Partner quit job.

[makeitalargeglass]

Help please, will try and keep this short.

I have to shield through nhs advice, have done since the pandemic started due to health conditions. Partner was working, work isolated him so he was working alone as they knew I had to shield.

His anxiety got bad so he was signed off work, he's now handed in his notice, I have money, and can afford to sustain my 3 children, and him and his 2 children. However I did ask for it to be short term.

Anyway, he's been off 2 weeks and spent every single day on the PlayStation all day. I'm talking from waking up to going to sleep, near enough 14 hours a day.

He's put the PlayStation in our bedroom, so I can't go to bed and watch something on the tv, i have spoken to him, it resulted in an argument, he said it helps his anxiety and stops him thinking about the outside world, i said I just wanted him to cut down on the hours.

AIBU? I really don't have a clue anymore and it's really bringing me down.

Tell him to go be anxious somewhere else. He’s basically taking the piss. OP, there are only a few situations which warrant immediate LTB action and a lazy, non contributing leech of a partner is one of them.

@sst1234

Tell him to go be anxious somewhere else. He’s basically taking the piss. OP, there are only a few situations which warrant immediate LTB action and a lazy, non contributing leech of a partner is one of them.

Thankyou, i do find your reply helpful as I know now I'm not being unreasonable.

However, me and my children are in his house, we moved to where he lives and I'm about to put an offer on a house for us all.

But with this recent behaviour, I just didn't know what to do, it's hard when it's you isn't it.

I was put on bed rest, still am suppose to be, and he still carried on doing what he was doing, then got in a mood with me for cleaning up. But if I didn't do it, or feed the kids it wouldn't have got done. His reply was I should have asked him to do it. But I'm not his mum, and didn't feel like I should ask him for the bare minimum.

This is so shit

Should also add...

Before this, he lied to me twice and I stupidly forgave him. He told me he had one baby mum, when it's actually 2 (which I wouldn't have cared about)

He also didn't tell me whilst we were talking and meeting up, his ex girlfriend was living at his house, (he told me they'd been together only a few months and it didn't work out) later when I moved in found out they were together a year through an anniversary thing I found when I was putting stuff away.

I do feel like the worlds biggest mug.

Enormous red flags.

Withdraw your offer on the house, and find something just for you and your children.

Ok don’t put the offer in on that house. Fuck that.

Find a smaller house that just fits you and your children, and make an offer on that one.

Leave him. He’s awful.

Find a house for just you and your kids. Move out. Forget he existed.

In one hand you want to be sympathetic to your partner if they are having a mental health crisis

On the other, he's playing PlayStation 15 hours a day, has given up his job and does little around the house? And he has children too? Not just your stepdad type figure to yours ?

You don't get to dip out of responsibility/life as a parent

Don't buy a house with him
Firstly he can't afford a mortgage now he isn't working
Secondly he's lazy - doing nothing about fixing his mental health , PS4 isn't a constructive well-being recovery plan - it's a "relive being a teen boy at parents house again instead of adulting"

Sorry I meant 14 hours not 15
And I know he isn't at his parents house, he's at his but he's acting like he is another child in the house - you're not his parent - he has to clean/ shop/ sort out kids and do stuff too

dont buy that house!!! get one for yourselves and the kids! leave the bastard - he will never change, or if he does it will be temp!

It’s a positive that you’ve seen his true colours before you bought the house. Do not buy that house. Sort out your own finances, find a place to live and leave. You can do so much better.

I think you should thank your lucky stars you've seen the light now before you bought a place with this guy.
Your kids deserve better. You deserve better.

Find a man, not a (lying, probably cheating) child.

LTB - look after you and your own kids and get the hell out.
Like someone else said - it's a blessing you have seen this now. It's not your responsibility to look after him and his children.
Get your ducks in a row and go!
This will remain your life if you don't.

@Sparticuscaticus

In one hand you want to be sympathetic to your partner if they are having a mental health crisis

On the other, he's playing PlayStation 15 hours a day, has given up his job and does little around the house? And he has children too? Not just your stepdad type figure to yours ?

You don't get to dip out of responsibility/life as a parent

Don't buy a house with him
Firstly he can't afford a mortgage now he isn't working
Secondly he's lazy - doing nothing about fixing his mental health , PS4 isn't a constructive well-being recovery plan - it's a "relive being a teen boy at parents house again instead of adulting"

That's my problem, it's the mental health issues that make me feel I'm being unreasonable.

I have 3 children that live with us, and he has 2 children that live with each of the mothers.

Gosh OP, I don't usually jump on the LTB bandwagon but he sounds like a lot of work. Unless he has major redeeming qualities, I would look for a house only for you and the children. I couldn't put up with all or even any, of that.

I was in a very abusive relationship for 10 years, he's the father of my children. It was abusive in every single way, I left 3 years ago and haven't been near a man since I met DP.

He was really loving at the start, constantly cuddling me, kissing me etc, and it was so unusual for me, he made me feel special, and was amazing with my children. Since I've moved here, it's all changed.

He wants me to tell him to do jobs, but says he doesn't like being nagged, he tells me to tell him how I'm feeling, but if I do it turns awful and I get the silent treatment, if I do anything around the house I get told off and told I'm not looking after myself because I'm suppose to be on bed rest.

I just can't win.

Agree with pp’s. Ltb and keep the house for you and your kids.

It sounds like you are better off without him.

I think I'd drop that PS from a very great height out of the bedroom window. ....Kidding - not kidding!

Seriously, you're on bed rest and so he moves the bloody thing in there - shows what he thinks of you doesn't it.

And I agree with what everyone else has said - he's using you for an easy life - don't let him.

Thankyou for all the replies, I was starting to think I was being unreasonable, constantly questioning myself, my kids adore him, which makes me sadder that they've built a relationship with him, and I have to take that away. This is why I'm finding it extremely hard.

Just no. You’re not married and he is a cocklodger who has repeatedly lied to you. Your money should be spent on your life with your children and not on him.

His mental health problem is that he’s a lazy cocklodger
Don’t let his mental health problems become yours
Don’t buy a house with him
Buy one for yourself and your kids

@PopcornPeacock

I think I'd drop that PS from a very great height out of the bedroom window. ....Kidding - not kidding!

Seriously, you're on bed rest and so he moves the bloody thing in there - shows what he thinks of you doesn't it.

And I agree with what everyone else has said - he's using you for an easy life - don't let him.

Believe me... I've had that thought so many times. I would love for it to break, just to see what happens when he couldn't go on it anymore.

I'm sat downstairs after cleaning up after tea, and he's just said what's the matter somethings wrong, I said nothing as I can't do with the argument.

I’m going to differ a little. It’s only been two weeks, and he’s struggling mentally. I think you’re out and you e had enough and that’s it, but I can’t say if this was my husband I’d be out after two weeks of playing the play station all day.

If he had mental health issues he could stay off work on the sick no?
Why did he choose to quit?

I’m afraid he doesn’t get to fanny about with which parts of life he can’t be arsed with.

And that includes choosing to be silent when he can’t be arsed with you asking him to contribute to or participate in family life.

You say you can’t win?

You won’t with him, but ye’ll be grand by yourself.

@Bluntness100

I’m going to differ a little. It’s only been two weeks, and he’s struggling mentally. I think you’re out and you e had enough and that’s it, but I can’t say if this was my husband I’d be out after two weeks of playing the play station all day.

What would you do In this situation? I'm the one who called the doctors to get him but on medication, I've been patient with him, giving him hugs, telling him I'm here if he needs me, calming him down when he's panicking.

When his children come, I look after them and he stays upstairs. I just don't know what to do.