To think that ‘Be Kind’ has become a toxic way to shut people up?

[Anon778833]

It now means,

‘Don’t challenge anything that is unfair’
‘Don’t make waves’
‘Don’t make anyone feel uncomfortable’
‘Your feelings are irrelevant’

Particularly when it’s aimed at women. Whatever it was originally supposed to mean, it doesn’t tend to mean that any more.

@gardenbird48

Jameela Jamil tweets a lot about being kind although generally she means that women should be happy to give up their rights to single sex spaces (to be kind).

This mornings effort was accompanied by a rather violent gif implying that if we don’t agree and just ‘budge up’ we should be beaten up

Yes I saw that.

Yes and it's always said by people who are total wankers. However, I don't agree it's particularly aimed at women and I hate people who are cunts who call themselves 'outspoken' when they are really just cunts.

See also the use of "Karen" as a means to insult women, particularly women of a certain age

This is very offensive. It's unclear why there's no more push back in relation to this

I agree that it is now used as a way of silencing somebody, I am part of a lot of groups on Facebook and it is used a lot when someone disagrees with someone else, nothing unkind is said but they just don’t want to listen to anyone else’s opinion.

I do however disagree that it’s just about silencing women , in my experience I have only ever seen this comment made by a woman.

If it had been around at the time, no doubt Jimmy Savile would have loved #bekind.

I always think of the Stephen Sondheim lyrics :

"and take extra care with strangers,
Even flowers have their dangers,
And though scary is exciting,
Nice... is different than good"

This is sort of like my thread about personal responsibility.

We’ve replaced (gentle) honest advice and genuine concern, with placating inspirational quotes and trite phrases such as ‘nobody’s perfect are they’.

It actually shows your desire to be liked is stronger than your desire to help that person.

Yeah, though actually I think it's said to men pretty often too.

Really, any time anyone challenges what is supposedly the right and good way of doing things.

What drives me up the wall is that often it seems pretty obvious that the supposed right way to act may not be more "kind" even on the face of it.

If you think affirmative action might be unkind to the individuals who lose out or to the individuals it is supposed to help, or create a situation where people are generally more suspicious about the abilities of a minority group - apparently "be kind" still applies.

Do you think making things easier for school kids might actually make life harder for them? "Be kind" still applies.

There is not even an acknowledgement that what might be the most kind is something that could be disagreed over.

I think the difference becomes clear when I think about people I have known who were authentically and extraordinarily kind. That is something to aspire to, imo, and people like that could be genuine even to people who were very problematic and difficult.

The main thing that is typical of such people seems to be lack of ego. If they say something, it's not to diminish others but because they think it is really worth saying.

Most recently I saw a lot of #bekind from people defending certain influencers who snuck off to Dubai at Christmas while pretending to be in their garden via Instagram. It's not being "unkind" when their followers comment that lying is wrong, travel was irresponsible given tier 4, etc. Nor is it "trolling".

When I come across ‘Be kind’ and ‘be inclusive’ it makes me internally translate into ‘shut up’ and ‘be exclusive of women’ respectively.
Inclusive is a by-word for something that encroaches on women’s sex based rights.
I think it’s sinister. Using ‘kindness’ as an excuse to insidiously make women voiceless. #nodebate #bekind

I thought it just meant “don’t be nasty”

@Ladywinesalot - that’s what it’s supposed to mean. If my 1 year old tries to pull the cat’s fur, I say ‘kind hands’

However, it has evolved into an underhanded way of shutting people up who have legitimate grievances about stuff. Especially women.

I much prefer teaching 'be confident'

Be confident enough to say no to something that makes you feel uncomfortable
Be confident enough to disagree with someone if it makes you feel uncomfortable
Be confident enough to respect your own boundaries.

I agree!

I disagree. A debate on whatever is fine even heated, ripping into someone with harsh criticism or personal insults used to close them down that needs a call out too. Sometimes be kind is required.
Is it kind?
Is it true?
Is it necessary?"
I like that. 👆

@Emeraldshamrock

I disagree. A debate on whatever is fine even heated, ripping into someone with harsh criticism or personal insults used to close them down that needs a call out too. Sometimes be kind is required. Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?" I like that. 👆

What is necessary is rarely kind though is it? Bit of a paradox there.

I'm kind. I dont need some publicity campaign to tell me shit. Neither will I be trampled on by anyone or under any slogan for standing up for myself.

No I don't. I think people are being as horrible as ever on SM and you get the odd "be kind" from a poster that everyone either ignores or jumps on ime.

"Karen" however, that is being used to shut women up and is horribly and blatantly misogynistic.

You can say something necessary without being cruel.
I see "be kind" as don't be a dick.

I always dislike 'you're just jealous' as a shut down.
It winds me up when I see or hear this, maybe they are not jealous, maybe they're just expressing an opinion.

@Sparklingbrook

I think Be Kind does have a place in schools re bullying, but I don't know how it went from that to ladies jumpers with 'In a world where you can be anything be kind' on.

This is exactly how I feel.

I also feel that suggesting that unkindness from strangers is the cause of anyone self harming or committing suicide is wrong. It is far more complex than that. Most suicidal people have people who love them dearly, who would do anything for them. They are shown plenty if kindness but still feel for whatever reason they can't go on.

Re. discussion of celebrities on Mumsnet - the double standards are amazing. Right now Eddie Izzard is getting a pasting but when I posted a mildly critical thread about him a few years ago I got my arse handed to me. Perhaps I was ahead of the zeitgeist.

The "be kind" mantra in the context of TWAW is sickening when you think about the abuse dished out to the likes of JK Rowling and Graham Linehan and all the other gender critical commentators/ campaigners.

I think with social media people, and I know it's hard as they have to promote themselves to earn money, but do they consider how it makes people feel when they show off their extravagant lifestyle? Do they consider how it will make a single mum living in a council flat with no proper carpets feel? I think the act of gratuitously showing off to strangers and calling bully if those strangers don't worship you unquestioningly isn't exactly high on the kindness scale.

Any adult that tells another adult to be kind (or asks what happened to be kind) is automatically written off as an idiot in my book. If I’m not being kind to someone, I have reason but often times being straightforward and blunt is seen as being unkind rather than not pandering to people.

I always dislike 'you're just jealous' as a shut down.
Me too, I automatically think it's a childish response.