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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you look down on someone who lives in a flat?

134 replies

Hattych · 24/02/2021 14:44

We live in a flat in South London and could never, ever afford a house (short of winning the lottery). DC goes to private school and while the vast majority of parents are very nice there are some who make it clear they aren't bothered talking to me and id stretch to say that one clearly doesn't like me. I don't think I'm imagining it's happening and that it's happening because we are less well off.

Would you look down on someone who lives in a flat? Would you be happy to go around to their home? (when we can obviously!)

OP posts:

RickJames · 24/02/2021 15:23

Absolutely not!

And I love flats personally. I've rented some lovely ones over the years.

Frequentflier · 24/02/2021 15:27

@raskolnikova

It's such an arbitrary reason to look down on someone, I don't understand why anyone would.

There again, I've read various posts on here that comment disapprovingly that someone rents, rather than owns, their house. I also find that kind of snobbery hard to understand.

Lol am also a renter. Clearly at the very bottom of the totem pole in all respects. When you are as old and tired as I am, you cease caring.

littlepandawantstoplay · 24/02/2021 15:28

Most people live in flats in London and believe it or not, even the wealthy ones except they probably call it apartments 🙄 I'm not sure why you care if they like you or not? So what if they look down on you, they will look down on anyone and it's a waste of energy to even let it get to you. I will look down on them back to see how miserable they are with all that money that hasn't bought them any inner happiness. And yes, I will go and visit a friend who lives in a flat.

Original poster

Hattych · 24/02/2021 15:29

@Bluntness100 I definitely don't have any proof that this is why they don't like me. But I would say they definitely talk to me in a very condesending way

OP posts:

Elbels · 24/02/2021 15:31

No of course not.

But then I say that as someone who did manage to buy (admittedly very small house) in London but would never be able to send children to a private school unless I won the lottery!

Original poster

Hattych · 24/02/2021 15:31

Thanks everyone for all the replies. I feel slightly silly for letting it get to me, as I do love our home. I think it's a combination of being slightly hormonal and nervous about bumping into this person at the school gate!

OP posts:

clipcloptrop · 24/02/2021 15:31

How do they know that you live in a flat if they don't talk to you??

No I wouldn't look down on someone living in a flat. Not my business.

readingismycardio · 24/02/2021 15:32

We don't live in the UK. We live in a 3 bed flat, 2 baths, 1 dressing room and a huge terrace. All in all, plenty of space, definitely. I never wanted the responsibility of caring for a garden, I wanted the view (6th floor) and the terrace is more than enough to have coffee/wine, enjoy the sun, read, etc. I'd never look down to anyone living in a flat.

DianaT1969 · 24/02/2021 15:34

How do new parents you meet at school know that you live in a flat?
How does that come up in early conversation?
People general form an opinion very early in meeting - as to whether or not they feel comfortable and have shared interests. That difficult to describe easy connection.
If they met you, liked you and two months later drop you after their child had been to your home, then you're justified in thinking it.
Did you really like any of these parents that you feel look down on you? I doubt it.

vcrees6 · 24/02/2021 15:35

Hmmm I think it depends. I have been to someone's house (not a flat) who attends private school who did not have any furniture bar a single sofa, a TV, an ikea kids play table, a ton of toys in an old travel cot and a table and a few folding chairs to eat. I have to admit I did judge them and thought I would not have much in common with someone who didn't have any more than the bare essentials in their house.

However if I really liked and got on with someone, or my child did with their child, it doesn't really matter where they lived.

From my experience though, unless it's a nice mansion flat, people will consider you poorer. Whether that bothers them or not is a different matter.

Original poster

Hattych · 24/02/2021 15:36

@littlepandawantstoplay - you are right it's a total waste of time and I really shouldn't care at all. I honestly don't know why I care, because I wouldn't want a house to be friends with this person!

OP posts:

BirthChoice · 24/02/2021 15:36

I wouldn’t judge someone for living in a flat but I would wonder why as it’s a bit of an odd choice in these parts - rural south west! The only flats that I really know of locally would be retirement flats. A starter home here would be a small house.

I thought everyone other than millionaires lived in flats in London

littlepandawantstoplay · 24/02/2021 15:37

@readingismycardio

I would love to have this to any house.

Slumberdoon · 24/02/2021 15:37

No. Warm in winter, cool in summer and there are some beautiful ones in London

VerityWibbleWobble · 24/02/2021 15:37

I can't wait to move back in to a flat, just waiting for all the dc to leave home. I currently need separate floors so I don't have to listen to the chuffing lockdown PS4 drivel.

Hahaha88 · 24/02/2021 15:39

I can't imagine a more random reason to decide not to like someone than because they live in a flat not a house especially in a large city where I imagine tons of people live in flats

listsandbudgets · 24/02/2021 15:40

We lived in a flat when I first sent dd to private school - quite a small flat in fact.

A few people looked down on us and it was clear - one of them even refused to allow their child to come and play as and I quote "you won't have space for them to enjoy themselves". There were other people living in smaller properties or who seemed to have less income who got treated the same way.

Little did they know it was a temporary arrangement while we had the house we'd bought but not moved into renovated.

12 years down the line the people who looked down on us are still utter nasty snobs and the ones who were friendly and accepting are still our friends. When the rules allow I can tell you who will be in our home... and it won't be the cold, uptight people we met in those early days.

In fact, looking back I think we had a lucky escape as living in a small property filtered out some rather nasty elements

Exhausteddog · 24/02/2021 15:43

I invited several of Ds friends to a party for him when he first started school. One of the other mums asked if my DS would like to play at theirs one day because the boys were good friends. She was very apologetic that they lived in a small flat. I was really happy that DS had made a good friend, and felt awful at the idea she thought I might turn down the invite because of where they lived.

listsandbudgets · 24/02/2021 15:43

In case anyone is wondering - one of those mums brought her dd round for a playdate and was clearly looking down her nose. She couldn't leave quick enough and after taht it obviously went round a certain clique.
"Lists hasn't even got a house just a tiny flat.. poor listsjunior... don't bother sending your kids round there... nothing to gain from networking with them!"

Spidey66 · 24/02/2021 15:44

I live in a flat, so of course not.

Bluesheep8 · 24/02/2021 15:49

I might wonder why they live in a flat and choose private school.

Why on earth might you wonder about that? I don't understand.

littlepandawantstoplay · 24/02/2021 15:49

@Hattych my DH has really really filthy rich relatives (abroad) where their wives are in constant battle with their social/school circle, constantly in competition who drives the better car, who does the best Halloween party, who does the best themed birthday party, who has the latest Chanel bag, how many Cartier/Bulgari watches/bracelets they have, how many vancleef jewellery they wear, who has the best house. None of them are real friends and it must be exhausting. His relatives weren't that rich until they got contracts from their corrupt gov and suddenly they are filthy rich. I have seen how they have changed to fit in with their new social circle and what humanity they have left in them. And even though they fit, they still dislike each other. I live in a London flat, planning to also send my only child to private school, I'm humble and content and don't need these people to be friends with me. I have my family and friends who are there for me no matter what. My DH works extremely hard without relying on a corrupt gov fobbing off tax payers while the rest of the citizens are on the breadline unlike his relatives.

rainyskylight · 24/02/2021 15:50

Horrible snobby people. The nice ones won’t mind one jot and would likely respect you more for putting your children’s education first. (Also they might secretly think it’s a good thing their DC mixes with a wide variety of people as just hanging out with the wealthy cannot be good for them.)

RandomLondoner · 24/02/2021 15:51

If we exclude council housing, won't the average flat in the UK be more expensive than the average house? Flats tend to be in highly convenient locations, like city centres, and houses are mostly in suburbs, unlikely to be within walking distance of anything much.

I've just googled, and apparently in March 2020 the average flat price was 226K, the average terraced house price was only 200K. So us flat-owners can look down (literally and metaphorically) on mere terrace dwellers.

warmandtoasty2day · 24/02/2021 15:52

i'd be your friend if you lived in a tent, real friends wouldn't treat you like shite.

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