To ask nursery to cut their grapes into quarters?

[AliceTheCamelHasFiveHumps]

So, DD14m attends nursery.

They give fruit snacks out each day.

They cut grapes in half lengthwise. (I know this for gross reasons 😷)

I tend to do quarters for safety, as per advice.

AIBU to ask them to cut the grapes into quarters??? Or am I being precious 🥺😳

"True at 9 mine could bake cakes and prepare pasta meals from scratch. As I trusted them with sharp knives and boiling water, I think grapes were the last of their worries. They made it to adulthood unscathed and able to cook!"

Congratulations. Here's a medal for you 🏅 Cakes and "pasta meals" generally don't contain grapes though and this florist isn't preparing funeral orders for kids having choked on a lasagne is she? Well done on trying to make a mother feel shit about herself though.

"As a florist i have done funeral flowers of two children who have choked on grapes and none for any other type of choking. Why would you risk it?"

People are risking it because other women try to make them feel shit about their parenting being oh so blasé

I still half grapes for my 6-year-old! I'd do the same for my 19-year-old if I could!
OP, you are NOT unreasonable in the least.
When the kids were really small, I had a no-grapes policy for them at nursery. It sounds so official, a 'no grapes policy' but it was just a constant reminder via email and in-person: No grapes. Only grapes at home.

@HazeyJaneII

Grape threads on mumsnet always turn into one of those, 'I am considerably more laid back than you' type threads.

Whereas I think they always turn into people pretending levels of anxiety that are actually pretty damaging to children are just fine. I of course cut them for my toddler but there are people advocating doing it for children off to secondary school quite soon, and posts suggesting that grapes should be banned from sale?! This is not a normal or proportionate attitude to risk.

Sorry, I should have written I still halve grapes.
When it comes to parenting, OP, you do you and you do it unapologetically and without question. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. We spend years doing what others tell us what's right. Listen to your own voice first.

Grape threads on mumsnet always turn into one of those, 'I am considerably more laid back than you' type threads.

Yep. Grapes and porn bring out all the casual as fuck types. There's a Venn diagram for this... I'll work it out someday after several coffees.

I still cut them for my 10 year old and he can bake a cake and cook a pasta meal from scratch too, do I win?

A few years ago there was a discussion on the radio regarding grapes after a child had died and the medical expert said that really even adults should have them cut in half because it can happen at any age.

OP I would either check if they cut the bigger ones into the quarters(I imagine they do) or request dc doesn’t have them at nursery.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Lord I’m a bad parent, nearly 4 never cut my LOs grapes

Nor me! And my parents didn't for me either. God knows how we've survived tbh...

If you're seeing the halved grape in her nappy exactly as it went in then she isn't chewing them, so yes, it might be wise to hold off on the grapes until you know that she is. She doesn't need to have her molars to begin learning how to chew and this is something that you can begin to encourage at home.

I would definitely ask them to quarter them. I know it is better to be halved but quartered is even safer.

And for those saying they didn’t cut grapes, well you were lucky. Most people will be lucky but there will be those who aren’t. If you are looking after children in the future please cut the grapes lengthways. I personally know of 2 children who choked on grapes. One died, the other survived but ended up with severe brain damage. And the latter was 5 years old! Not a baby.

Always, always cut grapes.

Ask them. What's the worse that can happen? Show them the advice if needs be.

Even adults can choke on grapes. At our first aid refresher every year at work, we get told that ideally everyone should cut them in half before eating them.

I did realise recently that I was chopping sausages into pretty much round bits instead of strips and had been his whole life...
Then panicked myself, cut them into strips and he refused to eat them!!!

I choked on a grape as an adult involving heimlich manoeuvre etc . My children never had grapes because of this . Plenty of other choices of fruit.

It always amazes me how obsessive people are about cutting grapes, but totally blasé about other choking hazards (especially hot dogs/sausages). I cut grapes in half length wise, and I do the same with other choking hazards. But ultimately there are choking hazards everywhere, and the nursery could cut the grapes into a thousand pieces and the child choke on a conker in the garden or a toy in the playroom or something. So we can take precautions, but they have to be reasonable. We can't annihilate all risks completely.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Lord I’m a bad parent, nearly 4 never cut my LOs grapes

A good friend of mines niece choked on a whole grape at age 3 she’d been eating them like that since tiny no problems one day she just started to choke, she DIED 😢 honest to god she choked to death whilst her mum screamed and phoned an ambulance and tried and tried to dislodge it. She couldn’t be revived her mum lost the plot for over a year as you can imagine..my kids are 5 and 18 months both still have grapes cut into quarters or halves lengthways and will until possibly adulthood after that. Just cut the damn grapes and consider yourself blessed so far

@TheChippendenSpook

Even adults can choke on grapes. At our first aid refresher every year at work, we get told that ideally everyone should cut them in half before eating them.

Wouldn't it be a lot better to remind adults that they should chew their food and eat mindfully - which would help reduce the risk of choking on anything, not just grapes?

I used to cut them up but I have drilled my kids that they are choking hazards and need to be bitten in half before eating. I would go back to cutting up if they stopped biting them in half .

I would definitely contact the nursery.

I know people didn't cut grapes in the old day and most children were fine. But some aren't. Lenghtways is safer than the other way - as they are exactly toddler throat size but quarters is even safer.

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/feb/16/toddler-died-choking-grape-pizza-hut

Definitely worth raising it.

Well, I didn't even know this was a thing! Mind you, I hate grapes and always have so my mother probably didn't give them to me! Why not just give your child a banana instead - much easier?

I'd ask them not to give your child grapes at all. That would be the safest option.

@MagicSummer

Well, I didn't even know this was a thing! Mind you, I hate grapes and always have so my mother probably didn't give them to me! Why not just give your child a banana instead - much easier?

... because the nursery give out fruit snacks.... As said in my OP and response to another helpful PP....

I'm with you @onlyfools, I've had four kids, never cut a grape ever! didn't know I was supposed to.

I'm boggled! It never occurred to me to cut grapes for dd, or to peel them (or apples, pears etc). She could eat cherries removing the stones herself before she was 4. I also let her use proper scissors and small knives with close supervision (my MIL always hid the scissors when she was over babysitting). DD also ate real fish and learnt how to remove the whole skeleton, get the cheeks.... we once ate an eye each 'just to see' - not nice, don't recommend it

YANBU

Grapes and sausages you really have to be careful with.

Over the past 25 years I have heard of quite a few near misses.

I'm surprised a nursery would take the risk with so many other fruits to choose from.

I still remember when my toddler niece bit off the end an unpeeled banana. We looked at her, she was silently choking. A hard thump to the back saw it fly our her mouth, thank God. I dread to think what would have happened had she walked off with it and bit it off where wasn't seen, because she didn't make a sound.