X2trouble · 03/06/2023 18:56

I would always give my 2 children and make my husband take work off for our birthdays and our children's. Birthdays are to be celebrated by your family as the day you are born. They are so important. Take your kids out. Eff school . Get your priorities right

Perhaps you should get your priorities right.