Partner quit job.

[makeitalargeglass]

Help please, will try and keep this short.

I have to shield through nhs advice, have done since the pandemic started due to health conditions. Partner was working, work isolated him so he was working alone as they knew I had to shield.

His anxiety got bad so he was signed off work, he's now handed in his notice, I have money, and can afford to sustain my 3 children, and him and his 2 children. However I did ask for it to be short term.

Anyway, he's been off 2 weeks and spent every single day on the PlayStation all day. I'm talking from waking up to going to sleep, near enough 14 hours a day.

He's put the PlayStation in our bedroom, so I can't go to bed and watch something on the tv, i have spoken to him, it resulted in an argument, he said it helps his anxiety and stops him thinking about the outside world, i said I just wanted him to cut down on the hours.

AIBU? I really don't have a clue anymore and it's really bringing me down.

Be warned, when he realises he is going to have to support himself, he will probBly start either a charm offensive, or go the other way and become angry, difficult and aggressive. Be prepared for either.

In your situation, OP, I think I'd just quietly make plans to move you and the children out and then let him know when everything's organised and you're ready to move to your new home. You've tried hard enough to have a conversation with him about his behaviour and he's ignored you over and over again. You don't owe him anything.

Jesus Christ, he asks you to run him a bath and bring him food on a tray?! Why???

That's insane.

Leave now. Remove your children from this pathetic man.

He’s using his mental health issues as a way to escape responsibility because he has found someone who is willing to support him financially and emotionally . You even take care of his kids when they come to your home. He has got it made
He could have taken sick leave, but decided to quit his job during a bloody pandemic .
Do not buy a house with this man

@PumpkinPieAlibi

I'm going to differ here. My DP and I have been together a long time and he is a very hard worker. He started working as a network engineer straight out of university where he did an engineering degree. His parents didn't have the money for him to board at uni so he would get up at 4 and take 4 buses/taxis to get to class and another 4 to return home everyday. And he worked a weekend job too. Then when he started working, he had a very similar commute, even after buying a car. So he was commuting 3-4 hrs everyday in addition to working an 8-hr day. His responsibilities on the job kept increasing and he's now in charge of all networking for a 400+ company.

BUT last December, it all became too much. He essentially had a breakdown. Stopped eating, sleeping, showering and working out which he normally does every single day and all he would do was sit in his office and play video games. He wouldn't watch a movie or work out which he ised to love or leave the house. Thankfully, he was on vacation and was able to do isolate himself. The guy who would drive me everywhere (I don't drive yet) and help me cook and play with our pets and laugh with me just disappeared.

He has since been diagnosed with both chronic and major depression, as well as anxiety. It's been 2 months and he is only now back at work and he still isn't fully himself. These things take time and it can turn an industrious, loving, funny person into an isolated, lethargic shell.

I would suggest giving him a little time and understanding and in a week or so, insist he signs up for therapy or speak to his GP about ADs. In the meantime, it would be nice if he has the PS in another room, not the bedroom as that isn't fair to you. Two weeks is early days. Don't judge him totally on this low period (just yet).

Your situation is different. You have been with your dp a long time and you know what he is capable of In the Op’s case, she has been with this man for a relatively short time and it is obvious that Op’s boundaries are skewed. She should not give this man any more headspace

OP be careful what he might do when he realizes he’s losing his meal ticket.
It would be hard but best would be if you could break up and move out with your children before you get the new house.

That way there’s no risk of him getting into it.

Try it, even if Airbnb.

I've decided I'm not going to tell him, I'm just going to do it. Submitted the offer today, and will hear back by end of day estate agent said.

I want to do this secretly so as not to affect the children, he doesn't know about me putting an offer down, and if it all gets too much for me and my kids, his mum has told me I can stay with her.

So it's all sorted, and honestly I feel so much better, it's been really messing my head up, because he always says I'm overreacting or nagging him etc, and it feels nice to know it's not me.

Thankyou again

well done OP 🌺 good luck with the offer 🎉

OP,

Why are you putting in an offer near him, where he lives?

Why aren't you moving away from him?
Is this a good idea?.

Do you want him to harass him when you leave?
You are obviously a bit of a meal ticket for him and he lied long enough to get youto move in an use you.

Please get your children away from him.

They desperately need stability in their lives.

You sound like a nice woman who is far too tolerant and that tolerance has resulted in you moving in with a liar and a complete waster.

Your children deserve and need better.

@billy1966

OP,

Why are you putting in an offer near him, where he lives?

Why aren't you moving away from him?
Is this a good idea?.

Do you want him to harass him when you leave?
You are obviously a bit of a meal ticket for him and he lied long enough to get youto move in an use you.

Please get your children away from him.

They desperately need stability in their lives.

You sound like a nice woman who is far too tolerant and that tolerance has resulted in you moving in with a liar and a complete waster.

Your children deserve and need better.

It's in a different area, not his area.

He won't harass me, I've been told today, one women finishes with him and he's straight away onto the next one.

So I really don't have any worry about ever seeing him again.

I'm packing my stuff and going to him mind tomorrow, I can't cope being In the house with him anymore.

Thanks all

Going to his mum’s tomorrow?

Good luck OP

Good luck and best wishes for your move. You've had an awful time and deserve better for yourself than to be a dogsbody to this dead weight. You can't live like that; you have no option but to move. You have the strength and the means to do it, thank goodness.

Once you move you will find peace of mind and a life worth having, with you and your children in your own house.

@altiara

Going to his mum’s tomorrow?

Good luck OP

Yes sorry didn't realise the spelling error

The very best of luck to you and your children.

Stay safe and strong.

I am really impressed that you've listened to the advice you've been given on MN, and are acting on it. It shows what a strong woman you are. Good luck with your new house, and for the future. You DESERVE it!