Why are women so bitchy?

[BearingUp84]

For context - I'm a woman and I don't think I'm a bitch!

However there seems to be a group of school mums that seem intent on leaving me out of everything. I had no idea why. They meet up (pre covid obvs), have group chats etc. One of them can't even look me in the eye on the rare occasion she talks to me.

It's like the old adage, 2 company 3's a crowd. But it's when we're in a bigger group as well.

Why do some women just seem intent on leaving someone out? Constantly on the edges etc?

YABU - not all women are bitches
YANBU - these women are bitches, try make more friends

Just rah!

I've had this happen to me too op. The
Motherland comedy on bbc two , that was on last year , is a documentary in my book!
Rise above it all. They are honestly not worth your time. ( I know it's hard)
Chin up!

The one time the parents went quiet on me, DD was being a nasty bully and nobody dared tell me. Finally one lovely woman who was blunter than the rest blew up at me. I was appalled because I’d only been hearing DD’s side of the story. A few stern talks later and she started to behave. Are you sure your child/ren haven’t done anything?

“sigh

Why do people who make this observation invariably end up being accused of misogyny?

I've been reamed over this on an old thread and I'll be reamed here too, but I don't care, I'm saying it. Yes, SOME women are inherently bitchy. I'm sorry if that's an inconvenient truth for some people, but SOME women are. Just like SOME men are inherently obnoxious sexist creeps.”

@feistyoneyouare I agree with you.

It's a horrible feeling when you're transported back to high school bullying territory. I feel for you OP. And as an adult, I know that I am the only person who can let myself feel like that etc, but it's bloody hard not to!

I've come across some of these women before and my reaction is very much to keep my distance and let them get on with it. My mantra is that if people make me feel bad about myself then I don't want to be around them. Screw em! 😁

Oh op, I do feel for you.....though I don’t in any way want to wish away my kids’ childhoods I cannot wait for the school gates crap to be over! Have had kids at 3 different primary schools...first 2 were utterly lovely friendly places..you didn’t need to be mates to smile and chat (if time), new Mums always welcomed etc etc. 3rd one was a nasty shock to the system... so so very unfriendly, if you smiled at someone they treated you like a serial killer....luck of the draw I suppose but I do understand how unpleasant it is to be made to feel like such a leper. Obviously there’s not much you can do about it - I do find it quite sad that people don’t value the ability to be pleasant as a quality, though not yet there yet, society is heading towards becoming pretty meh.

Perhaps the person who can’t look you in the eye is by nature shy? Or going through something? Or just can’t cope with making time for another friend? They’re just not your people, find others.

I've literally never experienced "bitchy women". I like most other women, I can take or leave a few, and some I genuinely dislike for various reasons that are very individual to the women in question - but I've never experienced women being generically bitchy like a television stereotype. I think you're seeing what you expect to see instead of what's actually there.

I understand where you are coming from op. I had a similar situation. There was a group of mums at school and we used to do lots together, including trips away so I definitely was part of the group. I often initiated and organised our outings. I realised after a while that I was being pushed out of the group by one particular person. She actually verbally attacked me during one night out after she had had a few too many drinks and no-one stepped in. It was very upsetting at the time, but I soon realised that if the others were actually my friends they wouldn’t have allowed me to be pushed out or bullied like this. I certainly wouldn’t have stood by and let it happen to any of them.

This was several years ago and I haven’t seen the instigator since. A few of the group have been in touch individually and have kept in touch. Another organises coffee mornings (pre-COVID) and doesn’t invite me but other mums that weren't part of the original group made the effort to ensure I was included, and in any case I work now and wouldn’t be able to make it. I don’t hold a grudge but am much more wary of becoming close to any of them.

I generally find that I get along with most people so it was quite hurtful at the time. I married and had kids quite young so there was an age gap between us and with hindsight they probably just had more in common. I’m fortunate to have some lovely close friends so I tend to keep my distance from the school mums now and concentrate on them. This may seem harsh but if these people were your friends, they wouldn’t leave you out like this. I would distance yourself and move on. You deserve better.

@Wroxie you’ve either lived a very sheltered life/you’re abit naieve/you’re a people pleaser who desperately tries to morph or conform to fit with the people you’re with/you’re one of them. I hope for your sake it’s the first of those.

[quote Cccc1111]@Wroxie you’ve either lived a very sheltered life/you’re abit naieve/you’re a people pleaser who desperately tries to morph or conform to fit with the people you’re with/you’re one of them. I hope for your sake it’s the first of those.[/quote]
Rot.

There's a real 'in group' my kids school. Dc was new last year and they will not budge an inch to to be friendly. I've given up even smiling at people at the school gate.

It's their loss.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks aaaaww I hit a raw nerve with you. Aaaaaaw poor you

[quote Cccc1111]@MarieIVanArkleStinks aaaaww I hit a raw nerve with you. Aaaaaaw poor you[/quote]
And there, dear readers, a poster accurately displays what bitchiness looks like.

@MarieIVanArkleStinksnipe Wrong. I’m just someone who’s had a total gutful of bitchy women. And consequently has enough life experience to profile and confidently spot them a mile off. You can be as bitchy as you like, but it won’t affect me, I know what you are, so go take your silly little claws elsewhere.

@SnowdropsCrocuses

Women don't have shared personality traits, and bitchy is just a word used to tear women down for doing things men also do - but men aren't expected to be warm and fluffy and kind and everyone's friend This. YABU

Yup this.

Stop making it about women. Some people are like this.

To me the term "bitchy" is a person who talk nastily about other people behind their backs. I don't bad mouth people & I don't engage in these conversations. This makes people who are "bitchy" uncomfortable. Bitchy people are only comfortable with people who are the same as them. If they are toxic & gossipy then they don't want you in their group because your not like them you should take this as a huge compliment. Find a nice tribe 🙂

Who wants to be friends with people like that anyway. Personally I think their lives are so dull that they have nothing better to do. Or they are jealous of you. Hold your head high, smile sweetly and seriously don’t give a fuck!!! Xx

[quote Cccc1111]@MarieIVanArkleStinksnipe Wrong. I’m just someone who’s had a total gutful of bitchy women. And consequently has enough life experience to profile and confidently spot them a mile off. You can be as bitchy as you like, but it won’t affect me, I know what you are, so go take your silly little claws elsewhere.[/quote]
Says someone who has just written a spectacularly bitchy post.
Guess it takes one to know one.

@MrBullinaChinaShop aaaaaand a direct hit to another raw nerve....this post was always going to flush loads of the bitches out, they just keep coming....

yours is the only bitchy post I’ve seen on here. Talking of nerves

It's so difficult at times if you feel excluded, and many playgrounds have a group that for some reason like to put others down. ( More often than not the cliquey groups are usually all talking about each other too behind each other's backs!).

From experience just ignore, honestly some people are just not worth the energy and should have no space in your mind. Unpleasant people tend to be insecure or jealous deep down.

Talk to people you do like. And if you don't click with anyone just don't worry, it's not important enough. I've had occasions I've kept to myself at pick up time and it didn't bother me a bit.

Men can be equally gossipy and unpleasant about each other, office politics and power games amongst men can be particularly unpleasant at times. Men and women disagreeing online can be equally vile too at times.
Try hard to not let yourself brood over this, just carry on carrying on!

Hi OP

There are some hopelessly naive/'im alright Jack so it doesn't exist' responses to your post.

I'm fully feminist without supporting this type of self-sabotaging behaviour that you describe this group as exhibiting which is, sorry to say, an exclusively female trait.

There's a lot I could say from my own experience but needless to say you are best out of this situation, and the fact that you have the critical thinking skills to perceive them the way you have says a lot in your favour. If they would behave the way that you say to an 'outsider' then they would do it to one of their own group in a heartbeat. I know it's so unnecessary and you are in no way at fault for questioning it but in the long run and in ways you will never feasibly know, you're better off out of it.

I'm sorry you're going through this but you really will end up better off for it, they'll pass on their social dysfunction to their kids and model toxic friendship to them but you won't.