To think that ‘Be Kind’ has become a toxic way to shut people up?

[Anon778833]

It now means,

‘Don’t challenge anything that is unfair’
‘Don’t make waves’
‘Don’t make anyone feel uncomfortable’
‘Your feelings are irrelevant’

Particularly when it’s aimed at women. Whatever it was originally supposed to mean, it doesn’t tend to mean that any more.

I think Be Kind does have a place in schools re bullying, but I don't know how it went from that to ladies jumpers with 'In a world where you can be anything be kind' on.

It's a terrible message, "be kind" or it will be your fault someone else it upset, it's very co-dependent and is open to all sorts of abuse. No one is obliged to be kind to anyone else. I'm happy enough if people just don't behave like arseholes.

@FoxyTheFox

YANBU.

See also the use of "Karen" as a means to insult women, particularly women of a certain age, and is another way of telling women to sit down and shut up lest they be deemed a "Karen".

Came on to say exactly that Foxy

I think the nadir came when so-called influencers started trotting it out to deflect any criticism of their trips to Dubai during lockdown. ‘#bekind’ had become ‘#beyondcriticism’.

#bekind was avidly shared on social media by the virtue signallers and then became the shield for throwing off any alternative view or criticism by “trolls” (those voicing an opinion). It’s the same people who cut and paste things about mental health “I’m always there for you” whilst gossiping about someone clearly struggling - it’s all so easy isn’t it? A quick hashtag, a share, a platitude copied and pasted. Job done. Now let’s get back to the day to day business of being a total cunt.

The whole 'be kind' thing ties in well with the utter hypocrisy of those people who are constantly posting bollocks about 'surrounding yourself with positive people' then the next day paying lip service to mental health and saying if someone is depressed their door is always open.

Well make your mind up

Any criticism of our local MP sees his (paid) activists flooding the residents FB group to ask "whatever happened to #bekind?" as if it is somehow unkind to ask a politician reasonably worded questions such as "why did you invite the PM to travel over 200 miles to our region for nonessential purposes during a pandemic?"

Around here "be kind" is trotted out as a banner on various profile pictures or status updates by people who think nothing of being an utter cunt to others as long as it doesn't directly affect them or theirs. It's now trite and meaningless.

@ConfusedBear

I feel a better guide is;

"Never say or do anything unless you can answer yes to at least two of the following;
Is it kind?
Is it true?
Is it necessary?"

Because of this when I hear "be kind" I hear "don't be deliberately unkind" so still feel I can say what I like. I will say things others might find unkind, but only if it is both true and necessary.

The trouble with this is women are told that they must accept something which is not true by being kind. No we won’t do it.

It's always narcissistic, egotistical arseholes that bang on about being kind even though they're not kind themselves.

A perfect example of this on MN that you see all the time. Someone opens a popular and hotly debated thread with 40 pages, reads all of them, then says that OP is goady, or how vile other poster are.
Right, so you had your fun reading the thread, and now want to tell people that they are horrible and you are oh so kind and virtuous. It’s so fake and pathetic.

YANBU.

Full twat marks for anyone who prefaces it with the breathtakingly ignorant ‘In a world where you can be anything’.

Well you might feel that way mate but don’t assume everyone is as privileged.

@DaiquirisinDorset

The hashtag, social meeja version of 'Be Kind' - YANBU.

On the other hand, it's something that I've told my (m&f) children on a fairly regular basis for years. The authentic version covers a lot of valuable bases.

Yes

@Dalyesque Can you give an example of what you mean by "women are told that they must accept something which is not true by being kind"?

I'm not sure I've explained clearly how I apply this maxim as for me this wouldn't be the case. Two of kind/true/necessary cuts out a lot of unkind behaviour like for example gossiping, but wouldn't stop me seeking advice or passing on information I felt needed to be shared. It acts as a check saying that you don't need to be kind at all costs and sometimes it's ok not to be.

I see it said to both men and women. I don't see it as having a more pointed meaning when said to women.

And I think the is it kind, true or necessary is the real yardstick. I see so much bile on here and honestly have no clue what people actually get out of being so horrid.

I've seen it said by some pretty horrible people, that's for sure.

It's completely empty virtue signalling, designed to shut down those calling out arseholes or challenging things like misogyny. Usually used by those seemingly devoid of critical thinking skills.

It annoys the fuck out of me.

confusedbear you know exactly what I m talking about. But I am not going to rise to the bait to be told I must fo to another board, or indeed “ be kind” I will be kind when I choose, not under instruction.

@Bourbonic

I see it said to both men and women. I don't see it as having a more pointed meaning when said to women.

And I think the is it kind, true or necessary is the real yardstick. I see so much bile on here and honestly have no clue what people actually get out of being so horrid.

I don't think I've ever seen 'Be Kind' addressed to an all-male or male-dominated group. Slogans about things in a roughly similar vein addressed to men, boys or traditionally male groups tend to specifically focus on not doing a specific bad thing, like 'Kick Racism Out of Football' 'Stomp Out Bullying', or making not doing the bad thing sound macho and maverick eg 'Bullying Stops With Me' etc.

Not heard it in rl, but be kind seems to be said by hypocrites from what I can make out.

@lightand

Not heard it in rl, but be kind seems to be said by hypocrites from what I can make out.

This.

My DH's sister has treated us like absolute shit over a situation that she has got the wrong end of the stick over. She is deaf to hearing the truth and we are NC with her as a result. Her FB is plastered all over with 'Be kind' shit and it's a fucking joke.

Just have your own internal set of rules and boundaries and ignore all the trope, tripe and slogans is the best way.

Yes. See also, 'women should empower each other and lift each other up' used whenever any criticism is launched at female influencers/celebs/MLMers/any woman for quite valid reasons.

'They're just jealous hun, so judgemental'. Or that shite about 'fixing each others crowns'. Blugh.

Just because women are more likely to say "be kind" doesn't mean it is designed to keep women down. It's just that men use different terminology, "be kind" is the female equivalent of "don't be a cunt".

I've always said it's empty rhetoric. It means absolutely nothing, especially when shouted at adults like they're a 6 year old who's just pulled their mate's pigtails on the playground .

It absolutely is now used by (usually quite vile in personality) people as a way to shut down a conversation or opinion they don't like. Same people who use 'be kind' can also be seen calling people 'karen/gammon' without an ounce of irony. Same people simple do not have the intelligence for a real debate that requires more than barging into conversations with their limited views.