Parents who have home schooled throughout all this have had it much easier

[LifeIsaShitShow]

Compared to parents of children who have special needs and do this day in day out not just in a pandemic. Now this is just my opinion but before I’m flamed just wait as it comes from me, a parent who has a child with Sen who has been completely failed by the education system/ school/ the local authority, a parent who has had their dc in and out of school for the last six years, on reduced timetables, excluded, sent to schools miles away out of borough with no support what so ever.

My ds is 11 next month and he is currently at a specialist school. By the age of 9 he had been to 3 schools, not including nursery where he was, at age 3, only allowed to attend for 1 hour a a day, and was also “asked” to leave wrap around club which meant I had to leave work as I had no childcare for him which was essential for me to do my job. He was excluded (by the back door eg managed moved forced on us) from his first school age 5 after spending most of reception on a reduced timetable and being sent home every couple of weeks. No school in borough could/would take him due to his complex needs/spaces available in school, so he ended up at a school in the next borough meaning I had to drive approximately 150 miles a week to get him there. I was that drained mentally that I didn’t even think to ask the local authority about parental mileage, which I later found out I was entitled to (and owed thousands by the time my ds left this school) and they didn’t tell me of course so I cracked on taking him to school.

After the first 9-10 months things started to go downhill and my ds was put on a reduced timetable again and I was expected do work with him at home in the afternoons which I did for about a year. This was horrendous as he would have huge meltdowns over doing it but his teacher would phone me if he didn’t do it and make a big deal about it.

The LA had meetings behind my back with the school and one day I went in and was told my son couldn’t go back after half term and they had found a specialist school for him. This school was completely unsuitable, they wanted him to go to a school for kids who (solely) had behaviour problems. My son is autistic and needed a small specialist setting with children similar to him and staff who were trained in supporting dc with autism. I refused to send him and ended up home schooling him for six months and had to go to a tribunal appeal, spend money I didn’t have, pay for independent reports which I had to use my credit card for and I’m now in debt. Whilst at the same time trying to provide my ds with some form of education. I was mentally physically and emotionally drained but eventually I got my ds into the school we so desperately wanted. He only started a year ago is now year six and I am faced with the sobering fact that my ds has more or less missed out on his entire primary education. It’s time we will never get back and despite the fact that he is very able in some ways, I very much doubt he will ever meet his potential due to all that he has been through.

Whilst I don’t doubt that home schooling has been hard for some parents, and I do get it,
I also find it hard to feel that much empathy for some people in particular who have the time, energy, money, resources to put into home schooling their kids yet do nothing
but moan. They really have no clue what it’s like to do this all the time and with a child who has Sen. Whilst I wouldn’t change my ds as he’s amazing, I can only
Imagine what it would be like to be able home school a neuro typical child who doesn’t face the challenges my ds does. Compared to what I deal with on a filet basis I honestly think it would be a walk in the park. So maybe on reflection people who are in the fortunate position to be able to spend extra time with their kids who are more able and who’s kids are happy to spend more time with them, maybe just see how lucky you are

I'm sorry you went through all that.
It is difficult it is a completely different situation than homeschooling during a pandemic.

I have two children, one has significant SEN and has therefore been welcomed at her school during lockdown. The other child has no SEN has has been at home with me - he has definitely DURING THE PANDEMIC.

Obviously my child with SEN has is harder normally/the rest of the time/most of her life but that doesn't really alter how tough homeschooling during a pandemic is??

@DownRightAmazing

I have two children, one has significant SEN and has therefore been welcomed at her school during lockdown. The other child has no SEN has has been at home with me - he has definitely DURING THE PANDEMIC.

Obviously my child with SEN has is harder normally/the rest of the time/most of her life but that doesn't really alter how tough homeschooling during a pandemic is??

Butterfingers.

Should read 'he has definitely had it harder during the pandemic'

@KOKOagainandagain I agree with you but that still doesn’t make sense out of OP’s “stop complaining because I have it harder” stance.

She then posted saying it wasn’t a competition but that’s what she made it!

People can’t not feel their feelings because someone else is worse off.

Playing top trumps with regard to SEN and NT children is really not on.
Everyone , who has children, will experience current school provision/home learning very differently.

No we have not had any easier!! It's been extremely hard. Just because my kids aren't sen doesn't mean they can't be equally challenging at times. It's been tough.

Everyone needs to blow off steam sometimes. Just be sensitive about where and to whom you do it.

I’m sorry you’re struggling.

However.

I lost my mother young. I don’t resent people who are close with their mothers. I choose every day to be thankful for the time we have together.

It’s not the best point ever made, but honestly. We all have it hard in different ways. It can very often be worse. Let people have a bad day.

I do agree with ‘It’s not a race to the bottom’.

You're right

One thing about covid was it was a great leveller and people were living the life many carers of disabled people have been existing in for years. Right down to not being able to go to the park.

My life barely changed over lockdown. In fact in a lot of ways it's been easier.

You can’t possibly know what goes on in another person’s life that you can make such a sweeping statement. Lots of people are struggling for different reasons. It’s not as black and white as you make out.

Turning the pandemic into a misery - off is pretty pointless. Everyone has struggled for different reasons. What you are mainly saying is that parenting a SEN child is generally harder than parenting a NT child, which I am sure is mostly true. Trying to belittle other people's struggles probably isn't the way to garner sympathy though.

You haven't taken into account doing a ft job from home as well as home schooling at the same time

what a ridiculous thread

I also find it hard to feel that much empathy for some people in particular who have the time, energy, money, resources to put into home schooling their kids yet do nothing but moan.

no one cares about your empathy, HTH

Parents who had to work full time, while homeschooling their children with special need who lost access to any help during the pandemic had it a lot worst than you.

There, you feel better now?

There has been too many threads from parents in tears and at complete breaking point because the pandemic stopped what little help they used to have to deal with very very challenging children. They wouldn't dream of telling YOU how "lucky you are" because of how easy your life is. You should be ashamed frankly.

I hate the idea that because on the surface someone else seems to be having it tougher it means that others shouldn’t be allowed to comment they are finding things hard. Can’t we just all support each other?

I remember when DS was a baby and in hdu on the children’s ward I went into the parents room and found another parent in tears because she was worried about her child. So I made her a coffee and sat and listened to her worried about her child having some teeth out. When I saw her later that day and she realised that I was in with critically ill Ds she apologised for crying to me. But at that point in time she needed the support more than me (at other times in that few weeks I wouldn’t have been able to string a sentence together at all!)

We all have different breaking points along the way and I would hate for someone not to ask for help they needed for fear of thinking they would be judged by others who “have it worse”

So this is actually a thread about a relative of yours and how ‘easy’ they’ve had it compared to you?

I’ll just reiterate what others have said, it’s not a competition.

@indigovapour yes you are excellent at this

Of course it’s a competition, the whole education system and life beyond is designed as a competition.

It’s a funny old time as home schooling (very different to home Ed) is coming to an end for many and that means change and a feeling of relief for most families. If you are not most families being faced with no return to school or the very real possibility that school placement may break down in the future is scary and you don’t get to join in with the emotional journey of relief as lockdown is ended. The thing I disagree with is separating SEN from NT.

For example all children that require MH treatment should have been fully funded with treatment accessible long before the pandemic. All children should have had easy access to education. All people out of work should have income above Universal Credit or the shitty £1.87 an hour for Carers Allowance.

It’s not a race to the bottom but I really hope that those at the bottom are better supported and that the majority population comes out of this wanting to do that.

As a parent of a SEN child YABU it's not a competition, everyone struggles. I've spent lots of time at the hospital this lockdown as he also has health issues does that mean I trump you? Do I win op? 🙄

I think all the talk about competition and race to the bottom is seized upon if those at the bottom dare to hope that previously entitled folk will finally give you a break and admit you are where you are because things out of your control happen. There but for the grace of god and all that.

But we seem to live in a topsy-turvy world where parents with SEN DC that have suffered disadvantage for years can't expect solidarity. Rather they are personally attacked and shamed if they don't show sufficient empathy to those experiencing a fraction of what they did for a finite time and buffered by national and governmental support.

One way - from the bottom to the top. Fits rather well with financial redistribution from the bottom to the top.

It's a theme of the times. Can't afford to pay NHS more than 1% rise but can afford non collection of tax from companies like Amazon.

Do you work full time OP as well as homeschooling? How many other children are you having to homeschool whilst working full time?

@KOKOagainandagain

I think all the talk about competition and race to the bottom is seized upon if those at the bottom dare to hope that previously entitled folk will finally give you a break and admit you are where you are because things out of your control happen. There but for the grace of god and all that.

But we seem to live in a topsy-turvy world where parents with SEN DC that have suffered disadvantage for years can't expect solidarity. Rather they are personally attacked and shamed if they don't show sufficient empathy to those experiencing a fraction of what they did for a finite time and buffered by national and governmental support.

One way - from the bottom to the top. Fits rather well with financial redistribution from the bottom to the top.

It's a theme of the times. Can't afford to pay NHS more than 1% rise but can afford non collection of tax from companies like Amazon.

Again, this is really odd given the OP.

She didn’t ask for solidarity. She didn’t ask for empathy.

It was literally a thread about how people finding it hard just shouldn’t be!

If you're surrounding yourself with people who annoy you, spend less time around then / mute them on FB or be honest and tell them how hard it is for you and why.

But the whole "no one should be able to complain but me" is pointless.

My child doesn't have the needs yours has but that doesn't mean it's easy because he doesn't like school / home learning.

My friends daughter adores school and Mommy school and is an only child and she's a SAHP so it's all Rosey and Fun but it doesn't mean she doesn't have days when it's exhausting and she finds it hard.

My friend has two children with complex needs and a middle child who is typical so she's balancing home schooling the older two with therapies for her youngest plus she's had covid and had close family v poorly with covid and her DH has medical needs too. Doesn't mean you aren't allowed to moan and find it hard.

@OhCaptain
Again, this is really odd given the OP.
She didn’t ask for solidarity. She didn’t ask for empathy. (for herself)
It was literally a thread about how people finding it hard just shouldn’t be!

The first four paragraphs of her OP sound like a appeal for empathy to me. She's trying to explain her position and why things have always been so difficult for her DS and her family, not just during Covid. I don't think you've listened to her.

You can appeal for empathy for yourself without playing down the struggles others will have faced though.

Everyone’s battle is their own