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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this is not ok?

88 replies

User3gg · 27/02/2021 21:25

Backstory - dp and I had a disagreement. Made up this morning, moving on.

Messing around in the kitchen, joking and I flicked water at him.

Sometime later he pulled me in for a cuddle, I laughed, said no you’re going to do something. He assured me not, pulled me in and smashed an egg on my head.

I reacted, sobbed and ran away to clean up.

He thinks I over reacted and insists it was a joke retaliation to my water flicking.

He has since apologised that it hurt (he had to smash it pretty hard) but won’t admit it was wrong to do it.

YABU - it was an egg, get over it
YANBU - this was not funny

OP posts:
Original poster
User3gg · 27/02/2021 21:44

Thanks for the comments and replies. Honestly, there is part of me does just want to get over it and forget it but I can’t. I think a few pp have mentioned why, it did feel like putting me in my place, the reassurance first felt like a betrayal of trust and the fact I can’t get through to him why it upset me is bothering me. He dried the water off, I had to go straight in the shower and scrub my hair for 20 mins.
If he’d just apologised, I probably would have accepted it was a mistake/misjudged joke but he’s digging his heels in that I’m in the wrong.
We quite often flick water if one us is washing up (as was this morning) and it’s never escalated in this way before.

OP posts:
nosyupnorth · 27/02/2021 21:45

The egg was definitely an over-escalation, he may have meant it as a joke but he went way too far and should apologise for that.

But running off sobbing does seem like a total overreaction and I can see how that would make it harder to take your complaint seriously.

Shnuffles · 27/02/2021 21:45

An egg is not the equivalent of an egg. I'd be really angry, OP. He'd suffer for a severe tongue-lashing for that and with any luck learn not to be such an arse again. I wouldn't be too quick to forgive and let it go, definitely not if he's still defending himself and saying that it was an acceptable level of retaliation.

TowandaForever · 27/02/2021 21:46

I would Imagine that hurt!

Eekay · 27/02/2021 21:46

I must be a princess then. I'd go absolutely nuts if my OH did that to me. Totally disproportionate reaction. It would have taken some force to break the egg also. Definitely not ok.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 27/02/2021 21:47

Well it's a strange thing to do but it could just be a case of flirting gone wrong.

I would probably give him the benefit of the doubt on this occasion. Having made it clear that you were eggstremely unimpressed with his behaviour I would be less inclined to forgive if he were to do something like this again.

Shnuffles · 27/02/2021 21:48

Argh! Typing while distracted. I meant that an egg is not the equivalent of a little water.

Janaih · 27/02/2021 21:49

Genuinely I would ltb. But I despise pranks of any sort.

Original poster
User3gg · 27/02/2021 21:49

Interesting that some of you have questioned why I mentioned the argument and I think that’s a really good point. I guess to to me, the egg felt like a retaliation to the earlier argument, rather than the water?
Maybe that’s why I’m questioning if it was a joke? Although I fail to see how something that hurts could be funny anyway.. but maybe he didn’t realise it was going to hurt?
Interesting to see opinions divided tho, I will give it some thought. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

OP posts:
1Morewineplease · 27/02/2021 21:54

Leave him then?
Or try to talk to him .
Your choice.

Original poster
User3gg · 27/02/2021 21:55

@Talkwhilstyouwalk

Well it's a strange thing to do but it could just be a case of flirting gone wrong.

I would probably give him the benefit of the doubt on this occasion. Having made it clear that you were eggstremely unimpressed with his behaviour I would be less inclined to forgive if he were to do something like this again.

Grin - I see what you did there!
OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 27/02/2021 21:55

I think he went too far. Not at all funny. But hopefully he knows that now and I would try to move on now as long as he seems actually sorry.

coffeeandjuice · 27/02/2021 21:56

Think it depends on the dynamics of your relationship; if it happened in mine it would be a real red flag something has gone pretty wrong. But do appreciate one couple's "this isn't ok" maybe someone else's horseplay

Lilyargin · 27/02/2021 21:58

I’d be annoyed at the waste of an egg. Just stupid.

CharlotteRose90 · 27/02/2021 21:59

It was a joke same as yours was a joke. Just tell him you didn’t find it funny and I’m sure he won’t do it again .

MuddleMoo · 27/02/2021 22:02

Also a waste of an egg

PPNC · 27/02/2021 22:05

I’d take that as a practical joke and laugh.

Depends what the undercurrent of your relationship is really! Is he an abusive wanker? Or a decent guy.

Decent guy and I think you overreacted

Undercurrent of arse you probably haven’t

Leeds2 · 27/02/2021 22:08

I would take it as a joke, but I would be pissed off at having to go and wash my hair.
Running off, sobbing, to me would be a complete over reaction.

Original poster
User3gg · 27/02/2021 22:10

@Testsareclear

I'd be upset at this. But regardless, YOU were upset and he seems to not want to acknowledge that. He needs to read 'mustbethistalltoride' about people doing this sort of thing in relationships. Absolutely not on.
Great recommendation. Thank you
OP posts:
VenusTiger · 27/02/2021 22:18

This is difficult without knowing your DP tbh - if my DH had done this, it would've simply been to make our son laugh or something - and then would've been an egg fight with the rest of the eggs - and lots of laughing.

Meredithgrey1 · 27/02/2021 22:19

I am so surprised so many people would think this was a reasonable joke!! I’ve re-read the OP about four times to make sure I’ve not totally misread it.
I’d be furious and genuinely really upset. I think that’s horrible!

SionnachGlic · 27/02/2021 22:27

I would be pissed off because I'd have to go shower & change my clothes but I wouldn't assume he'd intentionally hurt me...rather that he thought it was funny but, seeing I'm so pissed off, realises he is mistaken. If he'd never intentiinally hurt me then I'd be happy to let it go & would not be listening to escalating aggression & LTB stuff that you may find on here...

Ameliablue · 27/02/2021 22:28

The other thing about egging is it is often associated with a thing bullies do

SionnachGlic · 27/02/2021 22:28
  • intentionally...oops
AnotherKrampus · 27/02/2021 22:29

Personally, I think it is very much out of order and quite an escalation. Cracking an egg on someone's head really hurts, as it involves quite an impact. It's a bit like reacting to a gentle push with a punch.

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