Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Cancer and not sending child back to school

87 replies

lpsandmore · 05/03/2021 10:14

Curious what others would do really.

Mum has cancer and just started chemo. DC is 12 and due to go back to secondary school. They do really well at home and would be supported full time. Oncology has advised not to send as real threat etc. School has no choice as it is not DC that is CV. Would you keep them at home this side of Easter? It seems much safer imo to wait till after and I doubt they'll get much done at school with all the testing and settling back in.

Just wanted to see what others would do in this situation. Would you send in or keep till after Easter? Staying with another relative is not an option as all too far away.

OP posts:

Keepsmiling1 · 05/03/2021 14:23

You can book online for the vaccine now as undergoing chemotherapy classes you as CEV. That doesn't help with your decision but just thought I'd let you know in case you didn't already know. My friend is undergoing chemo and she has had it.

Lovemylittlebear · 05/03/2021 14:23

Keep her home x

Belladonna12 · 05/03/2021 14:28

I would keep her home until next term. Will your immune system be okay by then though? I know it's not yet licensed in children that perhaps look at entering her into the trial?

Belladonna12 · 05/03/2021 14:29

I mean I know the vaccine isn't yet licensed in children but perhaps consider whether she would like to be in the trial they are doing at the moment?

Original poster

lpsandmore · 05/03/2021 14:35

I can't have the vaccine at the moment. They have told me to wait until white blood cells are up.
I really think the situation will be different after the Easter holidays. I wouldn't be surprised if they change their mind about all of their plans as they're doing this opening to see what effect it'll have on numbers. I don't trust the government at all and it is a military operation testing all of these kids so I'm sure they will want to end this as soon as possible.
I didn't know about the trial, I'll ask. Not opposed to it at all.

OP posts:

QueenPaw · 05/03/2021 14:38

I would keep her home. I don't have DC but I'm neutropenic and have been shielding and wouldn't be happy sending to school

Soontobe60 · 05/03/2021 14:45

While I understand your concern, I’m a bit unclear as to why you're letting her meet up with her friends? That seems to negate your reason for not sending her back in.

Belladonna12 · 05/03/2021 14:47

@Soontobe60

While I understand your concern, I’m a bit unclear as to why you're letting her meet up with her friends? That seems to negate your reason for not sending her back in.

Meeting up with one friend outside at a distance is not the same as sitting inside next to several different children!

Original poster

lpsandmore · 05/03/2021 14:51

@soontobe60 Im confused why you even ask me this. How does it negate anything. I don't plan to make her sit at home like a hermit, she has every right to see her friends. There's no other kids in the house, she'd go crazy and probably get quite fat. You can't tell me doing exercise with her friend outside is the same as her being in a school of 1000 kids and than hundreds more from others on the bus there.

OP posts:

GrumpyHoonMain · 05/03/2021 14:53

I sympathise but if you’re letting her see friends then you might as well let her go to school. You haven’t said what your prognosis is and I think a lot depends on that. If there is hope for you to get better then definitely keep her off but I think it’s important to know that at her age her support network (outside of family) is school. If they can arrange some form of pastoral support for her that would be ideal.

Original poster

lpsandmore · 05/03/2021 14:57

I think I've heard all I need to hear. This thread is starting to attract people that can't read or have any common sense and it'll end up upsetting me so I will log off for now.

Thank you all for the helpful input, it has put my mind at ease, especially the ones in a similar situation, my thoughts are with you.

OP posts:

Belladonna12 · 05/03/2021 15:02

@lpsandmore

I think I've heard all I need to hear. This thread is starting to attract people that can't read or have any common sense and it'll end up upsetting me so I will log off for now.

Thank you all for the helpful input, it has put my mind at ease, especially the ones in a similar situation, my thoughts are with you.

Ignore the posters making ignorant and unkind comments. All the best in the future.

Soontobe60 · 05/03/2021 17:47

[quote lpsandmore]@soontobe60 Im confused why you even ask me this. How does it negate anything. I don't plan to make her sit at home like a hermit, she has every right to see her friends. There's no other kids in the house, she'd go crazy and probably get quite fat. You can't tell me doing exercise with her friend outside is the same as her being in a school of 1000 kids and than hundreds more from others on the bus there.[/quote]
I didnt ask you anything. I just raised a point. You said she was seeing her friends, plural.
Obviously you have to consider everybody, including yourself.

Soontobe60 · 05/03/2021 17:50

@lpsandmore

I think I've heard all I need to hear. This thread is starting to attract people that can't read or have any common sense and it'll end up upsetting me so I will log off for now.

Thank you all for the helpful input, it has put my mind at ease, especially the ones in a similar situation, my thoughts are with you.

Apologies if you did not like what I and some other posters wrote. You posted in AIBU. Personally I don't think you are being unreasonable, I completely understand, but unfortunately this particular forum may give you responses that you don’t agree with.

MyDcAreMarvel · 05/03/2021 17:56

@lpsandmore school can authorise this link may help there is a notice for schools from the public law centre. It relates to a letter before action from a CEV parent.
www.pilc.org.uk/blog/school-attendance-for-cev-households-in-covid-19/?fbclid=IwAR2Nq-9D03zD2lIfKR5vINfSTel49jF_AF3By5pL7Y77na4FXcLRWtKtBiQ

lanthanum · 05/03/2021 18:36

I'm sure that (a) there's a way to authorise the absence, (b) they wouldn't be heartless enough to fine for absence in this circumstance, and (c) you'd rather pay the fine and stay alive.

It sounds like keeping her off is the best option, and it's what oncology advise.

I hope your treatment is successful and your daughter gets all the support she needs from school and friends while she stays away from the classroom.

dappledsunshine · 05/03/2021 18:53

I know you may have stepped away from the thread op but I would keep her off. Your reasons are very valid and particularly if she is doing well and is happy at home, it sounds like the best thing for both of you right now.

Hankunamatata · 05/03/2021 19:20

OP you have cancer, do what's best for you and your daughter. Homeschool her for time being - she will want to spend time with you anyway. Once vaccine is up and running then review sending her to school. I would rule out home schooling for the foreseeable future

Hankunamatata · 05/03/2021 19:21

I wouldnt

willloman · 05/03/2021 19:22

Keep the children home.

GrumpyHoonMain · 05/03/2021 19:22

@lpsandmore

I think I've heard all I need to hear. This thread is starting to attract people that can't read or have any common sense and it'll end up upsetting me so I will log off for now.

Thank you all for the helpful input, it has put my mind at ease, especially the ones in a similar situation, my thoughts are with you.

We all had fair points. I went through something similar as a child with my gran who raised me - school was probably the only thing that kept me sane. But obvs as the parent it’s up to you.

Original poster

lpsandmore · 05/03/2021 19:37

I'm not saying points weren't valid. I'm just very confused how on earth seeing a friend for exercise = being in a school with over a thousand kids full time. How is this even an argument worth posting?
There are so many things all of us have to balance each day, and sometimes life wraps us up and it's hard to see a stupid decision being made, hence me posting on here. When you have cancer, your family doesn't tend to criticise your decisions and this isn't always helpful. This is why I posted on AIBU.
As for letting her out, friends may be plural as she sees different ones. I have to balance that in my head really. There will always be risks and I think that's a risk that I'm willing to take in the context of the situation. She needs friends and an outlet. I don't want to keep her home. The going back to school risk just doesn't weigh up in my head. She learns really well at home so this would actually benefit her, but I was mostly worried in the legal sense. Some of the posters have been very helpful with this and I am very grateful for your help.

OP posts:

gottakeeponmovin · 05/03/2021 19:45

I think you are over reacting to be honest. Kids go to school with parents with cancer all the time - it's not just covid it's any infection that's an issue. You are going to have cancer for a while - the situation isn't going to be any different after Easter. You just need to keep doing tests etc. I think perhaps she could do with a bit of normality to be honest. Her Mum has cancer which is a big enough thing to swallow but then. Have all your friends go back to school and you have to start at home feels like further stress. My mother has just been diagnosed with leukaemia and she has been advised to still have the jab so I would get a second opinion on that

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 05/03/2021 19:59

We'd have to say officially 'it is your decision' but what we'd mean is 'Of course it's fine, we'll find a way of coding it so you don't get any hassle'.

Original poster

lpsandmore · 05/03/2021 20:17

@gottakeeponmovin You're 100% right, one side of me definitely thinks this and when I speak to my family they dont give me this argument as you can imagine.
This is also why Im not fussed about her going back after Easter. I can't possibly keep her in forever but it does seem silly to send her in when the CV are able to stay home and continue getting remote education. Her best friend is CV and she won't be there either.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4