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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you look down on someone who lives in a flat?

134 replies

Hattych · 24/02/2021 14:44

We live in a flat in South London and could never, ever afford a house (short of winning the lottery). DC goes to private school and while the vast majority of parents are very nice there are some who make it clear they aren't bothered talking to me and id stretch to say that one clearly doesn't like me. I don't think I'm imagining it's happening and that it's happening because we are less well off.

Would you look down on someone who lives in a flat? Would you be happy to go around to their home? (when we can obviously!)

OP posts:
shinynewapple21 · 24/02/2021 15:56

No I wouldn't look down on someone for where they lived , but my life is a different environment to the one you are describing .
We live in ex council semi and DS went to local school, so there was a mixture with some families in council accommodation, a few in detached houses, most in private semi's. A few families struggling but most what I'd call average or a bit below economic wise .

Aprilx · 24/02/2021 15:58

It is normal to live in flats in London and I don’t believe anyone would be surprised to come across someone that does. I am not sure how people you have never spoken to would know where you live so I suspect you are imagining this. Not everybody you will come across is going to make friends with you.

notalwaysalondoner · 24/02/2021 16:03

No - I lived in a flat until a month ago, in London a lot of very wealthy people including with DCs live in flats as the property market is nuts and it's often a direct choice between nice area/flat or less nice area/house. People would judge you for living in a less nice area so it's a no-win situation...

MintyMabel · 24/02/2021 16:05

People look down on me and I live in a decent sized house.

I couldn’t give a shit what they think.

Tiletiletile1 · 24/02/2021 16:08

I doubt someone doesn’t like you because you live in a flat!

Especially since I’m sure most of them are aware that - in London - a lot of people can only afford to own a house or send their children to private school because they had financial help.

Some people earn the big bucks but, in London, the people who own houses (in my experience) seem to have had a large deposit from the Bank of Mum and Dad.

7ofNine · 24/02/2021 16:09

I live in a flat, and I'm the most superior person I know.
My children were also educated in fee-paying schools, and plenty of those families lived in flats.

Ellpellwood · 24/02/2021 16:09

I personally don't think this but I should imagine the "wondering" over flat/private school is that people who live in say a detached/semi detached house with garden can't fathom £130k on 13 years of fees going to schooling and not a house deposit.

I have a friend who rents and has 3 in private who gets similar comments.

shinynewapple21 · 24/02/2021 16:09

@vcrees6 there are many, many people who don't have more than the basic essentials in their home . I would never look down on someone that was in that position . I may find it strange that they had chosen to send their child to private school if their finances were that stretched , but maybe the child was really struggling in their local school so they had to prioritise their Finances because of this .

LilMidge01 · 24/02/2021 16:12

I live in a flat...I look down on others because I'm on the top floor

All jokes aside...why would anyone judge you for living in a flat in LONDON? I'm a Londoner born and bred and know of very few friends I grew up with who lived in houses, almost noone did! But then again, I didn't go to private school

Sahm101 · 24/02/2021 16:13

I wouldn't care op. We have 2 in private schooling and live in a very affluent area. I couldn't care who lives where. I have been through so much trauma and pain in my life that these material, shallow things just don't bother me. If you and your DC are good, kind people then that's all I care to know. If friend drop you because you live in a flat, then pity them for being so far from knowing what's important in life.
I have had people wanting to befriend us once they know where we live and what we do - I can't stand superficial people like these. Don't let these types bother you or bring you down. I'm sure you have a happy home and your DC are well cared for - why should anyone care if your rent your home or live in a flat.

Tal45 · 24/02/2021 16:13

Your flat is probably worth more than most peoples houses (outside London)! I wouldn't want to live in a London flat because I'd ideally live in a detached house away from anyone else in the countryside, but I wouldn't not be friends with someone because they lived in a flat, my OH grew up in a flat in London, it's very normal in a city.

shinynewapple21 · 24/02/2021 16:19

@Bluesheep8

I might wonder why they live in a flat and choose private school.

Why on earth might you wonder about that? I don't understand.

@Bluesheep8 it wouldn't be a normal choice to make where I live as flats / apartments are most definitely cheaper accommodation than a house . We also have a choice of good state schools so for someone who lived in a flat to send their DC to private school would be unusual .

Well aware that things are different in other places though

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 24/02/2021 16:19

They might look down on you because of class or money, but it’s not because you live in a flat. Some of the wealthiest people in London live in flats—Eaton Square is flats. Many central London flats have five bedrooms and cost in the multiples of millions.

CoffeeRunner · 24/02/2021 16:19

@KarensChoppyBob

Fuck no. But I would look down on people who looked down on people living in flats.
Exactly.

I like flats. We live in a house now because we have 3 DCs and just needed the space, but lived in a flat previously.

I’m not a gardener, I like stuff being all on one level & flats are generally lower maintenance than houses (although I’ve only lived in purpose built flats, never an old converted house).

I would happily move to a flat again later on when the DCs have left home.

CoffeeRunner · 24/02/2021 16:20

Besides which - have you seen the price of some of the flats being built these days?

A smaller home isn’t necessarily an indication of wealth or lack of.

Camomila · 24/02/2021 16:22

The girl in the (bog standard) flat above us goes to private school - and we're not even in London. Its probably not that unusual, her parents are probably living in a flat so they can pay for her school!

midsomermurderess · 24/02/2021 16:27

I could make similar observations about your SPAG, but that would be rather unkind, wouldn't it?

midsomermurderess · 24/02/2021 16:28

Oops, wrong thread. I was looking for the one about fat, lazy people.

LeSquigh · 24/02/2021 16:28

@DPotter the “flats” in Kensington Palace are apartments and whilst we often use those two words to mean the same thing those apartments are most definitely not flats as we know them, they are floors and floors of rooms with multiple bedrooms.

VanillaAndOrange · 24/02/2021 16:29

Definitely no! I rather envy people who live in flats, and would probably get one if I was on my own.

FedNlanders · 24/02/2021 16:29

Not at all.

midsomermurderess · 24/02/2021 16:31

You'd be sneering at a heck of a lot of Scots who live in, oh the horror, tenements.

Icantrememebrtheartist · 24/02/2021 16:32

No I wouldn’t not at all.

But if you mentioned you couldn’t afford to move I would wonder why you’re sending your child to private school, unless you live in an area where the state schools are dreadful.

One of my children attended a nursery attached to a private school. The nursery was brilliant because most of the children went on to the school so they really got them ready to start school BUT the snobbery amongst the parents was dreadful. If you didn’t own a Range Rover or some other big thing and didn’t live in certain roads you were ‘overlooked’.

HOkieCOkie · 24/02/2021 16:34

Most ppl in London live in flats lol 😂

AnnieKN · 24/02/2021 16:35

We live in a large garden flat in London - my kids go to state school but there are a couple of Mums who have sneered openly when they hear we live in a flat.

Ironically they are women who only live in big houses because they married rich men, it is no achievement of theirs so it seems even odder that they see themselves as superior because of it.