To feel weird about buying pre worn clothes

[unikitty08]

DC is starting nursery next month.

A few friends have told me how messy his clothes are going to get and not to send him in anything expensive.

I was talking to one friend about buying him a puddle suit and she recommended ebay.

She told me she buys a lot of her daughters clothes (especially for nursery) in bundles and they are “pre loved”

I was surprised about this as her daughter is always dressed in Next, Zara, Gap. Brands I would consider to be that bit more pricey.

When I was growing up, to buy second hand or use charity shops etc was a big no no.
It was viewed as though you didn’t have money or couldn’t afford nice things.

I don’t have this view of other people, particularly not now as an adult, but I do have this view of myself if I were to buy pre worn clothes.

I’ve had a look at some clothes bundles this evening and I’m shocked at some of the lovely things I could get, the puddle suit id seen for nursery, which brand new is £35, I can get pre worn worn for £5!

I don’t think I can bring myself to buy pre worn though, I feel weird about it, like I’m “hard up” or
a bit trampy.

I feel really envious now of the people that clothes shop this way, it would save me a fortune!

How can I get past my weird feelings?

I buy and sell on Vinted.

It feels more like normal shopping without the faff and stress of bidding from eBay. Less bargain potentially but more predictable.

I think you could break yourself in OP! I come from a very mixed wc and mc background so really get what you’re saying but luckily for me love a bit of thrift/sh.

A thing to do which might get you used to the concept is at some point try and establish a few ‘chains’. Eg I don’t sell my daughter’s clothes, I keep them in pristine condition and all packaged up to give to my (very wealthy) friend with a little girl younger than her. But lots of my daughters clothes came from another friend with an older girl! Then a few nice things bought.

Kids go to a school with expensive uniform, but there is a thriving hand me down culture (to the point where daughter has seven pinafores! I bought 1 which I regret!). Again, I know a mum with a girl in a younger year and I just parcel everything up and give to her. In fact other mums who gave to me would prob be annoyed if they found out I wasn’t doing that, it’s so much the thing to do.

Then school does a charity shop and I get a couple of the very expensive school outfitter jumpers for a fiver each!

I can afford to buy my daughter all the clothes she needs but I was given so many clothes from friends that I've only spent about £100 on clothes and that will be until she is 18months. Some were better than others, I kept the bits I liked and in good condition and passed on the bits I didn't want/like. I think my daughter always looks lovely and cared for, it's always well ironed and stain free anyway!

@CalmConfident

I buy and sell on Vinted.

It feels more like normal shopping without the faff and stress of bidding from eBay. Less bargain potentially but more predictable.

I was about to list a couple of my own things on Depop. Do you think Vinted is better?

Where I live it’s the wealthy who buy second hand and the poor who buy brand new

This is so ridiculous, so basically the wealthy are running around wearing poor people second hand clothes?

Of course they are not, ther is a world of difference between wearing you grandmothers vintage channel and buying someone’s second hand trousers from next.

And people keep saying this then mentioning labels. So basically the poor in society are down there buying new from whistles, ghost, reiss etc, and the wealthy are in there buying them second hand off them?

Eh, nope. People buy second hand across the class spectrum for many reasons, often budget driven.

My son's first ever clothes were second-hand and I still buy loads of stuff off eBay for him, even shoes. People are constantly selling barely-worn kids' items, as they grow out of things so fast. I want him to have decent, sturdy, waterproof shoes but I'm not willing to pay £50-70 for them new!

I also buy myself second-hand stuff whenever I manage to find something I like.

To me it just makes good economic sense, in terms of money and reuse. I feel like I'm beating the system

@caoraich

Perhaps there some truth it what you’re saying.

I grew up in an area that wasn’t the best.

Most of the people I went to school with are still living in that area. Most are now single parents themselves.

I’ve always felt quite paranoid about where I grew up and felt strongly about never living there.

I left the area at 18 when I went to university and I’ve never been back since.

I don’t struggle for money, I own my own home, I don’t have debts (obviously I have my mortgage)

What I’m trying to say is that I don’t not buy second hand for those reasons you have stated.

I grew up with that stigma around charity shops and second hand clothes.
As a child I think you’re pretty impressionable, and hearing things like “you’re poor” or “hard up” or “trampy” if you buy second hand clothes, it sticks!

I know myself, husband or son aren’t any of those things, but I still feel really weird about buying second hand.

@Bluntness100 I agree to an extent, but in my experience, family and friends who had a baby and were really stretched financially, were also the ones buying £1k travel systems brand new. Friends who are far more comfortable all bought second hand for a fraction of the price. I think there's an element of insecurity for some that buying second hand is showing you're poor.

I was brought up on second hand clothes from charity shops and shock horror jumble sales !!!! I do the same for my dd and have got some amazing things over the years that I would never have been able to afford brand new. I have never felt 'trampy'.

My new favourite thing to do, is scour pre loved sites for Dd - 20 months clothes.

We've had some amazing finds!

Give it a good wash, and it's as good as new!

I think there's an element of insecurity for some that buying second hand is showing you're poor

Totally agree, which goes back to how the thread started, there was a stigma against it, and in some quarters still is

The point I’m making is it’s ludicrous to say the wealthy buy second hand and the poor don’t, it’s across all classes and for many reasons.

How to get over it:

Ask yourself if you insist on brand new bedding, towels, cutlery etc every time you go anywhere. Next, ask yourself what’s the difference.

@RuralJuror

My son wore a lot of hand-me-downs from his cousins. Would that be considered "trampy?" Made sense from a financial and environmental point of view. Perhaps when your son comes home from nursey covered in paint, glue, glitter, sand etc, you will reconsider lol

Exactly. When my son was small it was considered normal to swap clothes with friends and family. A friend with several dc told me things often came back round again.

But my mil was snobby about it. We were offered some clothes by my sil who lived in another town and she said she send them via mil when she visited. Mil came back and told me that if we couldn't afford new clothes for ds then she would buy us some .

A few years later and she told me she had been dithering over a party dress she saw in a charity shop that would fit her other son's dd. She said that she had decided not to buy it in the end because "people like us give things to charity shops, we dont buy from them"

Forward several more years and she bought some "new" sofas and mentioned the shop. DH asked if they cleaned the furniture before it was sold or if she had got it done - it seems she hadn't realised it was a second hand shop!!!

Ah, I get you, I grew up with much the same mindset. I have a 17 year old and I wouldn't have dreamed of putting her in second hand.

However I now also have a toddler and I've fully embraced it! I've discovered I would much rather have a good quality dress than something from Asda, which I used a lot for my older one. But I'm not really willing to spend £30 on a Boden dress that will be worn 2-3 times before she outgrows it. So I buy on Facebook.

I've discovered scandi clothing, which is the brightest, softest, unisex clothing, and fully embraced it. There is a thriving market for it, so a new dress will cost £25-30, but will then get sold on for £20, the next person might get £16, etc. Because the material is better quality, it doesn't wash out of shape or look grubby quickly, so it can last a good queue of children!

But do ask questions or look at pictures closely- those saying you only get good quality looked after things are very wrong 😁 if someone describes something as playwear, they generally mean it looks like a dishrag! But there are some gems in there.

This is my girl wearing a completely preloved outfit- you can see how bright it still is.

I live in a very family focused, but pretty affluent area in london. Everyone competes for the best items in the local charity shop. I've found some gorgeous things for my kids... from toys to buggies to clothes and have no shame whatsoever in doing so. I also like the fact my money is actually benefitting a children's charity. I do find that second hand items tend to be better quality in the baby range, but that's because toddlers are messy little buggers and fewer items survive! We both work full time and have no problems paying for new items, but it seems so frivolous to waste money on new sleep suits or a high chair, when you can get these items for a third of their price and in great condition. I did it for my first child happily and have done the same for my second.

I bought everything for my first child second hand because it's all I could afford.

You keep repeating that it's your upbringing that makes you think secondhand is 'hard up' or 'trampy'. You have a choice because you can afford everything new. You also have a choice to change your opinion.

I can't really help beyond that.

DS13 is growing up in a deprived area and being educated at an under performing school, the like of which has MN scrambling for private education and house moves. He is also very clever and hard-working.

Judge away at him being 'hard up' because he is, but he is a million miles from trampy. Possibly the most classy, well-put together person I've ever met.

@StylishMummy

I think there's an element of insecurity for some that buying second hand is showing you're poor.

I do agree with this, but in my case I think it’s just trying to distance myself from insecurities of the area I grew up in.

I don’t buy things now to show I’m not poor, because I know I’m not.
I don’t buy flashy labels and i certainly didn’t buy a flashy travel system.

I have a mama’s & papas travel system which I got nearly half price in their sale.

I’m not precious about brands or spending a lot of money to show off.

I just have a “thing” about used clothes.

Can't afford to buy my kids new wardrobe every time they have growth spurts. Second hand bundles from Facebook marketplace and lovely stuff in them hardly worn by looks of it. You'd never tell they weren't bought new. Not like second hand means rags

I can see where you are coming from but,

• we are all humans
• nearly everything can be washed
• the clothing industry is riddled with waste and has a disastrous environmental impact
• babies grow out of things in 5 minutes

If you don't have another child to save for, soon you will have bags and bags of little clothes, toys and prams you don't know what to do with.

There is a big circulating economy of nearly new baby clothes/equipment, there always has been, nearly everyone does it honestly.

We were poor when I was a child. I had loads of second hand things. We can now afford to buy everything new but I still have lots of second hand clothes off eBay, and some of DS3’s clothes must be third or fourth hand, but are still in lovely condition because they were good quality to start with. Far better to buy nice used things on eBay or at NCT sales than to buy lots of new, poorer quality stuff which will finish up being thrown away after a short time. And the environmental benefit is obvious, surely?

We know someone who has a kid a year older than ours and gives us all their hand me downs. A lot of them were hand me downs to them so we're the third users of the clothes. You'd never know by looking at them as they're always in excellent condition and they're usually really expensive brands. Absolute life saver and has saved us a ton of money.

@TheCatWithTheFluffyTail

Where I live it’s the wealthy who buy second hand and the poor who buy brand new.

^ This!

I just have a “thing” about used clothes

You know it's irrational, so break it. Buy that puddlesuit on eBay. Sit with the discomfort and watch it fade away - because it will.

Why did you feel the need to clarify you've never received any form of welfare payments? (Not even child benefit?) Do you think there's something shameful about that too?

If you don't want to pass your judgemental mindset on, challenge it and disrupt it in yourself so you can develop a different one.

grew up with that stigma around charity shops and second hand clothes.
As a child I think you’re pretty impressionable, and hearing things like “you’re poor” or “hard up” or “trampy” if you buy second hand clothes, it sticks!

It was the same where I grew up too. But I think back than you would have been shopping from one or two charity shops, so having to choose from a limited stock and making do with ill fitting or misshapen clothes, already worn out or not matching. So it was obvious.
As you've noticed already that's not what you'll get on ebay.
Why not try it?

I was given a bag of lovely clothes for DS2 just the other day. I’ll probably pass them on to a neighbour when DS3 has finished with them, as her son is 18 months younger and has most of our outgrown stuff already. I saw a pair of our old wellies on yet another neighbour’s toddler a few days ago. This is a fairly affluent village and everyone passes things around.