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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this is not ok?

88 replies

User3gg · 27/02/2021 21:25

Backstory - dp and I had a disagreement. Made up this morning, moving on.

Messing around in the kitchen, joking and I flicked water at him.

Sometime later he pulled me in for a cuddle, I laughed, said no you’re going to do something. He assured me not, pulled me in and smashed an egg on my head.

I reacted, sobbed and ran away to clean up.

He thinks I over reacted and insists it was a joke retaliation to my water flicking.

He has since apologised that it hurt (he had to smash it pretty hard) but won’t admit it was wrong to do it.

YABU - it was an egg, get over it
YANBU - this was not funny

OP posts:
MyLittleOrangutan · 27/02/2021 22:29

Not funny. Massively disrespectful. DH and I tease eachother and splash eachother and stuff all the time. Neither would ever consider doing something like that. I'd be fuming if DH did and I know he'd feel the same. It's just cruel.

Crimblecrumble1990 · 27/02/2021 22:36

I'd be so confused if my DH did this as I think it's a stupid thing to do to someone. And absolutely not on the same level as splashing water on someone. Maybe if you had poured a bucket of water over his head then it would be an equivalent but he took it way too far. I don't think I'd crack an egg over anyone's head ever??? Apart from my brother when we were kids maybe...

BenoneBeauty · 27/02/2021 22:54

YANBU - that's totally out of order. I'd be so upset and would actually struggle to get past it as it's very aggressive and seems to really be putting you in your place.

Grilledaubergines · 27/02/2021 23:00

What a waste of an egg. Based on the meal span of a chicken on here, that egg would have fed you three days.

EyeDrops · 27/02/2021 23:00

In the OP you said that when he pulled you in for a cuddle, you laughed and refused because you were expecting him to do something.

Can I ask what you were expecting? Because that suggests to me that some level of 'getting back' or practical joke retaliation is normal between you, and seen as just messing around. So I think how bad it is depends on your normal bar for these things.

nimbuscloud · 27/02/2021 23:06

20 minutes to wash an egg out of your hair?

ControvertialYeti · 27/02/2021 23:06

I would not like egg on my hair either, but it does sound like you were both playing practical jokes on each other. If this is a common thing I probably wouldn’t be too offended by it.
Was the argument relevant to eggs? For example were you arguing that you didn’t have enough eggs for breakfast, then he goes and wastes one on your head. In which case this is almost certainly a retaliation for that and quite childish.
Maybe if your relationship is one that has practical jokes in it, you could use this to set some ground rules about what is ok and what isn’t?

scrivette · 27/02/2021 23:10

That's awful, it must have hurt a lot too.

It takes ages to wash egg out of your hair as if you use hot water it 'cooks' the egg and it goes all clumpy.

I would not have been happy.

PickAChew · 27/02/2021 23:11

[quote Pillowcase123]@PickAChew you realise egg comes off in the shower right? It's not permanent.

Practical joke leads to practical joke. Personally, I think "sobbing" in reaction to a payback joke is massively over the top unless there has been physical harm. But that's just me![/quote]
I've been egged, in the past. It's a bloody long shower to get rid of it and not one I want in the middle of the day because some twat thought it would be entertaining.

Pebbledashery · 27/02/2021 23:11

Is this really happening.
Your relationship doesn't sound very grown up.
You started it and he retaliated.. Albeit extremely..
Someone will be along to say get your finances in order and change the locks and LTB shortly.

Truelymadlydeeplysomeonesmum · 27/02/2021 23:12

Obviously it was meant as a joke but that particular one is painful sometimes. So not ok by me.

2021isalsorubbish · 27/02/2021 23:18

Did you flick him with enough water that he would have to get changed or get a towel or get washed? It’s about proportion - if you drenched him then fine, but if it was a flick of water then causing you to have to get changed and showered etc is disproportionate. Plus not recognising that you are genuinely hurt, rather than chiding you for not being a good sport

allsayingthesamething · 27/02/2021 23:20

You both sound really annoying.

CityCommuter · 27/02/2021 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MintyMabel · 27/02/2021 23:27

It would probably make me laugh. I’d probably have done it back.

But, everyone is different, if it bothered you he should apologise.

imalmostthere · 27/02/2021 23:30

@Franpan

Exactly, on the practical joke leads to practical joke point. Flicking water is no big deal to you, so you do it. And an egg is no big deal to him, so he did it. He didn’t know that was where you would draw the line and get upset.
I agree with this 💯
SanFranBear · 27/02/2021 23:37

Well it's a strange thing to do but it could just be a case of flirting gone wrong

Just like when a boy hurts you in the playground its because he likes you? Or when he pulls your hair? Or he's only saying mean things because he really fancies you... boys will be boys after all Hmm

Sounds like there's more to this than possibly just retaliation and only you know, OP. But sentiments like the one above piss me off - whatever the reason, it wasn't because he couldn't express his love for you, that I can guarantee. Can't believe that's still trotted out as an excuse for mens poor behaviour....

PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 28/02/2021 00:47

@nanbread

He has apologised for hurting you but I don't think he did it maliciously so I'd be make it clear he's to do nothing like that again and tell him that if he can't see the difference between egg smashing and water flicking he's a dick, but then move on.
Yes
hardboiledeggs · 28/02/2021 09:28

He took it too far and should apologise.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 28/02/2021 09:38

@SanFranBear

Well it's a strange thing to do but it could just be a case of flirting gone wrong

Just like when a boy hurts you in the playground its because he likes you? Or when he pulls your hair? Or he's only saying mean things because he really fancies you... boys will be boys after all Hmm

Sounds like there's more to this than possibly just retaliation and only you know, OP. But sentiments like the one above piss me off - whatever the reason, it wasn't because he couldn't express his love for you, that I can guarantee. Can't believe that's still trotted out as an excuse for mens poor behaviour....

Not really no, I'd have said the same if it were the other way around. People do sometimes tease each other when they are flirting. Yes, he took the joke too far and it was a daft thing to do. Hopefully he has learned about boundaries and won't do anything of the sort again, but it was hardly a criminal offence......
Alienchannell21 · 28/02/2021 11:11

I think the fact that you feel it was a retaliation for the me earlier argument is the most important piece of information. You thought it had been forgotten and he potentially was holding a grudge??
I'd be very pissed of if my dh cracked an egg on, not least because I have very long hair that takes a long time to wash and blow dry. A bit of water can be wiped off in seconds. He needs to apologise imo.

ivfbeenbusy · 28/02/2021 11:18

You need to grow Up seriously! Running to mumsnet to tittle tattle like running to telling your mummy someone has teased you 🤷‍♀️

But since MN is overwhelmingly female and suspicious of men you'll get plenty of posts to LTB as he is an abuser 🤔🤷‍♀️

Rebelwithverysharpclaws · 28/02/2021 11:21

He is a bullying cunt.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 28/02/2021 11:23

I don't think you're being unreasonable as I would have been annoyed too. But I'm not sure it's assault territory or LTB territory. I think he got carried away. I remember one of my friends getting completely out of hand and dumping ice cream on another friend's suit over lunch at work once. It was a ridiculous escalation but it didn't make her a terrible person or introduce massive trust issues between them.

Lovelydiscusfish · 28/02/2021 11:32

I don’t mind a bit of physical mucking around, but if any of my partners past or present had smashed an egg over my head I would have considered it a) excessive and b) frankly weird, and I would not have been happy.

However, if he is otherwise a good guy and has said sorry, maybe give him the benefit of the doubt this time? But now you have made your feelings clear, if this type of behaviour continues/escalates, zero tolerance going forwards and time for a rethink, I would say.....

Hope you’re OK, OP. I understand why you are upset by this.

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