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AIBU?

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Original poster

WIBU in making this child cry?!

333 replies

ILoveFlumps · 03/03/2021 14:08

We have a new build house, which has shingles on the front garden next to the driveway.
I went out of my front door to put some rubbish in the bin and find a man with his toddler son playing on the shingles. I was a bit confused and politely said “excuse me, would you mind not doing that on my front garden?”. The man then replied “he’s just a child who is playing”. I replied “but it’s my property”
He then picked up his child who then started crying and as he was walking away he said to me “are you happy now, you made him cry?”
I’m a bit taken aback! Was I wrong to tell them to stop playing in my front garden?!

OP posts:
normalnormas · 03/03/2021 18:00

@ BlissLi
I have no fucking idea what a shingle is and this thread has only made me more confused

Have you never seen a shingle beach?

badacorn · 03/03/2021 18:05

@Orphlids

It wouldn’t bother me if a little kid, supervised by a parent, played quietly on my driveway for a few minutes. I’d be rather pleased to see it, actually. I’d take the opportunity to go out for a little chat and get to know them, as they’re most likely local. Perhaps I’m unusual in that I am generally an optimistic type of person, who finds joy in little things like that. But it’s good you reacted as you did, because the word will soon get round that you’re best avoided. Are you a fan of the work of Oscar Wilde?
it wouldn't bother me either but it's nasty to spread word around that someone is to be avoided just because of a single reaction like this. Sounds like OP was just surprised to be honest.
Redruby2020 · 03/03/2021 18:05

@dontdisturbmenow

Oh please, another one raising his kids to believe he us the centre of the world that entitles him to do as he likes.
Exactly!
Redruby2020 · 03/03/2021 18:06

No, you should have said 'no you made him cry actually by letting him play on something that he wasn't allowed to'

BoJoHoNo · 03/03/2021 18:09

I'm not sure why you'd encourage your child to play on someone else's driveway, it seems like the Dad is making a rod for his own back. Surely it's up there with teaching a toddler not run off into the road. You don't know what potential dangers may be in someone else's garden, unfriendly dogs, toxic plants, ponds, etc.

OnlyheretovoteonAIBU · 03/03/2021 18:09

The number of people on here who think children should be able to treat other people’s property as a toy is astonishing. No wonder so many kids these days have no respect or boundaries.

crystalcherry87 · 03/03/2021 18:12

Nah she was laughing and joking on the phone to someone. She seemed alright.

GnomeDePlume · 03/03/2021 18:12

We used to have the problem of neighbour children running all over people's front gardens and drives, even into garages. It took a few goes of shouting at them to get them to recognise that there were places they couldnt go.

crystalcherry87 · 03/03/2021 18:12

@crystalcherry87

Nah she was laughing and joking on the phone to someone. She seemed alright.
That was to Rooty toot
MrsABC123 · 03/03/2021 18:17

People equating a child playing with a bit of gravel (is this what shingle is?!) with people turning up with deckchairs or digging up a garden are surely missing the point. These things are totally unacceptable but, as the minority have pointed out here, just messing with stones - which you wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't seen them - is not comparable.

15m into a driveway is weird but I let me 16 month old toddler potter into and out of open driveways because she's not doing any harm. I am not bringing her up to be a spoilt brat or not to respect private property, I just don't see the harm. If someone asked me to get off their land then of course I'd respect it but I'd also privately think they were a bit uptight and a bit of a dick.

ViciousJackdaw · 03/03/2021 18:22

I let me 16 month old toddler potter into and out of open driveways because she's not doing any harm. I am not bringing her up to be a spoilt brat or not to respect private property, I just don't see the harm

The thing is, some people DO see the harm. You don't get to dictate how they think.

Ileflottante · 03/03/2021 18:24

@MrsABC123

People equating a child playing with a bit of gravel (is this what shingle is?!) with people turning up with deckchairs or digging up a garden are surely missing the point. These things are totally unacceptable but, as the minority have pointed out here, just messing with stones - which you wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't seen them - is not comparable.

15m into a driveway is weird but I let me 16 month old toddler potter into and out of open driveways because she's not doing any harm. I am not bringing her up to be a spoilt brat or not to respect private property, I just don't see the harm. If someone asked me to get off their land then of course I'd respect it but I'd also privately think they were a bit uptight and a bit of a dick.

FFS.
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 03/03/2021 18:26

OP the man clearly was having a hard day, pretty U not to offer to babysit for a few hours, afterall it has been hard to entertain kids in LD Hmm

Seriously though while a kid playing in my garden would really not bother me in the slightest a grown man sitting playing in the middle (or 15m in?!) I do find a bit weird. Lots of people saying wandered in for a couple of minutes but that isn't what it sounds like from OP? Surely most parent's reaction to their kids wandering into a garden would be 'that is someone else's garden'. Rather 'oh cool stones let's have a game.'

His reaction was utterly ridiculous.

FOJN · 03/03/2021 18:27

I am not bringing her up to be a spoilt brat or not to respect private property, I just don't see the harm.

The message is that other people's literal or figurative boundaries can be ignored if in your assessment there is no harm done, that is not how boundaries or the respecting of them works. No one owes anyone an explanation for why they do not want random people in their garden no matter how harmless they might seem.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 03/03/2021 18:29

Are all of you letting kids onto another's property hoping tgere will be an uncovered hole or something or a propper wobbly step so you can sue them after? And make some buck?Hmm I can't imagine why else would people think it's ok to just walk onto someone else garden or front garden...

Hm2020 · 03/03/2021 18:33

So intolerant to small children in the country! He wasn’t throwing them at cars op says he was just playing with them for a parenting website people on this site have no tolerance for children. I’m glad you feel good for making a small child cry well done op Smile

Summersun2020 · 03/03/2021 18:36

For everyone who’s baffled and confused and pretending they thing the OP means shingles the rash Hmm

lmgtfy.app/?q=pea+shingle

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 03/03/2021 18:38

@Hm2020

So intolerant to small children in the country! He wasn’t throwing them at cars op says he was just playing with them for a parenting website people on this site have no tolerance for children. I’m glad you feel good for making a small child cry well done op Smile
I think people are mostly being intolerant to a parent who doesn't feel the need to respect other's boundaries. Many posters, myself included, have said the child's behaviour would not bother them. It really isn't the job of the OP to keep his child happy so him blaming her for his child crying is kind of embarrassing.
SchrodingersImmigrant · 03/03/2021 18:38

@Hm2020

So intolerant to small children in the country! He wasn’t throwing them at cars op says he was just playing with them for a parenting website people on this site have no tolerance for children. I’m glad you feel good for making a small child cry well done op Smile
Sorry but that's not a UK thing. I am not form UK and as children we would not go onto a property without an invite... It's called respect and good manners. If we did just bugger of onto someone's property we would get right telling off.
justcannotwithyou · 03/03/2021 18:39

People are insane. Of course you weren't unreasonable, and you weren't the reason he cried either. His dad was.

They had gone 15 m onto the OPs property. That's 45+ toddler steps. For me it would be about 30 as I'm a short arse. Is it okay for me to go 30 steps on your property and then sit down? Or is it only fine if I bring the baby?

And to the person who said they let their kid go onto people's drives as it does no harm; that isn't up to you to decide in relation to someone else's property. It's theirs, so stay off it unless they say otherwise.

Bloodypunkrockers · 03/03/2021 18:42

@MrsABC123

People equating a child playing with a bit of gravel (is this what shingle is?!) with people turning up with deckchairs or digging up a garden are surely missing the point. These things are totally unacceptable but, as the minority have pointed out here, just messing with stones - which you wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't seen them - is not comparable.

15m into a driveway is weird but I let me 16 month old toddler potter into and out of open driveways because she's not doing any harm. I am not bringing her up to be a spoilt brat or not to respect private property, I just don't see the harm. If someone asked me to get off their land then of course I'd respect it but I'd also privately think they were a bit uptight and a bit of a dick.

Wow. You sound awful. Stop press. You (and some other loons on this thread) might think your toddler is the centre of the universe but guarantee no one else does
FOJN · 03/03/2021 18:42

So intolerant to small children in the country!

It's nothing to do with the child and everything to do with entitled adult accompanying them.

I’m glad you feel good for making a small child cry well done op

Well done for being so manipulative, time to grow up.

GabsAlot · 03/03/2021 18:46

@MrsABC123

People equating a child playing with a bit of gravel (is this what shingle is?!) with people turning up with deckchairs or digging up a garden are surely missing the point. These things are totally unacceptable but, as the minority have pointed out here, just messing with stones - which you wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't seen them - is not comparable.

15m into a driveway is weird but I let me 16 month old toddler potter into and out of open driveways because she's not doing any harm. I am not bringing her up to be a spoilt brat or not to respect private property, I just don't see the harm. If someone asked me to get off their land then of course I'd respect it but I'd also privately think they were a bit uptight and a bit of a dick.

Not up to you to decide-its private property

and yes you are teaching them they can do what they like

FOJN · 03/03/2021 18:50

If someone asked me to get off their land then of course I'd respect it but I'd also privately think they were a bit uptight and a bit of a dick.

That's compliance not respect. Respect would be not trespassing in the first place or apologising after the fact.

WhereverIlaymyhat2021 · 03/03/2021 18:56

We have similar in our garden - mine get short shrift for messing with them....there’s no way a strangers kids wouldn’t as well.

So many entitled arseholes - the Dad not the child.

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