To feel weird about buying pre worn clothes

[unikitty08]

DC is starting nursery next month.

A few friends have told me how messy his clothes are going to get and not to send him in anything expensive.

I was talking to one friend about buying him a puddle suit and she recommended ebay.

She told me she buys a lot of her daughters clothes (especially for nursery) in bundles and they are “pre loved”

I was surprised about this as her daughter is always dressed in Next, Zara, Gap. Brands I would consider to be that bit more pricey.

When I was growing up, to buy second hand or use charity shops etc was a big no no.
It was viewed as though you didn’t have money or couldn’t afford nice things.

I don’t have this view of other people, particularly not now as an adult, but I do have this view of myself if I were to buy pre worn clothes.

I’ve had a look at some clothes bundles this evening and I’m shocked at some of the lovely things I could get, the puddle suit id seen for nursery, which brand new is £35, I can get pre worn worn for £5!

I don’t think I can bring myself to buy pre worn though, I feel weird about it, like I’m “hard up” or
a bit trampy.

I feel really envious now of the people that clothes shop this way, it would save me a fortune!

How can I get past my weird feelings?

My child’s state school and came from all sorts of backgrounds. They also had a second hand uniform sale and it was always very evident that the only parents you ever saw at the sales were the middle class parents.

Our school does a second hand uniform.
There isn't a shop, if you needed one you request at admission when offered.
People donate in labeled clear bags, teachers add socks and pants.
It is all secretive.
In MC area you are buying 2nds because you can, you've a choice they're more likely made with quality materials built too last unlike 2nd primark or tesco uniforms they don't last and are very obviously worn.
I dye the labeled navy tracksuit covering the logo so it is like new for donation.

Where I live it’s the wealthy who buy second hand and the poor who buy brand new
Yes, but buying cheap.
Charity shops are smart with eBay comparison prices, often they sell expensive stuff cheaper but not cheap enough when you have primark and supermarket clothing.
I don't buy in Charity shops anymore it use to benefit charity and community they're purely for profit now.
I donate free locally rather than give to them.

Charity shops in my area are for the wealthy, they charge ridicously high prices for tat. They are always full though

All my ds clothes are from a friend or vinted app.

@creepingthyme

Charity shops in my area are for the wealthy, they charge ridicously high prices for tat. They are always full though

That was an issue when I lived in London. There was one that sold kids stuff where you'd see primark t shits that were £1 new selling for a fiver.

Where I am now they are cheap. 20p for a baby grow, I've got my 7 year old cardigans and jumpers for 50p.

I love hand me downs🙌🏻

You would feel “trampy”, OP? What on earth does that mean??

(I’m not convinced by this thread...)

Charity shops in my area are for the wealthy, they charge ridicously high prices for tat. They are always full though
Yep once vintage and environmental became popular they drove the prices up massively.
I stopped buying DS saw a batman robot when I enquired it was €40 no remote and a piece missing.
I told her they were €50 brand new and never donated again.
My intention was to help the charity and community not the fat cat managers, selling free stock out of the poorer persons financial reach.

@WatchWatch

What also gets me is when I lived in a more affluent area all the schools did a second hand uniform shop.

Yes, my kids private school has a thriving second hand uniform shop. Yet the state school nearby it's a thing of shame to have to get second hand uniform.

This has reminded me of an article about Kate and Pippa Middletons’ schooldays, with quotations from someone who’d purportedly had children at Marlborough at the same time, and who said that the girls always had beautiful, new uniform and sports kit with perfectly sewn name-labels, brand-new, high quality sports equipment and luggage, and even perfect picnics when their parents came to a sports day.

While being perfectly polite and ostensibly positive and self-deprecating, it was pretty clear it was a class-based sneer at nouveau riches’ preference for brand new and trying too hard , rather than ‘just’ using great-grandad’s old school trunk and secondhand kit, and throwing your kids a few petrolstatiin sandwiches.

@WatchWatch

What also gets me is when I lived in a more affluent area all the schools did a second hand uniform shop.

Yes, my kids private school has a thriving second hand uniform shop. Yet the state school nearby it's a thing of shame to have to get second hand uniform.

Yes, we do a swap via a Facebook group and then give a (non compulsory) donation to the school.

Most other clothes are passed on from parent to parent in the playground. What’s not wanted is then passed on again straightaway, the rest is worn until outgrown and then passed on.

This is perfectly normal in my area (Surrey). However, no one would be looked down on or assumed to have insecurities or concerns if they only bought brand new.

I’ve bought a few new things for my children but other than car seats etc, we’re big supporters of second hand and hand me downs. Also plenty of homemade (although I still need to work on my sewing abilities).

My kids went to a private boarding school when my ex husband was promoted in the army and we moved abroad and house 5 times in 4 years. This was totally out of my world and depth. Despite the school being full of very well off people hardly anyone kitted their kids out in new uniform. The school secondhand uniform shop did a roaring trade. It was deemed "uncool" by the kids to have brand new uniform. There was a poor child in my daughters form who's mother insisted on new everything. Not only was he ribbed by the kids but he always complained how uncomfortable the new uniform was, stiff collars etc. My daughter had to have a new blazer one year as the secondhand ones were sold out. She complained and moaned the entire year and would often try and squeeze into her old blazer, I'd kept by for her younger sister. Obvioudly, my preconception about "rich" people was totally out of touch.

The point I'm making is even very well off people with seemingly almost £100k

a year to throw at educating thier several offspring, have no qualms I buying secondhand/pre worn or whatever you want to call it.

Secondhand is not a market for the poor. Infact, one could argue the cost of clothes in an Oxfam shop are much higher in most cases than clothes in George at Asda or Primark.

People still seeing secondhand as second-best are behind the times.

Then there is the argument against throwaway fashion and the environment.

It’s so funny, I have worked for billionaires and they wear old clothes with holes in.

@unikitty08 - Please excuse my ignorance, why is it better for the environment?

Because you're saving clothes from going to landfill and saving new clothes from having to be manufactured for you.

See mindfulofthehome.com/why-buy-secondhand-clothing/

I always buy secondhand whenever possible, as do all my friends. I only buy new when it's unavoidable. I don't need to, I can afford not to, but it's the right thing to do and I love a bargain. My boys had fabulous wardrobes of lovely clothes when they were small courtesy of eBay bundles, it's not like anyone knows where you buy them from.

My teens and their friends buy and sell clothes and shoes all the time from a site that 'they all' use but I can't remember the name of - deebop maybe? My youngest bought a used designer sweatshirt for £40 and sold it on the same site a few months later (after he had worn it a few times) and got £75 for it.

Then I suppose if no one bought new in the first place, I might not be able to find such good bargains.

I used to get all my kids' stuff on eBay. Perfect condition, much better for the planet, and they had no idea!

Now dd is 17, she buys a lot of clothes on Vinted, eBay and Depop too!

I'd try to get over your aversion to buying second hand. Think how much you will save - and how much better the planet will be for your dc...

People give clothes to charity shops because they don't know anyone to hand them down to.

These days I'd say that in general buying or wearing second hand is a sign of being wealthier.

If you can't bring yourself to buy preloved, would you consider buying Brand New With Tags first? You don't have to tell your mum where your kids clothes come from.

The other pro of buying preloved is a lower chance of other kids wearing the same item if that kind of thing bothers you.

@TheCatWithTheFluffyTail

Where I live it’s the wealthy who buy second hand and the poor who buy brand new.

I was going to say that. The fear of "keeping up appearances" is traditionally a working class thing.

Buy your puddle suit and see how you feel. Kids grow so fast that they don't get full wear out of a lot of things. I think it's lovely to reuse them and so good for the environment. I was lucky to have my kids on an estate full of kids, we got hand me downs given and we passed them on to other people. But I love buying things second hand too. Not just clothes, anything. I like good quality stuff but I don't like paying full prices for it. Just got some lovely anthropologie coasters for an absolute bargain. Embrace it. It's stopping fast fashion and all that unsavoury business, getting a.bargain and getting good stuff to boot.

What @caoraich said earlier makes sense to me: my husband has a bit of a thing about being freshly pressed and polished shoes before he goes "into town". He could be going to a shopping mall, or just to a park with the kids, but he cannot leave the house without looking polished. It has taken years for me to convince him to relax about our children's appearance when we're out with them.

Our class backgrounds are different. I came from a family that has been comfortably middle-class (in the US sense) for a few generations. My parents are bright, successful people and they look scruffy here. My mother wouldn't dream of wearing anything besides jeans and her one pair of trainers, unless she was dressing up for church. My husband's parents were very working class, and moved up the social ladder through schemes like being able to buy their house from the council (back when the council still built nice houses rather than rabbit-hutch flats) and being wise with their money.

He will happily accept hand-me-downs for the kids from family and friends but I can't imagine him ever seeking out secondhand. He is truly worried about being judged as a tink. Whereas I think my money's good anywhere. ;-p

Should add, he did have a few peers from rough families in his neighbourhood and so did his mum, growing up. Maybe the shadow of not being good enough to raise your kids based on how they look hung around. I didn't grow up with that experience.

I thought the same until I had my son.

Now I don't care.

I know what you mean about the stigma as a child of "shopping in a charity shop'. Thinking about it now the stigma probably also reflected that if you were wearing only whatever the charity shop had in then it meant you didn't have friends/family to pass on clothes to you, nobody was buying new clothes as presents at birthdays/Christmas/Easter, you were unable yourself to knit something or run something up from a fent (cheap end of roll material) and knew nobody who offered to do this for you. Which is not an enviable position.

People did wear the occasional thing from charity shops and that was ok if it was something that could be washed so was clean and it was clear they had chosen it. I think a lot of posters are thinking of this situation when they say they buy second hand. They're buying what they want and it happens to be second hand rather than buying second hand and it's not what they want.

I check charity shops/eBay first when I want something for my toddler. I've had some good finds. However, if I was on a limited income and looking only for clothes that were the right season and fitted now I would have a lot less luck. So I can see why people buy new when on a limited budget as you know that the shops will have what you need in the size you need so budgeting can be more predictable.

I went even further when dd was younger and she does so now having learned from me - "frankensteining" old clothes to create new ones:

Shorts and skirts made out of old jeans and trousers that became too short (dd is very slim and tall so often things would still fit on the waist but not leg length)

Taking sleeves off one top and adding them to another especially where the other parts of the garments had become stained or worn

Making scarves, hats, mittens, tie style belts and hair accessories out of the "rags"

Dds first year of life we were very lucky to have been given several bin bags worth of used baby clothes by friends who'd completed their families, admittedly gifts from family too, the only items clothes wise we had to buy till she was about 18 months old was a few vests and tights!

I've bought loads over the years second hand mainly from charity shops, it's nice to not only be doing better for the environment but also helping charities.

I have ocd so everything washed before wearing but then it's fine.

Only thing I won't buy second hand if well worn (obvious from the soles if not the rest of the shoe) is shoes as both dd and I have dodgy feet anyway in different ways and we don't need that made worse, shoes "mould" to the wearer which can then cause issues if worn a lot before being handed down and the next wearer can then experience difficulties, especially things like heels.

I'm also very good at looking after clothes so they last me ages (same not true of dd I'm afraid even now she's an adult), I wash and dry carefully, remove stains immediately (and I'm pretty good at this if I say so myself) and repair minor issues immediately too (small holes, loose hems and seams) some of my repairs are...inventive! But whatever works

My parents have your attitude but it's borne from having been very poor themselves growing up and wearing unsuitable and embarrassing hand me downs eg my dad vividly remembers having to wear a bright yellow girls blouse once that was his older cousins and getting bullied for it (he's mid 70's in the 50's this was not as accepted as it may be now, especially in working class glasgow!), my mum remembers having to wear second hand school shoes that hurt and damaged her feet.

They struggled with the knowledge of my siblings and I doing this at first (my siblings don't do it quite as much as I do either but they're quite conservative style wise which is a factor) my sister sells a fair bit on eBay etc she's a good salesperson.

@Time40 that's an excellent suggestion to ease the op in

Also op it's not just on eBay you get bnwt also freecycle and Facebook market pages do things this way, I'm always seeing stuff advertised on Facebook this way, I tend not to buy them myself simply as these tend to be newer fashions which isn't my "thing" but dd does it loads!

The age you're talking about too, tbh they get SO messy it's not worth wasting new clothes on. I would recommend you invest also in the following though:

Large container of salt
White vinegar
Baking soda
Bottle of lemon juice
Original green fairy liquid (not any of the posh scented ones!)
Nail polish remover
A lint remover (makes removing glitter and similar SO much easier!)

Always tackle stains BEFORE washing the item, ditto repairs.

@LongTimeMammaBear I'm old enough to remember clothes rentals for all kinds of things! My dad was army and when he reached the point he and mum were attending balls, it was ridiculous to spend a lot of money on a dress mum would only wear once so there were often rental set ups on base or in a shop near the base precisely for this reason, they could also rent matching bags, head dresses, jewellery etc when I married the bridesmaid dresses were rented nobody does that any more either which is also ridiculous as they're not the kind of thing you're likely to wear again and very expensive. Mum had one pair of gold heels and one pair silver that she'd wear depending on colour tone of that ball's dress. She has some amazing photos from that time as renting also allowed her to take risks style wise that she might not have attempted if she was buying.

I haven’t thrown away any of his clothes. They’re all vacuum packed in storage bags.

Unless you're hanging onto them for another child, get them sold and make yourself some money.

Yay! Well done for bidding!