Cancer and not sending child back to school

[lpsandmore]

Curious what others would do really.

Mum has cancer and just started chemo. DC is 12 and due to go back to secondary school. They do really well at home and would be supported full time. Oncology has advised not to send as real threat etc. School has no choice as it is not DC that is CV. Would you keep them at home this side of Easter? It seems much safer imo to wait till after and I doubt they'll get much done at school with all the testing and settling back in.

Just wanted to see what others would do in this situation. Would you send in or keep till after Easter? Staying with another relative is not an option as all too far away.

I would speak to pastoral/welfare at school. They may not be able to authorise the absence legally but you can explain the situation. Their hands may be tied on the legal side of it. Even if is recorded as unauthorised if a welfare office gets involved they will see that she is working hard with support at home and completing work. I can not imagine they will take it further due to the situation.

So DM lives with you?

Was your mum not given the vaccine before she started chemo?
Lots of people with cancer have been sending their children to school all through lockdown so they can cope with chemo.

MrsPnut It says above quite clearly that the family have been advised by the oncologist that the child going into school would pose a risk. People respond quite differently to chemo, and different chemos regimes vary in their effect. Some people manage to maintain healthy white blood cell counts throughout. I nearly died because my white blood cells were wiped out by my first chemo dose and I caught strep throat from a child sitting on the other side of a table. I think the Oncologist is probably a better source of advice than you.

If the child is doing well at home then there is no reason to take that risk. In any case having a parent go through Cancer treatment is a formative experience and spending time as a family is important too. Depending on the chemo the Mum (I assume it is the child’s mum) should have good weeks when her white blood cell count recovers and they are less susceptible to infection so social contact is safer.

So you mean the child's mum? Or your mum (child's grandmother)?

@Emilyontmoor

MrsPnut It says above quite clearly that the family have been advised by the oncologist that the child going into school would pose a risk. People respond quite differently to chemo, and different chemos regimes vary in their effect. Some people manage to maintain healthy white blood cell counts throughout. I nearly died because my white blood cells were wiped out by my first chemo dose and I caught strep throat from a child sitting on the other side of a table. I think the Oncologist is probably a better source of advice than you.

If the child is doing well at home then there is no reason to take that risk. In any case having a parent go through Cancer treatment is a formative experience and spending time as a family is important too. Depending on the chemo the Mum (I assume it is the child’s mum) should have good weeks when her white blood cell count recovers and they are less susceptible to infection so social contact is safer.

I do know, I’ve recently had five cycles of chemo for one cancer and about to have 6 cycles for a different cancer. My child returns to school next week.

Don't know anyone that has done that and gets chemo to be honest but again I don't know many. It wouldn't be keeping her indefinitely just till after Easter. The current secondary return is just a big experiment we can't really afford to take part in.
No vaccine I'm afraid.

Yes I would keep DC home. We are in a similar position with DS. DD has been told to shield by her consultant and we sent the letter to DS's school and said he will be at home until at least Easter. They have accepted that.

Meanwhile we are trying to get the GP to recognise that DD should be in group 6 for the vaccine based on the consultant's letter, so DS can return to school. He's in Y11 so doesn't have long left so we are fairly relaxed about him not going back.

This link may be helpful for the school. www.pilc.org.uk/news/story/pilc-briefing-on-school-attendance-in-covid-19/

I wouldn’t send the child back due to the risk. The doctors haven’t said that for the fun of it. I understand what you mean about the return to school being an experiment at this stage.

OP - as a teacher I would say that I am happier going in this time than I was in September. Testing will help and mask wearing in secondary will also help.

Do speak to the school - they are usually supportive in situations like this. It might help to see if you can get the oncologist to put his advice in writing so the school can see that it's not just you saying it.

We've spoken to the school. They've said they have a number of kids in this situation and it's up to us to decide what to do. They haven't commented on authorisation etc. but they have been very sympathetic and DC has a great track record of completing school work at home. They do much better at home then in school anyway.
It is interesting to see the different view points. The plan isn't to shield forever, she deserves an education in the classroom and she would definitely go back after Easter. I think there will be a lot of distribution in the next two weeks and I wouldn't be surprised if her bubble gets sent home anyway with all the tests they have to take.

It just worries me that she could lose her mum to the common cold (white blood cells completely wiped) and the gov doesn't seem to care that they'll potentially have a lot of orphans on their hands.

I would keep her home if I was in this situation.

I’d keep her at home until after Easter if your DD is happy with that. Many DC would be devastated by anxiety at the thought of bringing something home to an immune-suppressed person - your 12 year old’s opinion is valid here too. How do they feel?

I would follow oncologist advice. Your dd is doing well with online work so I think probably best to keep her home.

It’s only a few weeks, just get school to continue to provide work. It’s a no brainer for me.

Best wishes with your treatment.

I don't really tell her the extent of it and I don't plan to just because I don't want her to live with the guilt of thinking it was her fault if I don't make it. It's very unlikely I won't make it but covid is currently a real threat for me. She is receiving some great therapy from MacMillan and is happy. I let her meet her friends everyday for exercise and make sure she's socialising. I don't plan to create a hermit.
I just think with the uncertainty of the return, close proximity of the holidays and the fact I'm completely free, makes me think it would be silly of me to send her in. She is really dreading going back, she's in all the lowest sets and there are extremely disruptive kids there at the best of times, I know it'll be much worse now as they're not used to sitting and concentrating.

I'd keep her home.

It's shit

But your DC meant to return. There is no policy to allow DC to attend remotely in these circumstances .

I found that talking to head of pastoral care can be really useful. Either to blingpd eyeing an absence that shouldn't really be authorised (finding some exceptional code for it)

Or by maximising precautions round a child who is themselves CEV/former CEV or has CEV in immediate household: eg pupil sits at back of class (so no one breathing forwards onto her) in best ventilated part of classroom, everyone wears masks (exempt DC moving temporarily to another group), DC uses separate loos as they always get too crowded (if available - they can't go in to ones for staff, but there may be a disabled or visitors loo?) and if there are any cases anywhere near her (not just 'close contact' but any same room contact) then she goes straight home to SI

In those circs, you may want to see if there is somewhere else she can live for that 10 days

If the kids are happy to stay at home. I’d definitely keep them home.

I’d personally keep Dc at home especially in high school no chance. My friends little boy is in year 7 and so far this year the whole family has had to isolate 4 times due to child coming in that was positive. I’ve had chemotherapy and it’s not worth the risk. They would feel dreadful getting the virus on top.

@nether Thank you for your comment, it's crap and I do understand where you are coming from but honestly that sounds like the most depressing 2 weeks at school. I wouldn't want to subject her to that. What's the point of her going in if she's going to be tip toeing around everyone scared to kill her mum. I would never ask that of her. She's bloody 12.
I'd rather just pay the fine.

@nether

It's shit

But your DC meant to return. There is no policy to allow DC to attend remotely in these circumstances .

I found that talking to head of pastoral care can be really useful. Either to blingpd eyeing an absence that shouldn't really be authorised (finding some exceptional code for it)

Or by maximising precautions round a child who is themselves CEV/former CEV or has CEV in immediate household: eg pupil sits at back of class (so no one breathing forwards onto her) in best ventilated part of classroom, everyone wears masks (exempt DC moving temporarily to another group), DC uses separate loos as they always get too crowded (if available - they can't go in to ones for staff, but there may be a disabled or visitors loo?) and if there are any cases anywhere near her (not just 'close contact' but any same room contact) then she goes straight home to SI

In those circs, you may want to see if there is somewhere else she can live for that 10 days

That seems a lot of faffing about and unnecessary risk if the child can remain at home risk free end still get access to education.

I am a huge supporter of children being able to go to school but no chance would I take this risk in this situation

Keep her home! I'm assuming you are the mum in question? Oncologist has recommended it, school are sympathetic even if their hands are tied - can you afford the fine if it comes to it? DD doing well at home with work. 3 weeks of school versus her mum possibly dying? She would feel awful if she brought it home.
I'm a teacher. Teenagers don't social distance and schools, especially secondaries, are NOT safe places to be in terms of catching it. They are going back because for the vast majority of teens catching it isnt a big deal. For your DD, taking it home would be a massive deal. This government have shown they have no clue what conditions in schools are like time and time again. Listen to your oncologist, not to Gavin Williamson's ridiculous suggestion (which, btw, suggests you should send her back AND ALSO social distance from her at home and not share a bathroom so clearly not in the real world).

It's only 3 weeks until Easter so just keep her at home imo.

Keep her off. I can’t think of a single good reason to send her back that would outweigh the risk of loosing her mum.

What you’ve said about her being in lower sets and benefiting from less disruption is just a bonus. The basic situation is clear that she should be off I would say.