To think that ‘Be Kind’ has become a toxic way to shut people up?

[Anon778833]

It now means,

‘Don’t challenge anything that is unfair’
‘Don’t make waves’
‘Don’t make anyone feel uncomfortable’
‘Your feelings are irrelevant’

Particularly when it’s aimed at women. Whatever it was originally supposed to mean, it doesn’t tend to mean that any more.

100%

I hate that if you call someone out for being a dick, all you get in response is ‘be kind’

YANBU.

See also the use of "Karen" as a means to insult women, particularly women of a certain age, and is another way of telling women to sit down and shut up lest they be deemed a "Karen".

I’m not sure if your examples but yeah I think it’s crap. It’d be better to say “don’t Britney her” when talking about destroying female personalities whilst other comparably aged famous men drive their minis pissed into things and are still lauded on prime time tv

Yup. How ‘kind’ were the suffragettes? Women attempting to achieve, or to maintain, equality have always had to disturb in order to do so.

Indeed, @SackofTurtles

Patronising and said to keep women in their place

"Be kind" is just another way of silencing women.

And it's one of those extra-sneaky ways of getting women to police other women's behaviour.

(My sixth form were discussing this today during their lesson on dystopian literature - internalised misogyny).

My daughter said ‘what’s wrong with telling us to be kind? ‘
I said ‘well they’re not telling the boys to be kind are they?’

It has always been used to keep women and girls down. It’s been going on for ever but it is particularly bad at the moment.

YANBU and it's pretty low of people to use a young woman's death to close down a conversation they don't want to hear/read.

I think some people conflate ‘be kind’ as being above any sort of criticism. But the fact is if someone behaves poorly then their actions have consequences and can be harmful. It’s not bullying or lack of kindness in addressing that.

Yes @WorraLiberty! Absolutely right.

YANBU

'Be kind to those that are kind to you' would be better.

I think that the whole 'Be Kind' thing was originally about bullying in schools, it was started by a Mum after her son committed suicide at the age of 17 in 2016 after being bullied online for years.

www.itv.com/thismorning/articles/launch-of-be-kind-campaign

‘well they’re not telling the boys to be kind are they?’
I tell boys to be kind every single damned day.

Be kind tends to be said by those who are anything but that.

You can't just shout "Be kind" at people without any context.

"be kind" has become an excuse of arseholes behaving badly.

@dayswithaY

Be kind tends to be said by those who are anything but that.

You can't just shout "Be kind" at people without any context.

Couldn't agree more.

It always has been since Caroline Flack last year. It's a way of shutting down a person's viewpoint, or trying to control how they put that point across. Part of the wider idea that no one should ever feel offended or that their viewpoints aren't correct, ever.

FWIW, I've said it said to Men and Women, although it is more prominently said by women and more often used in spaces that are predominantly female, or the ultra Liberal side of twitter.

I did find it quite amusing that some of the websites that were pushing #BeKind the most after Caroline Flacks suicide, were the ones ripping into her the most in the days and weeks leading up to it.

The hashtag, social meeja version of 'Be Kind' - YANBU.

On the other hand, it's something that I've told my (m&f) children on a fairly regular basis for years. The authentic version covers a lot of valuable bases.

Indeed.

YANBU.

And it's always used to shut women up if we dare to express anything other than a nicey-nice know your place type opinion.

The worst is "What happened to #bekind?"

Well, I don't know - I didn't sign anything. What did happen to it?

I feel a better guide is;

"Never say or do anything unless you can answer yes to at least two of the following;
Is it kind?
Is it true?
Is it necessary?"

Because of this when I hear "be kind" I hear "don't be deliberately unkind" so still feel I can say what I like. I will say things others might find unkind, but only if it is both true and necessary.

It annoys me. It's used in relation to suicide a lot.

My partner took his own life and I wonder if people think I wasn't kind to him.

Then I wonder if I wasn't kind enough. But by being kinder I would have had to turn a blind eye to frankly disgraceful behaviour. It wouldn't have helped him and it certainly would have harmed me.

But I agree - you should be kind, in general. You should not give anyone a free pass to do or say wtf they like.