WIBU in making this child cry?!

[ILoveFlumps]

We have a new build house, which has shingles on the front garden next to the driveway.
I went out of my front door to put some rubbish in the bin and find a man with his toddler son playing on the shingles. I was a bit confused and politely said “excuse me, would you mind not doing that on my front garden?”. The man then replied “he’s just a child who is playing”. I replied “but it’s my property”
He then picked up his child who then started crying and as he was walking away he said to me “are you happy now, you made him cry?”
I’m a bit taken aback! Was I wrong to tell them to stop playing in my front garden?!

Assuming the worst of people leads us to show the worst of ourselves as individuals and a community - very evident on this thread

Unchartedsea "Were they on your driveway or in your garden and close up to your house?"

They'd walked 15 metres up the drive and were in the garden!

I expect it's a one-off and he knows he was being weird. Try not to let it get under your skin, him being weird not you.

Meh I'm not sure i could get so worked up.

My house and next doors drive are on the same side without a fence so make a big square patch of tarmac, unsurprisingly the kids play there.

As long as I'm not using my tarmac/shingles/grass at the time I really just couldn't be arsed to tell them to stay on their half

@CustardySergeant

Unchartedsea "Were they on your driveway or in your garden and close up to your house?"

They'd walked 15 metres up the drive and were in the garden!

Ahhh the classic drip feed.....

@Proudboomer

I spend a lot of time and money on my garden including the front garden. Every year I lose most of my spring flowers to entitled parents who’s never told no child picks the heads off. If I see them and ask them to stop their child then I get the stink eye and but he/she is only a child and they only want one as they are so pretty. Yes they are pretty but if every child who wants one is allowed to pull a head off then there are none left for the rest of us to enjoy. And I won’t even mention the handfuls of Stachys I lose every year because they are furry and their little darling just wants a few leafs to stroke.

I wouldn't bother with the parents, I'd yell at the invading, thieving brats, victims of 'gentle parenting', if that's this year's fad, gentle is 6/7 of neglect, with which I've confused more than one puzzled parent.

@Unchartedsea

Assuming the worst of people leads us to show the worst of ourselves as individuals and a community - very evident on this thread

OP politely asked someone to move off her driveway. In return she was told they were doing nothing wrong and that she’d made a child cry. How do you assume the best when someone behaves like that?

@StillCoughingandLaughing

My point is not related to the morality of the toddler playing with shingles.

BUT rather how we react to situations like this, even if it’s “wrong”, careless parenting without boundaries, (or not...).

Getting worked up about the FIRST occasion a toddler is playing with some shingles on a driveway is a bit intense, that’s all. Who knows what sort of day came before that moment for the child and possible worn-out father (or even the poster I suppose). A spot of compassion in these situations can build relationships and wellbeing. It doesn’t have to mean you grant an open all season ticket to access ones shingle driveway.

@CustardySergeant

“They'd walked 15 metres up the drive and were in the garden!“

Panic stations!!! 🙄
Maybe the poster should call the police to report the trespassing in case it’s an ongoing threat. 😉

[quote Unchartedsea]@CustardySergeant

“They'd walked 15 metres up the drive and were in the garden!“

Panic stations!!! 🙄
Maybe the poster should call the police to report the trespassing in case it’s an ongoing threat. 😉[/quote]
On a lot properties, they would have been well into the back garden after 15 metres. Would that also be okay?

[quote Unchartedsea]@StillCoughingandLaughing

My point is not related to the morality of the toddler playing with shingles.

BUT rather how we react to situations like this, even if it’s “wrong”, careless parenting without boundaries, (or not...).

Getting worked up about the FIRST occasion a toddler is playing with some shingles on a driveway is a bit intense, that’s all. Who knows what sort of day came before that moment for the child and possible worn-out father (or even the poster I suppose). A spot of compassion in these situations can build relationships and wellbeing. It doesn’t have to mean you grant an open all season ticket to access ones shingle driveway.[/quote]
So how should the OP have reacted? She was perfectly polite. What would you rather she had done?

I find it really weird that so many people would genuinely be ok to find someone playing in their garden. It's just weird inappropriate behaviour and the dad should have explained that it was someone elses garden and you cant go in other other peoples gardens because its rude. What is your boundary? Could someone be in your back garden? Playing with their dog in your garden? Do you wander into other peoples gardens and play on their swings? Just weird.

I find it really weird that so many people would genuinely be ok to find someone playing in their garden.

They wouldn't. 😂 I bet you they honestly wouldn't. But that doesn't stop people from showing off the halo they pretend to have😂

I think most people don’t want strangers in their garden, including me. That is perfectly reasonable.

But the point of interest to me, and what I have commented on, is how bothered I would be by the first witnessed episode of a toddler playing with some shingles (not very) and how I would communicate with the toddler and parent on this first occasion.

I wouldn’t invite them in for rice cakes and milk. But I would start the interaction by saying something like;

“Hello! My name is unchartedsea, I live here. I don’t think we’ve met before - where do you live?”
Then a bit of “chit chat” about the pandemic and stuff (go wild with this bit). If I felt the intrusion was sufficiently serious and the trespassers hadn’t apologised and explained themselves spontaneously I would round off with a polite request similar to the first thing the original poster said.

I just think that gets the job done but in a friendlier way.

I certainly don’t have a halo. I can tell someone to fuck off just as well as someone with devil horns.

It's hard to move toddlers on from shingle, I've so often been asking mine to put it down and I wouldn't expect anyone to be delighted to find him dicking about in their front garden. The dad was unreasonable, but possibly just knackered, so don't take it to heart. Next time tell the dad that the foxes like to poo in the shingle and you haven't cleaned it in a little while; that's been working a treat with toddler DS anyway. It did require explanation when he shouted "ew, yucky fox poo" at a stranger who was innocently walking out of her house though.

Unchartedsea"Were they on your driveway or in your garden and close up to your house?"

They'd walked 15 metres up the drive and were in the garden!

Ahhh the classic drip feed.....

Not at all! I'd be annoyed if someone walked 1m or 15m into my front garden to let their child 'play'

It's my property, paid for by me so it's not a free for all for anyine to come and let themselves onto my drive, garden, etc.

@Baws

I dread to think what ‘delights’ some of the DC of the posters commenting on this thread are! 😳 Who in their right mind thinks it’s ok for their kids to run around other people’s property? 🙄 Kids need boundaries and learning you can’t get everything you want in life from a young age is an essential life skill. OP - Of course you weren’t BU, ignore anyone who says you are!

☝🏻 This!

I caught a mum and child feeding my horse the other day, despite the huge signs asking people not to.

Mum gave me a mouthful as her child wanted to give the horses a treat and I would make her cry and didn’t really understand why I didn’t give a shit whether her child cried or not.

@MRex

It's hard to move toddlers on from shingle, I've so often been asking mine to put it down and I wouldn't expect anyone to be delighted to find him dicking about in their front garden. The dad was unreasonable, but possibly just knackered, so don't take it to heart. Next time tell the dad that the foxes like to poo in the shingle and you haven't cleaned it in a little while; that's been working a treat with toddler DS anyway. It did require explanation when he shouted "ew, yucky fox poo" at a stranger who was innocently walking out of her house though.

It's not hard to move toddlers on from shingle if they have been taught from a young age that playing on someone's drive is not acceptable. The same as it's not acceptable to walk on someone's wall, run across their grass or whatever else they want to do. Explain to your son why he shouldn't be playing in shingle that belongs to someone else, not make up silly excuses like fox poo! I have had my own children and now work with young children so I do know it's possible.

@steppingcarefully - of course there's fox poo in shingle, we are getting rid of it from our own garden for that reason and that's where DS knows about it from. OP's issue is the parent being grumpy about moving on the child, it isn't her place to train the toddler so I suggested it as a humorous way of handling the dad.

You're so keen to criticise that you missed that I already tell my toddler to put it down. Toddlers are little and still learning, so it takes a lot of repetition for them to learn things they can't do and why, might be worth remembering that if you genuinely need to be near little children in your job.

“Hello! My name is unchartedsea, I live here. I don’t think we’ve met before - where do you live?”Then a bit of “chit chat” about the pandemic and stuff (go wild with this bit). If I felt the intrusion was sufficiently serious and the trespassers hadn’t apologised and explained themselves spontaneously I would round off with a polite request similar to the first thing the original poster said.

Good grief this is bonkers. You may feel free to "build relationships and wellbeing" with people trespassing on your property but please refrain from giving the rest of us a tutorial on how to conduct ourselves in that situation. There was nothing wrong with the way the OP dealt with the situation and everything wrong with the fathers response.

It’s so uptight on this thread! 😬 Think the intensity of the pandemic is getting to some folk. Understandably.

I think some folk are commenting on my posts without reading them properly, or understanding them.

Yes, the father didn’t handle it well.
No, it’s not ok to let your kids play on other folks property.
Yes, being a parent is tough and sometimes we will risk “breaking the rules” because we have had a shit day and welcome a few moments of calm and happiness.
No, I don’t have a halo.

And it’s NOT BONKERS to be approachable and friendly, even if other aren’t being perfect parents or playing with your stones.

What a miserable lot some of the posters are!!
🙄

Think the intensity of the pandemic is getting to some folk.

Predominantly to people who think that the longer this is going on the more they can do whatever they want to with everyone's stuff

And since prople keep mentioning the pandemic.
One more reason to stay off other people's property, innit🤷🏻

It’s so uptight on this thread!

Uptight, miserable, OP getting worked up........hmm no not really, people are just very clear about boundaries and don't feel the need to sugar coat a polite request.

As I said what you do in your garden is entirely up to you but have a little respect that others may do things differently.

[quote MRex]@steppingcarefully - of course there's fox poo in shingle, we are getting rid of it from our own garden for that reason and that's where DS knows about it from. OP's issue is the parent being grumpy about moving on the child, it isn't her place to train the toddler so I suggested it as a humorous way of handling the dad.

You're so keen to criticise that you missed that I already tell my toddler to put it down. Toddlers are little and still learning, so it takes a lot of repetition for them to learn things they can't do and why, might be worth remembering that if you genuinely need to be near little children in your job.[/quote]
I did read the bit that you ask your toddler to put it down. You didn't make it clear that the fox poo is in your own shingle, it reads as if you tell your toddler this when he is playing with shingle on other peoples gardens. Yes I am fully aware of toddlers learning and repetition. Maybe hold onto your toddler before he wanders onto someone else's property.