Why are women so bitchy?

[BearingUp84]

For context - I'm a woman and I don't think I'm a bitch!

However there seems to be a group of school mums that seem intent on leaving me out of everything. I had no idea why. They meet up (pre covid obvs), have group chats etc. One of them can't even look me in the eye on the rare occasion she talks to me.

It's like the old adage, 2 company 3's a crowd. But it's when we're in a bigger group as well.

Why do some women just seem intent on leaving someone out? Constantly on the edges etc?

YABU - not all women are bitches
YANBU - these women are bitches, try make more friends

Just rah!

@MrBullinaChinaShop The context of your reply makes it very clear you didn’t read as far back to my original post. Lesson for you for next time, if you’re going to wade into something at least properly read back to the start, what you’re wading into first. My original post even said I hoped the person I was posting to didn’t fall into that category. Then I got piled on by someone else.

Its because we have vaginas

Have you never heard of penis envy? It burns us up inside.

Ok so there are two schools of thought here. Those who think you are letting the side down by saying some ( some!) women can be bitchy and excluding. And those who agree with you- the dynamics at the school gates can be less than sisterly. Your feelings are valid and based on experience. That’s good enough for me.

After hearing the tales of what goes on my my partners workplace... Men can be farrrr more “bitchy” than females.

demelza82
The thing is we don't actually know what these women have done to be deemed bitches.

Some people are unpleasant and toxic. They're best avoided. If this group of women are like that then the OP is better off finding people who are much nicer. If the group dynamic has changed due to someone more prone to gossip and drama then it's probably best to keep a distance too.

But there's nothing in the thread that says either of those things are the case. It's a 2.5 year friendship, a year of it has been spent in lockdown and she was saying before lockdown they had group chats and socialised without her. It could equally be that the OP is totally misreading the level of friendship and what she is viewing as a friendship where she is 'meant to be' included, is actually an acquaintance and other are close friends.

‘If you enter a room full of strangers. 30 peopke for example
Chances are:
10 will take an immediate liking to you
10 will be able to take you or leave you
10 will maybe take an instant dislike to you’

This is just crazy. If you walk into a room full of strangers, most of them won’t notice, remember or be able to describe you later to the police. Because most people aren’t playing some crazy hyper social game.

Most people at the school gates or anywhere else have got other stuff going on. You turn up at the school gates worrying if the dog is sick, if child b is falling behind, if you are going to get to work on time, paid that bill etc. You maybe have a couple of minutes to chat to a friend or two and then go. You are not scanning the area to make sure every person has been included in a conversation because you are not a guide leader running a group and it is not actually some social event.

School gate mums are a breed apart, and i agree, many of them are just bitches. Most are fine though and just pick up, nod, smile and leave.

I don't enjoy doing the nursery run so just drop and go. No hanging around talking to anyone.

I know plenty of men who are incredibly 'bitchy'. Probably a lot more men than women I know actually.

Maybe they just don't like you. It's ok not to like everyone. It doesn't make you a bitch!

Many have busy lives and just are not interested in making friends at the school gates. It is not anything personal OP.

School gate mums are a breed apart

They are quite literally just a variety of women, who deliver their children to school each day.

Loads of folk I avoid if possible in school vicinity as not interested in striking up conversation. Just there because I need to be. Been hurt in the past with friendships so it's easier to just not get involved, and I am sure that others feel similarly. They just end up being situational friendships anyway.

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

Warm and fluffy, no. But polite, yes. I've been a mum at the school gates for many years now and I've never seen men freeze other parents out of conversation. Men have plenty of their own faults but I do think that this is a trait that you see more in women.

You haven't seen it so therefore it doesn't exist? Interesting application of reasoning.

I have seen it, I have heard it. It happens.

Both men and women can be extremely petty, rude and unpleasant. It is very sexist to apply these traits as somehow part of the female psyche.

OP, I hear you. I cannot believe the faux ignorance on this thread, and I agree with other posters who have said these posters are likely to be the bitchy, school gate types themselves.

Women can be hard work, there’s no doubt about it. Very uptight and easily offended, as this thread has shown as look at the outcry because you used the word ‘bitchy’ I mean, who cares? It’s just a word and it’s an accurate word sometimes at that.

I’ve had so many people over the years say to me ‘people don’t like you because you’re pretty.’ In fact I had a friend tell me that about a friend of hers last week. This friend of hers is always funny with me on the few occasions I see her. I’ve tried to be warm and friendly, take an interest in her etc but she just throws me dirty looks and ignores me. My friend wants to organise a weekend away after Covid restrictions ease. She invited me and I asked who else was going, this friend was mentioned. I said ‘oh dunno if I’ll bother then tbh as XXX (her friend) is always funny with me and I’m not sure I can be arsed with a weekend of it. I think she doesn’t like me because I’m old friends with you and I dunno, maybe she sees me as a threat or something.’ (Her friendship with my friend is relatively new, a couple of years) she said, quite seriously ‘No Athena, XXX doesn’t like you because you’re prettier than her, she pretty much told me so.’ WTF?! We’re 32 FFS, grow up.

I see a poster on this thread suggested they might not like you because you’re prettier than them or have more money etc. They seemed to think these are valid reasons to be a C**t to someone.

Newsflash, they’re not. It’s not okay to be off/ abrupt/ rude or just plain nasty to someone because you think they’re more attractive, or successful, or skinnier or whatever. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to be unkind to someone for any of the above and I cannot fathom how people justify it, but they do, hence why I’ve been told my whole life ‘people don’t like you because you’re pretty.’ Ive had enough tbh, it’s NOT okay to treat someone like shit because of their looks.

OP, I would bow out of this group with class and grace, I wouldn’t ask them if you’ve done anything wrong etc, I’d just remove myself from the group and concentrate on making other friends. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this.

Well that was a major drip feed.

Op your op reads like this is just a group of school mums who you see being friends together and you yearn to be included so are jealous.

Now you’re saying you were all good friends and socialised together on a small group and they now exclude you. That’s very different. Why didn’t you write that in your op? “I was really good friends with a small number of school mums, we socialised together for years as a small intimate group now they exclude me.

Clearly something has occured for this to happen. No one, male or female has a close friend, that they socialised with, coffees, dinner etc, for nearly three years then they all suddenly exclude that person. Not for no reason.

It’s very odd that they were all so close to you then suddenly they cut you out, and you’ve no idea why and none of them will tell you. I’m not sure I’ve seen that before.

But it’s a very, very different thing to your op. That’s something has occured to make them remove you.

The whole thing is very odd, you even call them a “group of school mums” when actually you’re saying they aren’t that, they are your close friends who have dumped you.

Salt where did I say it never exists in men? I'm sure they are capable of this. But my experience is that it's a trait seen more frequently in women

OP, I would bow out of this group with class and grace

Please at least read the op if you can’t be arsed reading the thread, she can’t bow out, they have kicked her out. These were her close friends who have ended the friendship.

@HermitsLife

Its because we have vaginas

Have you never heard of penis envy? It burns us up inside.

🤣🤣🤣

Best post on the entire thread!

@Bluntness100, I have read the OP, and her subsequent replies. In one of them she states that she’s asked them what she’s done wrong, she said they said nothing. I wouldn’t bother asking them (again) for a reason/s why she’s been excluded, I would bow out. She’ll just appear needy and desperate and she won’t get the truth out of them anyway.

They're insecure. Leave them to it.

@Athenaena

OP, I hear you. I cannot believe the faux ignorance on this thread, and I agree with other posters who have said these posters are likely to be the bitchy, school gate types themselves.

Women can be hard work, there’s no doubt about it. Very uptight and easily offended, as this thread has shown as look at the outcry because you used the word ‘bitchy’ I mean, who cares? It’s just a word and it’s an accurate word sometimes at that.

I’ve had so many people over the years say to me ‘people don’t like you because you’re pretty.’ In fact I had a friend tell me that about a friend of hers last week. This friend of hers is always funny with me on the few occasions I see her. I’ve tried to be warm and friendly, take an interest in her etc but she just throws me dirty looks and ignores me. My friend wants to organise a weekend away after Covid restrictions ease. She invited me and I asked who else was going, this friend was mentioned. I said ‘oh dunno if I’ll bother then tbh as XXX (her friend) is always funny with me and I’m not sure I can be arsed with a weekend of it. I think she doesn’t like me because I’m old friends with you and I dunno, maybe she sees me as a threat or something.’ (Her friendship with my friend is relatively new, a couple of years) she said, quite seriously ‘No Athena, XXX doesn’t like you because you’re prettier than her, she pretty much told me so.’ WTF?! We’re 32 FFS, grow up.

I see a poster on this thread suggested they might not like you because you’re prettier than them or have more money etc. They seemed to think these are valid reasons to be a C**t to someone.

Newsflash, they’re not. It’s not okay to be off/ abrupt/ rude or just plain nasty to someone because you think they’re more attractive, or successful, or skinnier or whatever. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to be unkind to someone for any of the above and I cannot fathom how people justify it, but they do, hence why I’ve been told my whole life ‘people don’t like you because you’re pretty.’ Ive had enough tbh, it’s NOT okay to treat someone like shit because of their looks.

OP, I would bow out of this group with class and grace, I wouldn’t ask them if you’ve done anything wrong etc, I’d just remove myself from the group and concentrate on making other friends. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this.

Completely agree! Sadly most women are like this. And pretty women just have to accept it (society teaches us).

They def are bitchy. I temp am not included at lunchtime she sat with her back to me. Rude. School clicks shocking. Hard if you new to a group too. Thats just my experience. Women can be horrible.

@Susie477

Unfortunately, some women never mature beyond schoolgirl friendship dynamics when in all-female groups, which is why I have always preferred to work in places with a balanced mix of the sexes.

Ignore these mums and leave them to their juvenile games.

Susie477 Well said - you have absolutely hit the nail on the head! So wish I'd have known then what I know now.

File under how some women are often our own worst enemies ducks

If you hold the belief that ‘most women’ are jealous of your good looks then you’ll find plenty of evidence to support your theory. Doesn’t really explain the existence of all the very good looking women who get on just fine socially though.