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Original poster

Would you look down on someone who lives in a flat?

134 replies

Hattych · 24/02/2021 14:44

We live in a flat in South London and could never, ever afford a house (short of winning the lottery). DC goes to private school and while the vast majority of parents are very nice there are some who make it clear they aren't bothered talking to me and id stretch to say that one clearly doesn't like me. I don't think I'm imagining it's happening and that it's happening because we are less well off.

Would you look down on someone who lives in a flat? Would you be happy to go around to their home? (when we can obviously!)

OP posts:
AlowYew · 24/02/2021 16:36

Absolutely not

AnnieKN · 24/02/2021 16:39

A slight aside - I went to private school and lived in an enormous house growing up with very wealthy parents.

People were horrible to my Mum because my parents weren’t married (this was in the 80s). She knows this is why they were horrible to her because they made endless pointed comments.

Which just goes to show - some people are just wankers and will always find something to be horrible about Hmm

partyatthepalace · 24/02/2021 16:44

No, and it's quite common in London.

I would cultivate an air of being international and sophisticated and environmentally conscious whilst thinking that English obsessions like gardening and porches and big kitchens are really VERY DULL AND MUMSY Grin

The parents in question might just be rude / rude and cliquey / or snotty about money, but if the latter then it would probably apply as much to a small house etc as a flat. Anyway they are twats so ignore them back / practice your pitying smile as you pass them.

LunaHeather · 24/02/2021 16:44

OP

I have a former friend who turned out to be a snob

The first time she visited my flat, I could sense her horror.

Hilariously, she looked at the Argos chair in the bedroom and said "is that an antique? Why don't you keep it in the main room so people can see it?" The main room being tiny but my ancient sofa probably horrified her. Her face when I told her the chair was from Argos 😂😂

These people do exist. I say ditch them.

okstretch · 24/02/2021 16:45

I'm old and have never lived in a house, only ever flats. I grew up in a council flat, have rented flats and now own a rather lovely one.

If anyone looked down on me for it I'd think they were odd.

PattyPan · 24/02/2021 16:45

Not at all. I actually think people who pave/AstroTurf their gardens because they don’t have the time or inclination to maintain a garden should live in flats instead. They need to build more 3 bedroom flats though because most of them around here are 1 or 2 bedroom and aren’t really big enough for most families.

ShyTown · 24/02/2021 16:46

Sorry you’re experiencing this. My DD goes to a private school in SW London and at least 2 of her classmates live in flats. The rest I don’t actually know their living situation because of the limited the opportunities for play dates this year and also it’s not something that really comes up as part of school gate chit chat because no one normal actually gives a crap. I also know lots of people in London that could easily afford to live in a house but have chosen a flat instead, often at a greater expense, because they like the amenities of the building, views from being on a high floor etc. I don’t think you can determine anything from the fact that someone lives in flat.

PattyPan · 24/02/2021 16:48

I just remembered a girl I met at uni who claimed she wasn’t posh because she lived above a shop. I pointed out it was in Kensington, probably worth £1m and she went to private school. Definitely posh!

Eskarina1 · 24/02/2021 16:52

No but I reserve the right to look down on people who think they are better than someone else just because they own a bigger property.

NettleTea · 24/02/2021 16:56

my boys at private school and we live in a council house (proper HA rented, not bought - boy has bursary/scholarships)

some of his friends are super actual duper rich. None of the friends have said anything. Although one girl in his class was in absolute shock and took pity on him as thought there must have been some sort of terrible tragedy befall us to be here. I did suggest he made up a fantastical story of disaster and bravery, but he wasnt keen

PinotNoisette · 24/02/2021 16:59

I wouldn't look down on anyone because of where they live. They might be very happy there. Equally, they might be unhappy but have no other option, in which case judging them for it would be cruel.

Incidentally, one flat I rented in London recently sold for nearly three times the price of my 4-bed house in SE England. Not all flats are created equal.

naptune · 24/02/2021 17:09

No because I live in a council high rise😂

Heyahun · 24/02/2021 17:11

No. Also I do live in a flat. And I’ve never experienced anyone looking down on me. I live in quite a nice expensive area of London and most people I know live in flats because of how expensive a full house would be?

If someone did look down on me for this I’d actually be quite amused tbh and i really don’t think I’d care nor would they be the kind of person I’d want to be friends with anyway

MistakenAgain · 24/02/2021 17:25

Not at all. People live in a variety of homes. No bearing whatsoever. If you live in a house its a novelty to visit a flat and vice versa.

MistakenAgain · 24/02/2021 17:27

^I live in a shared ownership flat. Friends always ask if I know my neighbours and I am like...not really!

onlychildandhamster · 24/02/2021 17:28

@Hattych I live in a flat too in north london and DH who went to a faith school in London that had a lot of rich kids tells me that the richer kids actually lived in flats in Marylebone and Knightsbridge and Chelsea...the poorer kids (not actually poor but yeah from more working class backgrounds) lived in houses in Edgware and Borehamwood...Which is why he doesn't see anything wrong with living in flats.

I own a 2 bed flat but plan on getting a 3 bed flat (if I need more space which is likely) and educating privately. There are so many things that you can look down on someone from- if it wasn't your flat, it may be your shoes, your coat or your holidays... I know people who look down on women who don't carry designer handbags but that doesn't mean that any woman who can afford it should rush out to buy a Chanel...

MistakenAgain · 24/02/2021 17:30

Also agree it is common in London.

Pretend you know your neighbours and its like being in Friends Grin, nice plants, arty walls, cosmopolitan living etc. Grin

MumofSpud · 24/02/2021 17:46

I know a couple who have 2 children ( a boy and a girl) - and live in a 2 bedroom flat with both their DC going to private schools. The flat is v nice but v small (no outside space).
I may wonder why they have chosen this way but it's not my business and I certainly wouldn't dislike them for it!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 24/02/2021 18:28

I'd be very surprised that you can afford private school (very expensive in S london) but think you won't ever be able to afford any house, anywhere.

The £15k a year you have spare to pay the school fees makes a £75k deposit in 5 years, presumably you are earning at least £80k between you to have that spare post tax, you are not far off affording 500k. There are plenty of houses you can buy for that in south London.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 24/02/2021 18:28

But either way no I wouldnt judge - its your choice

PhatPhanny · 24/02/2021 18:41

A home is a home, mansion or box, I'd never look down on someone for where they lived.

But unfortunately, some people would, and you just have to take it on the chin.

AlbaAlba · 24/02/2021 18:54

I think you should take it as a useful filterer of potential friends. If they're idiotic enough to care about where you live, you wouldn't want them as friends anyway. If you'd been obviously rich you wouldn't have known what complete idiots they are for years.

We're scruffy, non-showy, and live in a house that doesn't look much, and DS was ditched by a friend as a result (or rather, this was clearly led by the friend's snobby parent). When it later became evident that we had far more money than they'd assumed, and my DS became 'desirable' again, this social climbing mother sent her DS to make friends patch things up. It was hilarious.

It's like a nice red flag for idiots.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 24/02/2021 19:06

I'm not in the uk, but I am in a big city, in a posh part of town and I, and everyone I know lives in a flat. So no, I wouldn't look down on you.

When I was growing up, I went to private school and lived in a 4 bed house in a very much not posh part of town, and loads of the kids looked down on me. It was awful. For that reason alone, I'd never look down on anyone for where they lived.

GreenWillow · 24/02/2021 19:07

I wouldn’t judge you from a class/money POV.

I would think it a bit ‘all fur coat and no knickers’ though.

I’d always prioritise a house/garden over privately educating my DC.

Each to their own though.

OlympicProcrastinator · 24/02/2021 19:18

I love a flat with a balcony. We are actively going to choose to live in one when the DC leave home. I just prefer it to a house with a garden if it’s just the two of us.

I didn’t think for a minute until this thread anyone would judge us for it.

Then again, I’ve learned from MN that people will judge you all the way from not having a bin in your bathroom to wearing your hair long past 40 and as it happens, I couldn’t give a monkey to what anyone else thinks and nor should you. It’s very freeing I promise Smile