To think that ‘Be Kind’ has become a toxic way to shut people up?

[Anon778833]

It now means,

‘Don’t challenge anything that is unfair’
‘Don’t make waves’
‘Don’t make anyone feel uncomfortable’
‘Your feelings are irrelevant’

Particularly when it’s aimed at women. Whatever it was originally supposed to mean, it doesn’t tend to mean that any more.

@TakeTheCuntOutOfScunthorpe

Just because women are more likely to say "be kind" doesn't mean it is designed to keep women down. It's just that men use different terminology, "be kind" is the female equivalent of "don't be a cunt".

I don't think the point is that women are more likely to say it (I mean, I don't know whether that's true), but that it's more likely to be aimed at women, and that no one is advocating a blanket 'be nice' approach to men, they're telling them not to bully, be racist, rather than some kind of woolly generalism. Men are responsible for the vast majority of violent crime, for instance, but no one is tackling that with 'Be kind'.

Jameela Jamil tweets a lot about being kind although generally she means that women should be happy to give up their rights to single sex spaces (to be kind).

This mornings effort was accompanied by a rather violent gif implying that if we don’t agree and just ‘budge up’ we should be beaten up

@gardenbird48

Jameela Jamil tweets a lot about being kind although generally she means that women should be happy to give up their rights to single sex spaces (to be kind).

This mornings effort was accompanied by a rather violent gif implying that if we don’t agree and just ‘budge up’ we should be beaten up

That woman is thicker than two short planks. She's very much the teen movie trope of 'popular girl who surrounds herself with less pretty/popular types to be queen'. One day her very young followers will start to grow up and realise how empty and vain most of her content is.

I sort of think you are being a bit unreasonable. I think “be kind” primarily means “don’t be an asshole online”, eg trolling, bullying, unpleasant personal comments, death threats etc. I am really really ok with that (but get that it can be used to silence legitimate criticism as well). But no one would put “don’t be an asshole online” on a t shirt though would they?

I think as an overall approach its good. You can be kind while doing something difficult like rejecting somone for a job. But I agree in that I don't think it's used like this all of the time. It's often used in a way to say if you've got nothing nice to say don't say anything.

But actually I think saying the difficult or not nice stuff is quite important to hold people to account or dicuss issues.

Also yes definitely a woman thing. Women are expected to be kind and save people's feelings a lot.

@Comtesse

I sort of think you are being a bit unreasonable. I think “be kind” primarily means “don’t be an asshole online”, eg trolling, bullying, unpleasant personal comments, death threats etc. I am really really ok with that (but get that it can be used to silence legitimate criticism as well). But no one would put “don’t be an asshole online” on a t shirt though would they?

It’s usually used in response to someone who calls out a-hole behaviour though, that’s the thing.

I think the word resilient is easily as bad ☹️. I feel it has become a way to blame someone for not dealing with being the victim of bullying or being lied to or gaslighted ( especially in the workplace or School environment).

I had a good ole vent to a clothing company who used a rather dubious insta SM influencer for their clothing. Sending her lots of freebies so she would
Post bout them. They got quite a lot of criticism about using her and of course they and their acolytes trotted out the “bekind” crud.

I was so cross, because the company who bang on and on about their “right on” credentials throw it all away for some marketing likes.

We should still be able to hold people to account, screw “bekind”!!

ugh yes, can't stand it. It's a typically 21st century thought-police sound-bite used to shut down discourse while forcibly occupying some imaginary moral high ground.

And yes, also "Karen". Facile, unfunny, played-out reused misogynistic rubbish that has all the usual brainless donkeys braying in chorus at the hilarious "originality" and wit.

I also always imagine "be kind" bleated in a snivelling whine. So infantile.

@WorraLiberty

YANBU and it's pretty low of people to use a young woman's death to close down a conversation they don't want to hear/read.

Absolutely.

Yes I think in old money it was couched either in ideas of being ladylike or being the supportive home figure in working class cultures.

That should read "supportive figure".

Because it was expected at home or work.

@CanofCant

Yes. See also, 'women should empower each other and lift each other up' used whenever any criticism is launched at female influencers/celebs/MLMers/any woman for quite valid reasons.

'They're just jealous hun, so judgemental'. Or that shite about 'fixing each others crowns'. Blugh.

Absolutely agree with this. The whole "you're a queen" thing makes me want to poke things. Ugh.

BeKind was a load of shit from the beginning.

I’ve been over 50 years on this earth and not once in all that time have I gained anything of any value whatsoever from anyone who thinks stoving someone’s head in with a lamp was ever an option.

@CanofCant

Yes. See also, 'women should empower each other and lift each other up' used whenever any criticism is launched at female influencers/celebs/MLMers/any woman for quite valid reasons.

'They're just jealous hun, so judgemental'. Or that shite about 'fixing each others crowns'. Blugh.

Couldn’t agree more. I’m anti-MLM and for many years have been watching MLM pyramid schemes and the parasitic “coachers” and “influencers” buzzing round this “industry” like flies around shit. The whole scam is about exploiting (predominantly) female employment issues and female networks and basically stripping women of cash, social capital and emotional balance all done under the guise of “female empowerment”. It makes me sick.

Criticise it and you are anti-women and a “hater” and a troll and you will inevitably be told to #bekind by the person who is lying to women and cynically exploiting their best intentions to try and better themselves.

YANBU. It's just a way of shutting people up.

I feel a better guide is;"Never say or do anything unless you can answer yes to at least two of the following; Is it kind?Is it true?Is it necessary?"

Fuck me that's a joyless way to live. Policing every single thing you say and being silent unless every word is kind and neccessary?
Try a joke. Take the stick out of your arse.

YANBU

I find a lot of women who tell people to be kind, are absolute bitches

YANBU

All of the people I know who use the #bekind on their social media are the ones who are bitchy as hell if someone's dares go against them.

Also, people who post on AIBU and then say "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" should not be posting in AIBU or perhaps go to nethuns

Most people would describe themselves as "kind" when they are patently not. A small percentage of people are genuinely kind, the majority are selfish and judgmental but because they've never robbed a bank or mugged an old lady they consider themselves to be kind.

The saying "In a world where you can be anything, be kind" puzzles me. If I can genuinely can be anything in the world (no one can of course), I'd choose success, happiness, health and wealth not bloody kindness.

Kindness isn't a blanket rule either. I'm not gonna show any kindness to someone who wants to hurt me, it's called self preservation.

Most people would describe themselves as "kind" when they are patently not. A small percentage of people are genuinely kind, the majority are selfish and judgmental but because they've never robbed a bank or mugged an old lady they consider themselves to be kind

This is just another misunderstanding of what kind means. It's not a thing you are, it's a thing you do. Most people can be and are kind, in the right situation where kindness is warranted. It's not a state of being.
The majority of people are selfish and judgemental AND kind and caring. They are mean and they are generous, they are loud and they are quiet, they are happy and they are said.
Nobody is one thing. We're all a mass of contradictions.