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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not understand why some parents make such poor food choices for their kids?

440 replies

Quit4me · 24/02/2021 13:01

I was standing behind a mum with 2 children in a queue the other day. One child was a baby laying almost flat in a pram aged about 3 months. The other was around 6. The baby was really sweet smiling out of the pram which is what drew my attention to them. Then she grizzled and the mum said ‘whopps sorry I took away the milk buttons didn’t I. She was feeding her (the baby) milkybar buttons. Quite a lot of them.
I then noticed that that the mum was overweight, the nan who was also with them was overweight and most sadly the 6 year old was very overweight /obese.
Why would any mum be feeding their 3 month old chocolate? Obviously the whole family and little girl could have had a medical condition but Barring that why don’t parents see that feeding them sugar and too many processed foods early on is creating so many health problems for their children?
It makes me actually quite angry and sad for the children and I cringe seeing it.
Yes I know it’s none of my business directly, but this is everyone’s business because it’s a huge problem for the UK and is going to increase multi fold in the coming years.

OP posts:
BilboBercow · 24/02/2021 13:58

Surprised to hear a 3 month old could swallow chocolate buttons

whatsthestory123 · 24/02/2021 13:59

@Megan2018

Because they are stupid. There are a lot of stupid people with children.

They are the same breed of stupid as those that don’t neuter pets, don’t look after their teeth, don’t care about the environment etc etc.

There’s no reasoning with stupid, don’t waste your energy.

that about sums up what i was thinking,its being lazy as well in general
Tal45 · 24/02/2021 14:00

I think it's very difficult. Nobody can say they don't know what healthy food is though I don't think, the information is everywhere. Parenting is really hard work and people just aren't used to that or prepared for it I don't think so a lot of people will take any short cuts they can to make it easier. If giving baby chocolate buttons while shopping makes it a nice experience for everyone then where's the harm........with no thought to the long term consequences.

whatsthestory123 · 24/02/2021 14:01

@BilboBercow

Surprised to hear a 3 month old could swallow chocolate buttons
they just melt in the mouth,so im told Blush
VinylDetective · 24/02/2021 14:01

alot of people think parents can do whatever they want with their own kids

Do they really? How quaint. I wonder where on earth they get that idea? Oh I know - ever read MN?

Kaia20 · 24/02/2021 14:02

So you didn’t notice that the mum was overweight until she was feeding the 3 month old baby milk buttons in the almost flat pram? Ok.
Sounds like a load of BS because you’re bored and just want to talk about something.
Maybe if this ever does happen you should keep your social distance and mind your own business

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 24/02/2021 14:02

@GlendaBulb you are aware some are overweight due to medical conditions though aren't you?
I have severe mh issues for first time a couple years ago and put on some weight , now I am trying to loose it on 1200 calories due to some medical reasons its not shifting.
I eat 2 healthy meals a day and walk as far as I can every other day.
But if you see me you would judge as clearly I have no personal responsibility .
You know a slim person underrating could be just as unhealthy right ? But they look ok to you so thats not the same.

Marmite27 · 24/02/2021 14:03

There’s a Facebook page in on and people are always doing ‘challenges’ around using up cupboard / freezer food to save money. Fair enough, sometimes needs must, but is it really worth your children’s health to save a few quid?

On person has 3 primary aged children. A typical day is:
Sugary cereal with milk and if they’re lucky 2 plums between all 3.
Snack, biscuits or a cake bar
Lunch, jam sandwich, cake bar or bag of mini biscuits, mini cheddars
Dinner chicken and sweetcorn pasta.

So the only f&v they’ve had is a plum split 3 ways and half a tin of sweetcorn 3 ways.

And this has been the same for the last month. I look on in fascinated horror. There’s no negative comments aloud, or PM’s and o members, so even if you suggest more f&v or god forbid a vitamin supplement it gets deleted. I feel so sorry for the kids. There’s a lifetime of food issues being stored up as I watch helplessly.

I try to model good food behaviour on my posts, but it’s largely ignored Sad

AnitaB888 · 24/02/2021 14:04

@ChrissyPlummer

'It is some years since I left school (25 this year) but our GCSE was titled ‘Food Studies’ and tbh I could’ve learned more about cooking from a Maths lesson (where they occasionally used recipes as examples). My DM went to the parents evening and mentioned to the teacher that I was disappointed at the lack of actual cooking and the teacher replied that you could get through the entire two year course without having to cook a single dish! It was all about advertising, labelling etc. No idea what it’s like now though.'

Shock

I shouldn't really be shocked as I used to know a girl who taught cookery and textiles. One day I asked her what she was teaching the kids to make/cook the next day and she said "coleslaw".

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 24/02/2021 14:05

You can’t judge someone by the contents of their trolley, you really can’t.
Thats the issue though isn't it people make a judgement of someone on one snapshot 5 mins of their life. Without knowing anything about what life that person actually lives,

PattyPan · 24/02/2021 14:05

Yanbu op, I think there is a lack of education. I was horrified to look at my own baby book and read that my mother had begun feeding me custard at 2 months old! I was an overweight child and she was also overweight and it was a constant struggle to lose weight. I wonder if it could have been different if I had started differently.

Catsandkittens638297 · 24/02/2021 14:05

My in laws are like this.
They used to put cola in a baby bottle when they where 7 months, when ever they have their other grandchildren around they don't feed them meals literally a bag of crisps and a muffin for breakfast at a year old.
I'm CONSTANTLY getting into it with them about not giving my 3 and 1 year old junk food. They've been trying to force me into giving them cola since they where about 6months. I didn't let them try any chocolate till about a year and half and they made me feel like the worst mum

minniemoocher · 24/02/2021 14:06

Whilst it's still inappropriate, I'm guessing the baby was a lot older than you thought, I had tiny babies and both failed to grow much hair until nearly 2 so at 9-12 months they still looked like young babies but could run, got lots of comments about them - they walked in normal range. I'm sure if you saw them back then in the pushchair you would think they were maybe 4 months whereas they would be 10!

BlackBucketOfCheese · 24/02/2021 14:08

I never understand how parents make such poor choices that their grown ass children come onto forums with bullshit, goady crap.

whatsthestory123 · 24/02/2021 14:10

so the whole family has a medical condition,give over the same old line trotted out

i say that as an overweight women with Bipolar taking quetiapine an anti psychotic that is known for weight gain but im doing something about it its blardy hard but i do know im fat

my children are normal weights because iknow what a good diet is

ClarkeGriffin · 24/02/2021 14:12

@halllftheworllldawway

What do you want people to say OP?

Yes you're right they are fat lazy feckless parents who make poor choices for their kids?

Maybe try looking at the bigger picture.

Yep. The bigger picture is that the majority of adults in the UK are overweight to obese, causing health problems for themselves, fertility problems and likely early death. People over eat so easily without realising it, I do it a lot. Its only when I keep a diary of it do I realise how much I'm actually eating.

No one likes to talk about it, because it's a shit subject. But that's the truth of it. The majority of those people could be helped as well. If it's linked to depression, they need help with that, counselling etc. If it's linked to lack of knowledge, teach them. They need help to get away from being overweight. It's not shaming them, it's trying to get them healthier, able to live longer, have children easier, have fewer health problems etc.

Tomatobear · 24/02/2021 14:13

I agree with you OP but you can't talk about it nowadays

Cam77 · 24/02/2021 14:13

Because people do all kinds of stupid shit and usually get their kids involved. Some smoke in front of their kids. Some brainwash them into religions. Some feed them junk. Some put them in front of a screen 8 hours a day. Etc. Why do people do stupid shit? Many Reasons....

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 24/02/2021 14:14

Its funny as when we were kids in the 70's /80's hardly any kids were overweight
Yet we were all fed babyrice etc at young ages , we ate chocolate and crisps in our pack lunches
Our dinners were sometimes healthy and sometimes fishfingers and chips , no lunchtime lunchbox monitors , yet I would say maybe a couple kids were overweight at most.
What we did do was run around a lot , play outside until dark , and moderation was the key.
We had 1 small bag of crisps a day , not sharing bags and small dinner portions , lots if exercise.
We had fizzy drinks but occasionally not a daily occurrence , water , milk or squash mostly

Dagnabit · 24/02/2021 14:16

I doubt you actually give a shit but just wanted to come on here and express outrage at the fat people. What is the point of this thread? You want us to pat you on the head because you’re so amazing?

NoSausageRoll · 24/02/2021 14:16

I don’t think the the baby led weaning mantra of ‘feed them the same as you’ helps. Some parents will take that literally.

FoxyTheFox · 24/02/2021 14:16

I don't know why 'poverty' is cited as a reason for poor food choices.eg; Crisps multipack x 2 = £2.50 Giant choc buttons = £2.52 Hobnobs = £1.89 KitKat 9pk = £1.00 Coke 2ltr x 2 = £3.18 Total = £12.68 That could be used to make 2 days meals for a family of 4 and have some cash over.

That's presuming you have access to a shop (e.g., supermarket) that sells lower priced food, that you have the means and the fuel to store and cook the food, and that you have the knowledge of how to plan out two days of meals for four people on a budget of around £12.

The reality is that a lot of people in poverty are restricted to local shops, usually a corner shop or mini-mart type shop, where the range is limited and prices are higher. If the nearest big name supermarket is a bus ride away then those budget ranges may as well be on the moon - my nearest Aldi is a £6.90 return fare away plus £3.45 return for any accompanying children, that's a big chunk of shopping budget gone before even reaching the aisles. Shopping online requires Internet access, a bank account with debit card feature or a PayPal account, and a minimum spend of around £40 (plus delivery fee).

Corner shops and mini-marts don't usually have discount ranges and the price point is higher, apples that might cost 69p for a bag of five at Aldi could easily be 69p each at a corner shop, if there are even any apples to be bought in the first place. A pack of 10 basic Always sanitary towels that can be bought for £1 in Asda are £3 in my local corner shop. Pasta is £1.50 a bag. Chopped tomatoes are £1 a tin. Cheese is £3 for a small block. Milk is £2.50 for a four pint carton. Bread is £2 a loaf. It all adds up when that's your only shopping option however they sell no-brand frozen pizzas in plain plastic packing at £1 for two and a bag of oven chips is £1 so I could buy pasta, tomatoes, and cheese for £5.50 or I could get two lots of pizza and chips for £2. If I've got £6 to last the week, I know which I'd buy.

Then there's the fuel issue. Food poverty and fuel poverty often go hand in hand. Many people on lower incomes, or without access to a bank account, or with poor credit, or in rented accommodation (or all of the above) are on key meters which cost more to run and mean you are on a finite supply of gas and electricity. If you've only got a little bit of credit left on the meter, you'll cook whatever uses the least amount of fuel. This is why food banks often ask for heat-to-eat type foods such as packet rice, tinned beans, etc.

Bagamoyo1 · 24/02/2021 14:17

@Susanthepig

Yabu. Keep your nose out. My toddler eats too many sweets and crap right now. I’ve just had my second baby, I’m living through a pandemic and having major renovation work to my home. I can’t see other people to help me out or leave my house unless it’s to go to the fucking supermarket. Just stop judging.
you think it's OK to give a tiny baby chocolate?
whatsthestory123 · 24/02/2021 14:17

lets stop blaming the schools etc,its the parent that dictates the child's diet fotr many many years but most are to scared to say so

same as the amount that have a medical condition that effects their weight is very very small,well so a nurse told me and i believe that

my meds make me crave sugar but i know i have to cut that out and do whatever it takes to beat it

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 24/02/2021 14:17

I think it’s a combination of laziness and ignorance. Associating food with “treats” and being good. Just being tired and wanting some peace.

It’s not ideal.