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AIBU?

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Original poster

Something my FIL says (ED related)

122 replies

BrilliantBetty · 28/02/2021 22:12

I have two young DDs. Eldest is 6 and questioning everything, remembers little things and can be quite serious / thoughtful.

Every time we celebrate a birthday and there's cake, or Christmas and there's chocolate etc. My FIL will make a comment like 'we can eat this piece of cake because we've had a long walk and used up lots of energy'. Or 'yes I'll have a couple of biscuits with my tea, I did run 15k yesterday', 'we shouldn't really be eating this, we'll need to do some exercise'. He is quite fitness obsessed which is great for him but I don't like the repeated comments to my DDs about being able to eat something because of such & such.

My DD(6) has picked up on it.
She's not overweight, none of us are. I am worrying that these comments, while not exactly wrong, could manifest and be some sort of contributing factor to eating disorder later on. I lost a very close friend quite a while ago to anorexia and from threads on here I see that it's not such an uncommon thing.

Anyway AIBU to feel these comments are not good.

OP posts:
justanotherremainer · 28/02/2021 22:33

I’m not sure I agree OP, but I suspect I’ll be in the minority!

I do think if people were more accepting of the balance between what they put in to their bodies v the energy they use up, there would be less disordered eating and obesity.

I just don’t think it helps anybody not to mention the elephant in the room.

Beenaboutabit · 28/02/2021 22:35

Seems like a healthy message for kids.

PawPawNoodle · 28/02/2021 22:36

I think its a reasonable and healthy thing for him to say. It's not like he's demonising 'bad food', instead focusing on the fact that food is fuel and a wide range of foods can be enjoyed in moderation as part of an active lifestyle.

Hopdathelf · 28/02/2021 22:38

Took me two reads to work out what all this was to do with erectile dysfunction.

mynameiscalypso · 28/02/2021 22:38

YANBU. Food is great. Exercise is great. One should not be a reward or punishment for the other. They should both be enjoyed. It's a difficult situation because plenty of people make similar comments but I'm trying to make sure that I always present a neutral view ('you can have a slice of cake because it's delicious!') and just hope that's the bit that sticks. My DS is a bit younger than your DD though so I can imagine I might get more forceful as he gets older. Another reason for my PIL to dislike me I suppose but it's worth it for my DS.

triplettrouble · 28/02/2021 22:38

@Hopdathelf

Took me two reads to work out what all this was to do with erectile dysfunction.
Me too. Wink
PurpleBiro21 · 28/02/2021 22:41

@Hopdathelf

Took me two reads to work out what all this was to do with erectile dysfunction.
And me Blush
FoxgloveBee · 28/02/2021 22:41

Eeee I thought you were talking about erectile dysfunction 😂😂 no I think what he's saying is fine.

Hankunamatata · 28/02/2021 22:42

Me 3

TheCatWithTheFluffyTail · 28/02/2021 22:43

So one person around her says it and you think that’s what she will pick up on and develop an eating disorder as a result of? In all seriousness, if you are in the U.K., obesity is a much bigger concern and I think it’s good to let children know that they need a certain amount of food in response to particular activities. It’s surely good to have someone keen on fitness as a role model.

FakingMemories · 28/02/2021 22:44

I think he’s trying to get the message across that such foods should not be eaten all the time but reserved for treats. He hadn’t said anything about getting fat, he’s talking about energy. And that’s the correct way to look at food and how much you actually need (rather than how much you want.

I’d be worried if he was saying “no I can’t eat that because it will make me fat” and giving the impression that enjoying certain foods is somehow wrong. That kind of talk builds a very unhealthy relationship with food.

Original poster
BrilliantBetty · 28/02/2021 22:44

So those that think it's fine. Do you talk this way about food in your own families, to the DC? Giving the message that you can't have something sweet unless it's earned through exercise?

Sorry about the ED Grin whoops

OP posts:
SionnachGlic · 28/02/2021 22:44

Me too...was curious to know in what circumstance your FIL would discuss his erectile dysfunction with you...🤣

Honeybobbin · 28/02/2021 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/02/2021 22:45

Unless she's eating every single meal with her fil and he's making similar comments every time, I really wouldn't worry about this. It's not a bad message.

Original poster
BrilliantBetty · 28/02/2021 22:46

He hadn’t said anything about getting fat

He does say things about getting fat / fat people sometimes too. But it's not the main thing said.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 28/02/2021 22:48

@BrilliantBetty

So those that think it's fine. Do you talk this way about food in your own families, to the DC? Giving the message that you can't have something sweet unless it's earned through exercise?

Sorry about the ED Grin whoops

I probably do. Not in a 'you can't eat that cake unless you go for a run' way but in a more balanced way that actually just eating cake and never doing exercise isn't really any good for you.
mxmxm · 28/02/2021 22:48

i agree with you, OP

from the sounds of it it seems like he definitely has good intentions, and it’s obviously crucial to teach kids the importance of eating healthily & what you’re putting into your body

however imo food should never be mentioned as something ‘bad’ (eg in the context of ‘we shouldn’t be eating this’) if it’s in regards to weight gain, because food isn’t bad, even if it’s treats (so long as they’re in moderation).

i’ve explained this very badly but i’m nodding off on strong pain meds atm (damn sciatica) but basically, YANBU

Honeybobbin · 28/02/2021 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DramaAlpaca · 28/02/2021 22:50

@Hopdathelf

Took me two reads to work out what all this was to do with erectile dysfunction.
And me Grin
2021isalsorubbish · 28/02/2021 22:51

Yes we are very honest about food - it's all about balance.
A good long walk deserves a slice of cake. Sitting on the couch all day doesn't. You have to be honest about it and help your kids make good food choices.

SionnachGlic · 28/02/2021 22:51

On the food issue, teaching moderation is good & the effect sugary treats have on our weight/health but I would be concerned if I thought it was implanting negative associations for children especially if one was particularly over sensitive or impressionable. I think though as you are aware of a little ear taking it all in, you could counteract with a little chat between you...you & your child. And ask DH was he like this when he was little & was it just boring waffle to him or what did he think? Prob just hardly listened, like most kids.... if a peer was going on about rationing themselves, that's when they'd listen & you'd need to be alert to that...

sst1234 · 28/02/2021 22:53

OP, this may sound harsh but do you normally look for reasons to make a thing out of something that isn’t a thing.

RAOK · 28/02/2021 22:56

@Hopdathelf

Took me two reads to work out what all this was to do with erectile dysfunction.
Me too!
StillWeRise · 28/02/2021 22:58

@Hopdathelf

Took me two reads to work out what all this was to do with erectile dysfunction.
me too !
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