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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to think this is not ok?

88 replies

User3gg · 27/02/2021 21:25

Backstory - dp and I had a disagreement. Made up this morning, moving on.

Messing around in the kitchen, joking and I flicked water at him.

Sometime later he pulled me in for a cuddle, I laughed, said no you’re going to do something. He assured me not, pulled me in and smashed an egg on my head.

I reacted, sobbed and ran away to clean up.

He thinks I over reacted and insists it was a joke retaliation to my water flicking.

He has since apologised that it hurt (he had to smash it pretty hard) but won’t admit it was wrong to do it.

YABU - it was an egg, get over it
YANBU - this was not funny

OP posts:

Crunchymum · 27/02/2021 21:27

Not OK at all.

Does he have form for things like this? "Jokes" that hurt you physically and / emotionally?

MonochromeMinnie · 27/02/2021 21:28

Well YANBU but loads of posters will tell you that you started it, ignoring the fact that smashing an egg on your head is far more aggressive than flicking water. Can you tell I've read a few of these threads?

Tiredmum100 · 27/02/2021 21:28

I wouldn't be happy at all if my husband did that to me. Water will dry, an egg means a hair wash etc. No I'd be really pissed off.

Franpan · 27/02/2021 21:30

It depends on how normal physical horseplay of this type is in your relationship. It doesn’t sound like he meant to hurt or humiliate you. Sounds like he really believed you would laugh or see it as fair exchange?

nanbread · 27/02/2021 21:32

I think of myself as a jokey person but a flick of water vs egg in your hair, VERY different. I'd be pissed off. YANBU. Also to do it after he'd reassured you he wouldn't is a bit off, unless he did it in a jokey way.

nanbread · 27/02/2021 21:34

He has apologised for hurting you but I don't think he did it maliciously so I'd be make it clear he's to do nothing like that again and tell him that if he can't see the difference between egg smashing and water flicking he's a dick, but then move on.

Pillowcase123 · 27/02/2021 21:34

I'm really surprised by the comments here. Joke leads to other joke?

Unless you were hurt? I cant imagine an egg hurting me physically but everyone's different I guess

FixItUpChappie · 27/02/2021 21:36

I really don't think it's a big deal tbh and I'd move on. Just my opinion

Nellythemouse · 27/02/2021 21:36

Personally, no, that would not be ok. Not that I’d flick water at my husband either except possibly while swimming, but a few drops of water in play is clearly different to smashing an egg on your head. It has connotations to me of putting you in your place or trying to humiliate you. The biggest red flag to me is he doesn’t see a problem, is making it your fault and won’t apologise- if I’d made my husband cry over something that was meant to be funny I’d be mortified and apologetic, not making out like he was unreasonable.

PickAChew · 27/02/2021 21:37

So your fine with egg in your hair, then, @pillowcase123?

BearEastie · 27/02/2021 21:37

I think the issue is that he cannot equate hurting you to it being wrong to do.

Jokes shouldn't hurt.

Ameliablue · 27/02/2021 21:37

A bit of water can just be brushed off but an egg on your head you would need to head to the showers. It's a whole other level and uncalled for.

SmokedDuck · 27/02/2021 21:38

I can see why someone might think it's kind of similar. Practical jokes of that kind tend to have a one-upmanship quality to them, so they escalate and the question becomes, when should you draw a line on that. So you'd say, before the egg, and he wouldn't. I don't know that there is really a right or wrong answer as such.

Personally I am very annoyed at having water flicked at me, which is probably unreasonable but it just ticks me off. So I'd have been annoyed at that point.

If he's sorry he upset you I'd just let it go.

PrancerandDancer · 27/02/2021 21:39

An egg is completely different from a flick of water. I would be really upset with this.

MangoBiscuit · 27/02/2021 21:39

A flick of water, to an egg smashed onto your head. Bit of a steep escalation there. I wouldn't be happy about that either.

Pillowcase123 · 27/02/2021 21:40

@PickAChew you realise egg comes off in the shower right? It's not permanent.

Practical joke leads to practical joke. Personally, I think "sobbing" in reaction to a payback joke is massively over the top unless there has been physical harm. But that's just me!

sunflowersandbuttercups · 27/02/2021 21:41

YANBU. Flicking water is one thing, smashing an egg on someone is a whole other level.

hobbyiscodefordogging · 27/02/2021 21:41

Cracking an egg on your head was a stupid idea. I'd be annoyed at having to go and wash and dry my hair. But sobbing and running off? And refusing to move on from it when he's said sorry? Nah.

LinoleumBlownapart · 27/02/2021 21:43

You mentioned the disagreement as a backstory but you said you made up and moved on so why did you mention it and why did flick the water?

The egg was wrong and not funny at all. The water wasn't as bad but it was unessessary. There's no smoke without fire, I think you both need to show each other a bit more respect

Franpan · 27/02/2021 21:43

Exactly, on the practical joke leads to practical joke point. Flicking water is no big deal to you, so you do it. And an egg is no big deal to him, so he did it. He didn’t know that was where you would draw the line and get upset.

LonstantonSpiceMuseum · 27/02/2021 21:43

Hi OP, you're going to get a lot of a mixed reactions here. I'd personally would find it funny, but that's just me, I'm less bothered by that.
He might not have realised, because some people would genuinely be okay with it and he might have seen that 🤷‍♀️
What's important though is that you didn't like it. It doesn't matter if someone else would in that situation or not.
Make it clear what sort of thing is acceptable to you or not, his reaction to that is key here.
Im sensitive about things that might seem random to another person, I would like my partner to respect it and not point it out and my ex did follow that at least! However I wouldn't expect anyone to guess.

Testsareclear · 27/02/2021 21:43

I'd be upset at this. But regardless, YOU were upset and he seems to not want to acknowledge that. He needs to read 'mustbethistalltoride' about people doing this sort of thing in relationships. Absolutely not on.

2ndtimemum2 · 27/02/2021 21:43

Was it an ostrich egg op? I'm surprised we haven't had the you've been assaulted post yet but I'm sure its coming. It was an egg, I wouldn't laugh about it id be pissed off but it was a joke that he got wrong no need to be dramatic (seriously waiting for the argument that he could've seriously injured the op!!

Starlightstarbright1 · 27/02/2021 21:43

It sounds like he wasn't intending to hurt you, he has appologised.

I don't know what the argument has to do with it. I suspect this is bigger than the egg.

rawalpindithelabrador · 27/02/2021 21:44

What a cunty thing to do.

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