WIBU in making this child cry?!

[ILoveFlumps]

We have a new build house, which has shingles on the front garden next to the driveway.
I went out of my front door to put some rubbish in the bin and find a man with his toddler son playing on the shingles. I was a bit confused and politely said “excuse me, would you mind not doing that on my front garden?”. The man then replied “he’s just a child who is playing”. I replied “but it’s my property”
He then picked up his child who then started crying and as he was walking away he said to me “are you happy now, you made him cry?”
I’m a bit taken aback! Was I wrong to tell them to stop playing in my front garden?!

@MrsABC123

People equating a child playing with a bit of gravel (is this what shingle is?!) with people turning up with deckchairs or digging up a garden are surely missing the point. These things are totally unacceptable but, as the minority have pointed out here, just messing with stones - which you wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't seen them - is not comparable.

15m into a driveway is weird but I let me 16 month old toddler potter into and out of open driveways because she's not doing any harm. I am not bringing her up to be a spoilt brat or not to respect private property, I just don't see the harm. If someone asked me to get off their land then of course I'd respect it but I'd also privately think they were a bit uptight and a bit of a dick.

It is not ok to let children think they can just help themselves to other people’s gardens. As for the dad, he’s an adult who should know better. His response to OP is setting a very bad example to his child.

The child needs to learn boundaries, which is also the problem with new builds: no fence / railings / hedges or gates. People seem to think that the front garden is just an extension of the pavement. We live in a Victorian street with stone front walls and we have a spring on our gate so it stays closed, but I'm a miserable bugger!

No doubt telling the kid that she was a horrible, nasty woman while walking away too. How dare she want something as basic as strangers staying the heck off her property

I've obviously wound you all up which is not my intention but please, please explain what is the harm? Just that.

No comments about childrearing, just what is the harm in a very young child walking on someone's driveway? Why would you object? Other than "it's mine and I can do what I like with it."

Other than "it's mine and I can do what I like with it."

Exactly that. Demanding to know what harm it does is simply a way of saying you will only respect other peoples boundaries if they make sense to you, arrogant and entitled. No one needs to satisfy you with an explanation about why they don't want you on their property.

‘However, the mothers wearing leopard print and big hoop earrings near where I live dont share the same ethos’

Are you really such a pearl clutcher in real life?

Simply because i don't want to end up in a situation when kid trips, loses tooth or whatever and I will end up in that drama through no fault of my own because it was my drive and I can't just easily ignore ot like if it happened on street.
Because the type of parent who lets kids run/walk on other people's property would be the loud and entitled one who would make it my fault.

Op, you wouldn’t have known they were there unless you were putting your bins out.

Yanbu, he was being a knob. I'd of asked them to move off too.

You were not unreasonable.

@Reinventinganna

Op, you wouldn’t have known they were there unless you were putting your bins out.

Point being? That it's okay to do whatever you want with other people's property as long as you don't damage it and don't get caught? Cleaner borrows my dress and puts it back nice and clean before I notice? No problem, right? Nevermind she didn't ask.

@MrsABC123

I've obviously wound you all up which is not my intention but please, please explain what is the harm? Just that.

No comments about childrearing, just what is the harm in a very young child walking on someone's driveway? Why would you object? Other than "it's mine and I can do what I like with it."

I don't think it has to cause harm to be rude or disrespectful. You probably don't know if a stranger is happy to let randoms wander about or play in their garden so it is respectful not to enter their property. Would you take a chip off someone's plate in a restaurant (remember those things)? It belongs to them but wouldn't really do much harm would it, i mean 1 chip they would hardly starve?

I think teaching boundaries and to respect others and their properties is important and children do need to learn that they cannot do whatever they please all the time, imo it won't do them any harm in the long run to be told no once in a while.

Yabu as you state it was a toddler. Toddlers love sensory things and who was it harming to feel the shingles in his hands for a few seconds?

@Tsubasa1

Yabu as you state it was a toddler. Toddlers love sensory things and who was it harming to feel the shingles in his hands for a few seconds?

It was a toddler with a capable (we assume) parent 15m up op’s drive. It’s not like the toddler was on the street picking up stones.

I much prefer to teach my daughter boundaries and respect, and that not everyone likes what we do. Clearly those aren’t important things in your life

@Ostryga i was just giving my opinion but thanks

@MrsABC123

• Harm could be to your child such as poisonous plants, cat droppings, tools etc which havent been cleared away because the drive was private
• Harm could be to the householder's peaceful enjoyment of their home (which includes the driveway) - your happy little walks through somebody else's property indicates to others that this is okay. What age of child is too old? How many people in a group does the householder have to tolerate? How far up the drive is okay?
• Harm to the garden - damage to tender plants

@FOJN

Other than "it's mine and I can do what I like with it."

Exactly that. Demanding to know what harm it does is simply a way of saying you will only respect other peoples boundaries if they make sense to you, arrogant and entitled. No one needs to satisfy you with an explanation about why they don't want you on their property.

^ precisely this

It's funny that we encourage children to share whereas as adults we have such entrenched notions of private property . It's really poor preparation for later life.

I would have let him play and maybe had a nice little chat.

@MrsABC123

I've obviously wound you all up which is not my intention but please, please explain what is the harm? Just that.

No comments about childrearing, just what is the harm in a very young child walking on someone's driveway? Why would you object? Other than "it's mine and I can do what I like with it."

The harm is in your thinking.

You see no problem with it and allow your child onto someone else's private property.

By doing that, you are making two assumptions:

1: The owner does not object to trespassers
2: You can do whatever the fuck you like because you have a child

That's CFery.

Massive YANBU. We have a woman in our street who thinks its absolutely fine for her toddler (or maybe slightly older) to go wherever he pleases. I've found him riding his little bike thing up and down our driveway right next to my car, almost fallen over him as I've come out of my front door (which is c 8ft back from the pavement) and my other neighbour has found him in her flowerbed staring into her front room. Mother looking on indulgently. Last time I pointed out that its private property and not somewhere for him to play she gave me a filthy look and said oh he was looking for a cat. Not their cat, not even my cat, just some random cat he'd taken a fancy to. Annoys the shit out of me. Kids need to be taught boundaries (literally in this case) otherwise they grow into entitled little shits who think they can do whatever they like.

@MessAllOver

It's funny that we encourage children to share whereas as adults we have such entrenched notions of private property . It's really poor preparation for later life.

Will you share your husband? Your home? Your bank account?

@MessAllOver AAHHHH I totally read that wrong - I’m sorry!!!

YANBU - The sheer CF'ery would put me off. I hate entitled people with a passion.
Also because these are the very same people who'd try to pin it on you if their precious darling falls or hurts themselves on your property.
Best to keep them off it.
By the way I wouldn't mind children coming in to retrieve a ball that had bounced over or similar w/o asking.. they are just kids... but an adult delibrately coming in that far onto my property would piss me off. As the message is their child is the center of the universe

@Ostryga. No worries . I'm just bemused because round us it's considered poor form for children not to share nicely. My 3yo is a pro at sharing... he'll happily let strange children he's never met borrow his bike or scooter in the park or kick his ball with him. It's so sweet!

But, as for me, nah! No way I'm letting anyone near my phone or my picnic rug. Any strangers rocking up in my garden would find themselves hosed down. And as for stray toddlers messing with my shingle(s)...