I'm really frustrated and have no one to offload or seek advice from.....I'll try not to waffle.
My DM is selling her house and relocating to my city. I've dealt with her house sale and as it's a private sale, I've also done the role of the estate agents, dealing with the buyers etc, as well as handling all the legal side of things. During this time I suffered a second trimester loss of our first child after many years of struggling to conceive. The sale has dragged on and I've followed it through to what will be completion very soon. Also arranged removals, storage etc.
At the same time I've been on endless property viewings in the last 5months to find her a home here. Had found one, but structural survey came back with major issues and we had to pull out. Waste of time and money. Was back on the hunt come January and last month found a property that was well below budget but needs work doing. DM is notoriously fussy and uncompromising with her expectations- not willing to downsize, wants a downstairs WC/shower room, wants a garage, a big kitchen etc. It's been really difficult in her budget.
DH has been amazingly helpful despite a very full on work schedule and has really given his all. He offered to manage the project whilst DM lives with us (as her house will have sold). DM was reassured and seemingly happy with this. Also, she almost expected to stay with us as if that should be a given, even though I offered to find her a rental. Anyway, she was shown the house online and street view because of lockdown etc. She agreed that with the renovation project she'll at least get all the things she wants in a house. So for last 6 weeks I've been engaged with solicitors, estate agent, builders and painters sorting things out with this purchase.
In the midst of all of this Ive been dealing with my own grief and was at the point of contemplating adoption and by some miracle I happen to find out I'm pregnant. It's been really tough managing my anxiety with this pregnancy but thankfully things are moving in the right direction. I've just hit my second trimester.
In the last few days I find that she's driven by the house with my DSis and had a look from the outside. She has now decided she doesn't like the look of the house and said the street was narrow and the area is "dirty". She doesn't know the area at all. I don't agree with any of her comments.
AIBU in simply backing off and not being involved in anything further to do with her house buy?
I feel belittled, my judgement undermined, and our time and effort unvalued. Now she'll be moving out in a few weeks with nowhere to buy and living at ours for ? amount of time. I'm feel let down and just simply used. We don't have the best of relationships as it is, it's taken a lot of maturity from me to let things go as she's my "mother" but it's getting harder and harder to convince myself of this.
Sorry about the long post.