WIBU in making this child cry?!

[ILoveFlumps]

We have a new build house, which has shingles on the front garden next to the driveway.
I went out of my front door to put some rubbish in the bin and find a man with his toddler son playing on the shingles. I was a bit confused and politely said “excuse me, would you mind not doing that on my front garden?”. The man then replied “he’s just a child who is playing”. I replied “but it’s my property”
He then picked up his child who then started crying and as he was walking away he said to me “are you happy now, you made him cry?”
I’m a bit taken aback! Was I wrong to tell them to stop playing in my front garden?!

This reminds me of something that happened to my friend who is a childminder. One of her mindees was from a home edding family who were using their free childcare hours for their toddler to go to her for a couple of mornings a week while they did activities with their older one. One day they’d been on a meet up with a couple of other home edding families and all turned up en masse to collect the toddler at lunch time and go for a picnic in the park over the road from dfriend’s house. So far, so fine right? Until the dad asked to use my friend’s toilet (she only has one, it’s upstairs) and several of the other children/parents all decided they needed the toilet too. So she had all these people tramping through her house in their muddy ‘forest nursery’ get up, but eventually they all left. Or did they? My friend, being a CM, has lots of little child sized tables and chairs in her back yard, and as she started on lunch for her other mindees, she noticed the home ed gang had all sat down and decided to have their picnic in her back garden.

She’s a bit of a pushover my friend, a far nicer person than me, and obviously one family was one of her paying customers, so she sighed and eyerolled to herself and hoped they’d fuck off by the time her mindees had finished lunch and were ready to go out and play. As she was sat at the table supervising lunch, she heard the back door go, and kitchen drawers opening and closing, she went through and there was a little girl of about 6 or 7 from one of the other families rooting through her kitchen drawers. When she went err hello, the little girl said ‘we’re having cake and we need a knife to cut it so i’ve come in to get one’. My friend was, as you can imagine, immensely taken aback by this, so she said ‘well i can lend you a knife but you have to ask me first, and I don’t keep my knives where children can reach them’, to which LG started interrogating her as to why she had this policy. Anyway, a knife was lent, and she heard the parents chuckling indulgently at the resourcefulness! as LG went back out into the garden. Eventually they all fucked off, an hour after they’d arrived to collect their dc. I have the happy good fortune to be next door neighbours with one of the families in question, so little about this tale surprised me, and me and my friend still piss ourselves about it to this day.

And btw this was a bunch of middleclass professionals in sensible fleeces, not a hoop earring or animal print in sight (as per a pp). Entitlement has many faces.

Yadnbu, some people gain a huge sense of entitlement when they have a child. It's annoying, the whole world does not revolve around your kids. My DS would love to play on people's drive ways but I don't let him because it's ridiculous to let a child do what he wants to another persons property.

Last summer I had a beautiful dahlia in my front garden, it was gorgeous and had one flower that was almost as big as my head, it disappeared. I'm not pointing fingers but I had my window open on the day of the disappearance and heard a woman say "go on be quick then". It may have been innocent but I'm pretty certain she told her kid to go pick my dahlia

I ordinarily wouldn't have noticed but I used to admire it every time I left the house. It will be re planted in the back garden this year.

@NotFabulousDarling

You've probably not made any friends in your new-build today, so if you were hoping to become part of the community then you've probably blown it at least with that family and anyone else they know, or anyone else with kids. Personally, I think it depends what you want out of the place you live. If you want to live in a place that's protectionist, individualistic and "little Britain" then you've done the right thing and should probably install CCTV and keep a log to be sure. If you wanted to live somewhere where all the children play together and where the adults pop round for a cup of sugar, and sometimes the kids wander over your lawn, then YABU. But I'm sure your shingles will look prettier than everyone else's when you come to sell. Life is what you make it. But don't expect that family to help you when you need it.

I hate literally everything about this post.

YANBU.
And his response would convince me further that YANBU.

I asked a git one day to move his kid off my drive. It's slightly sloped and she was scooting down along it, onto the road, while git stood by on his mobile.

Once off, as they passed by, no worries, treating it like it is their playground, nah.

I spend a lot of time and money on my garden including the front garden.
Every year I lose most of my spring flowers to entitled parents who’s never told no child picks the heads off. If I see them and ask them to stop their child then I get the stink eye and but he/she is only a child and they only want one as they are so pretty. Yes they are pretty but if every child who wants one is allowed to pull a head off then there are none left for the rest of us to enjoy.
And I won’t even mention the handfuls of Stachys I lose every year because they are furry and their little darling just wants a few leafs to stroke.

YABU. I'd have given them my house to live in - after all, lockdown has been so tough on parents of toddlers.

For everyone saying that letting people do something as a one off does no harm - my next door neighbour asked if he could park in my space when he moved in. There was a moving van in his space, so I assumed that's why he wanted to borrow mine. Guess whose car is there day after day after day (I don't have a car, so don't really feel up to the hassle of arguing over it - but STILL. This will be this toddler in 20 years if dad doesn't buck up. )

@Isit2021yetplease

Was it really necessary? There isn't a whole lot for parents to do to entertain their kids right now - a few minutes looking at shingles on your front drive might have given him a few minutes peace! Yes technically they shouldn't have been doing it but a bit of compassion or ability to see the bigger picture might have been nice. What a grump you are.

Seriously?? You can’t be for real.

@Vallmo47

I’d let that go personally, unless the child was causing damage to my car or throwing them around all over the place. I understand it’s a bit annoying to have to put it all back in the right place afterwards, but if it was my child doing it I’d definitely take that responsibility at the end. Maybe this man would have too. I agree with poster who said you’re technically correct and it being the worst kind of correct. It’s not the end of the world, given the current situation as well.

What about the man’s behaviour as described made you think he’d put right any mess or damage? Was it when, instead of just apologising for bothering the OP and telling his child it was time to go, he got stroppy and said ‘It’s just a child playing’? Or was it when he accused the OP of making the child cry?

To those that think it's okay for this man and his toddler to have walked 15 metres down the OPs drive in order to sit and play in her garden, would you have been okay if it was a man on his own? Why does having a child suddenly make unacceptable behaviour okay?

@Serin

Aww, he was only a toddler. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest and I'd try to strike up friendly conversation with the Dad. He is going to be your neighbour after all.

I don’t get why there are so many posts like this. What about the man’s conduct makes you think he was the type who’d engage in a friendly chat? If he was that friendly, he’d have said ‘Sorry, he tends to wander a bit - we’ll know next time’. Instead he started shouting the odds about how the OP made his son cry. Sounds really friendly../

It seems as women, we are expected to put ourselves out for everybody else.

I used to be airline cabin crew and parents occasionally wanted me to share my own food with their children “because they’re hungry” and I would sometimes be accosted by parents with kids on my train commute to the airport and expected to entertain their kids like some sort of nanny? All because I was in uniform. People are weird. And entitled.

I’d let that go personally, unless the child was causing damage to my car or throwing them around all over the place
By the time they've done the damage its too late to stop them*

I would not let any child of mine play with the shingles on somebody's property I would be well aware the owner may not like it.

I say well done OP. Parents not teaching their children to respect other people's property, or communal property, is a particularly modern issue. I assume it's linked to our increasingly individualistic society. I have an issue with a group of kids damaging plants and trees and screaming in a communal area of the development I live in. None of them are 'bad kids' but they have clearly never been taught that the entire world is not theirs to do what they want with.

Yanbu op. I had a woman open my front gate and let her a child come into my front garden to stroke my cat. I just watched in amazement from the window.

You were unreasonable not to throw a shingle at the father for being a rude trespassing arsehole. I’m kidding...well, half kidding.

Although I don't think you were unreasonable at all, I do think there's something in the message of the poster who said, "these people are your neighbours" and that you never get the chance to make another first impression. (The dad was BU, of course.). We moved into a newbuild on a building site, and one quiet Sunday I saw a man taking some building materials left by the builders, and challenged him. Turned out he did have permission to do something to his house, and he lived nearby. He didn't speak to me again, ever, in nine years. But OTOH, he should have realised I was only reacting to what looked like theft.

You sound a bit miserable to be honest. The child was only a toddler.

Of course you are within your “right” in asking the father to stop his toddler having a few minutes with your shingles. But it’s a shame that was your priority in this situation.

Were they on your driveway or in your garden and close up to your house?

If this was the first instance I would have started with a friendly chat. Had the toddler playing with your stones become a recurring nuisance then having a gentle chat about privacy and safety would be reasonable.

"these people are your neighbours" and that you never get the chance to make another first impression.

Neither will the father and he didn't seem that bothered about leaving the OP with the impression he was a rude, entitled arsehole.

Is there a reason the OP should care about making a good impression with someone like that?

I dread to think what ‘delights’ some of the DC of the posters commenting on this thread are! 😳 Who in their right mind thinks it’s ok for their kids to run around other people’s property? 🙄 Kids need boundaries and learning you can’t get everything you want in life from a young age is an essential life skill.
OP - Of course you weren’t BU, ignore anyone who says you are!

My dog can play in some of front gardens/drives then? As long as he didn’t wee he’d cause no harm so all good?

Do people really strike up a conversation with trespassers on their property? Because I'm fucked if I would. They'd be told to get off and threatened with the police if they refused.

I don't think anyone would blame a young child for wanting to explore, but the parent should know better and correct their child. It is not appropriate to allow a child to just roam freely where they want.

And yes, I'm a fully paid up member of the "it's my property, I can't choose who goes on it, fuck off" club.

I can choose duh

@SillyLittleBiscuit

My dog can play in some of front gardens/drives then? As long as he didn’t wee he’d cause no harm so all good?

Actually i am fine with a dog if i can get a cuddle😂

I have gravel and a toddler. I’d be annoyed if I found anyone randomly on my drive and garden sat down playing. Equally I understand toddlers are annoying. Mine loves to muck around with our gravel. It takes v close supervision to make sure she’s not eating it, throwing it or generally being a pain in the arse. I would never let her do it on anyone else’s property and I certainly would not let her wander 15m into someone’s garden. It suggests the Dad was too lazy to parent properly, entitled or both. to be frank.