To not understand why some parents make such poor food choices for their kids?

[Quit4me]

I was standing behind a mum with 2 children in a queue the other day. One child was a baby laying almost flat in a pram aged about 3 months. The other was around 6. The baby was really sweet smiling out of the pram which is what drew my attention to them. Then she grizzled and the mum said ‘whopps sorry I took away the milk buttons didn’t I. She was feeding her (the baby) milkybar buttons. Quite a lot of them.
I then noticed that that the mum was overweight, the nan who was also with them was overweight and most sadly the 6 year old was very overweight /obese.
Why would any mum be feeding their 3 month old chocolate? Obviously the whole family and little girl could have had a medical condition but Barring that why don’t parents see that feeding them sugar and too many processed foods early on is creating so many health problems for their children?
It makes me actually quite angry and sad for the children and I cringe seeing it.
Yes I know it’s none of my business directly, but this is everyone’s business because it’s a huge problem for the UK and is going to increase multi fold in the coming years.

Everyone everyone knows that a wholewheat pitta with lentil salad filling is healthier than a bag of doughnuts. But a bag of doughnuts is a darn sight tastier and I saw a bagful for 59p recently in Asda. That’s your reason.

Incidentally when dd was six weeks old and lying in her crib I came into the room to see her doing a nyum nyum sucking thing. Toddler ds caved in and said he’d just been eating his chocolate buttons and one or two “fell into” dd’s mouth....

I just can't see how a three-month-old who is almost flat in a pram can eat chocolate buttons without choking...are you sure this is how young the baby was?

I'm remembering some years ago when I took DD2 to the doctors about an ear infection. The doctor ignored the actual issue and began telling me she was overweight and I'd need to see a dietician. He went on and then decided to weigh her. His face was a picture when he realised she was a normal weight.
That was a GP. If he can't tell a child is overweight just by looking then neither can most other people.
For some reason that incident has stuck in my mind, probably because he made me feel like shit. Anyway you can't always tell by looking.

Definitely sounds like lack of education ...regardless of what the baby was eating (my toddler sometimes gets choc buttons as a treat but as part of a varied balanced diet) education points I see are

1. baby to young for solids
2. not being able to independently sit/ not sitting up when eating = choking hazard

I’m very overweight (due to mental health and medication) but I make sure Dd eats a healthy diet. I don’t want her to be fat like me and I want her to have a better relationship with food. I don’t force her to finish her plate like my parents did with me. I don’t bribe her with puddings or sweets. I give her child sized portions. She prefers fresh home cooked food over processed frozen crap and she’d happily eat fruit over sweets.

Sadly though I know people assume I’ll feed her crap because I’m so fat. She once won an star award at school for healthiest packed lunch and I was so paranoid that people were thinking how can she have the healthiest lunch when her mums such a fat bastard? Then my neighbour (also parent of a child at DD’s school) brought it up to me a few months later and he said to me ‘when they said healthiest lunch; I thought as if, have you seen the size of her mum!’ I didn’t say anything back to him at the time because I was so embarrassed.

Please don’t assume just because a parent is overweight that they’re feeding their child junk food and don’t care about their child’s health. I care and make a conscious effort to make sure she’s eating healthy. Just can’t manage to do that for myself unfortunately.

If there's one thing hanging around on mn has taught me it's that everyone is judging everyone, often based on a few seconds of information and absent the ability to turn cuch a critical gaze on themselves.

Assuming this is a real concern I do think progress has been made in terms of awareness of personal general health and the impact diet and exercise can have on it. I do think there is a lot of mixed information historically and that even now information is not very clear (e.g fat was the devil as I grew up but now fat isn’t supposed to be bad but carbs are bad and sugar is the devil) but overall awareness is better. The issue is there are so many factors to making decisions, if you’re tired you want something quick and easy with a quick hit of energy -carbs and sugar give you that. If you’re feeling down, often that feels like tiredness so same thing. Then comes comfort eating and access to healthy food and understanding portion sizes (which again is totally overestimated due to experience in pubs/takeaways etc). Many people eat until they are full rather than satisfied and they have never learned the difference. It’s not the persons fault it’s just what comes with being a rich country and never struggling. On the opposite side you have people who are in poverty who are struggling and the easiest things to access for a quick hit of energy is high carb, high sugar convenience foods.

Instead of picking on individuals, turn your attention elsewhere and look at the trash schools serve sometimes for lunches or the food served in hospitals. Neither exactly a shining example of healthy eating.

@GirlInterruptedAgain

Your assuming that she always feeds her face with buttons. It could have been a one off treat. As the whole family were, as you say, overweight, perhaps it is food =love as some have said, or, there could be some dodgy genetics going on there. Also many people are struggling right now financially and will be buying cheaper and perhaps unhealthier food as a result. It’s not easy for many people right now. Not everyone can afford the healthier, lighter, good for you options right now. I do agree that parents who willingly without cause or reason, shove high fat high sugar Hugh calorie content food into their kids mouths need some sort of educating. But they shouldn’t make it out of reach for people to afford.

so it's OK for little babies in prams to have chocolate as a treat?

Does anyone actually believe the baby was 3mo 🙄 Maybe you aren't as good at guessing ages as you thought op. And since you have zero details, maybe just keep your nose out and go about your day 🤷🏻‍♀️

Everything in moderation, you don't know why they were overweight/what they eat the rest of the time!

3 months is really young, my Dd didn’t start with any chocolate until gone 1 and that was mainly the grandparents trying to smuggle it into her 🤣
I will say though, when we go food shopping, she has one treat, largely to keep her quiet but really because she rarely has any and she eats her brocolli, carrots, apples, oats, berries, avocado etc etc daily so I figure a balance is good.
I’d hate to think someone was watching and thinking ‘Look at her feeding her 2, 5 year old chocolate’ they wouldn’t be aware of the full situation at all.

@donewithitalltodayandxmas

Its funny as when we were kids in the 70's /80's hardly any kids were overweight Yet we were all fed babyrice etc at young ages , we ate chocolate and crisps in our pack lunches Our dinners were sometimes healthy and sometimes fishfingers and chips , no lunchtime lunchbox monitors , yet I would say maybe a couple kids were overweight at most. What we did do was run around a lot , play outside until dark , and moderation was the key. We had 1 small bag of crisps a day , not sharing bags and small dinner portions , lots if exercise. We had fizzy drinks but occasionally not a daily occurrence , water , milk or squash mostly

It's not that though.

Things are made so differently.

A shop-made biscuit or cake from the 70s-80s is a WORLD away in terms of what is actually in it and the effect it has on our bodies. Even leaving out that stuff was (relatively) more expensive and sweet things were more likely to be home-made or locally bought, the direct comparisons - like a chocolate biscuit bar from Tesco then and now - the difference is HORRIFIC, and we just don't really understand that. The reason it's more horrific - cost.

High fructose corn syrup is a good example. It's a cheap way of sugaring food. That's what your kids are eating now when they have a cheap-ish mini roll or a slice of shop cake. In the 70s, you ate glucose sugar. The difference is hideous. Here:

www.healthline.com/nutrition/why-high-fructose-corn-syrup-is-bad#4.-Excessive-intake-is-linked-to-diabetes

You don't know how old that kid is. And it's non of your business. Are you perfect?

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe - I’m not sure why you have said ‘discussion, why does that even mean’? It means it gets talked about?
Why shouldn’t it get talked about? Obesity is a health crisis that is getting worse? What are your thoughts on reversing that over the coming decade? Will not talking about it make it all better?
Why must I be goady for wanting to talk about something? I’ve not insulted anyone or spoken out of turn, just described what I saw.
This is a public free discussion forum so I am perfectly allowed to discuss something that upsets me and ask others their opinion about it.
To others asking about the babies age, it was between 3-4 months from my experience. She could suck me swollow the buttons because she was propped slightly on a cushion and wedged each side and the buttons were being put into her mouth to melt. I suppose I was sad because it’s everywhere that babies only drink milk until 5 / 6 months, and also that the older child was very obese made me sad seeing her move and play.
If that makes me goady then so be it

Some of these comments are so hurtful. I am currently fostering a baby with a neurological injury, he has been extremely difficult to wean and, under the guidance of his SaLT and other therapists, we have found that he will eat Veggie Straws, breadsticks and wafer biscuits. I am sure those who don't know us think I am lazy or stupid but he has an oral aversion. I cannot get a spoon near his mouth even if he is given the spoon to hold, giving him anything wet or sticky causes a very strong negative reaction and he can find it distressing and quite frankly, he has been through enough in his short life without causing him further distress around food. His aversion to anything in his mouth is strong enough that he is prescribed rectal paracetamol as we cannot get a syringe in his mouth.

OP - I'm with you.

My niece is well educated and in good profession. Yet her choice of pudding for her 11month old baby was Cadbury's chocolate roll. She herself is morbidly obese. She's intelligent but whatever reason is very ignorant about nutrition.

When my DS1 was two years old, we were invited to a playdate where their toddler had a full access to a drawer full of biscuits, chocolate and haribos. I have to say it blew my mind because why an earth would you do that? My DS1 wasn't denied treats but at the same time I didn't see a single reason to give him a bag of Haribos to munch just because he was bored and whiney.

My view regarding sugar is polarised now though as I have managed to cut it out completely (apart from what comes as a natural carbs in vegetable and some in 90% dark chocolate square). My health has improved hugely even though I was only about 5-6kg overweight. White sugar (including sweeteners) is really poison but I'm sure someone will come across bleating "everything in moderation" mantra. (Yes it's true but looking at the obesity rates, people are not able to have sugar in moderation. Food manufacturing and labelling doesn't help either).

Mind your own business. It's nothing to do with you what others feed their kids. You don't know that baby was only 3 months old and you don't know its diet the rest of the time. Yabu to judge someone so massively from one tiny snapshot of their life.

@namechangefail2020

You don't know how old that kid is. And it's non of your business. Are you perfect?

No, of course not but if anyone thought I was doing something that would cause harm to my child they are perfectly free to discuss it on an anonymous forum

Erm I refuse to believe the baby was 3months old and being fed chocolate buttons, no way.

@crystalcherry87

Mind your own business. It's nothing to do with you what others feed their kids. You don't know that baby was only 3 months old and you don't know its diet the rest of the time. Yabu to judge someone so massively from one tiny snapshot of their life.

It was more in conjunction with the older child. Also I am more trying to discuss it as a wider issue, not just this one case

[quote Quit4me]@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe - I’m not sure why you have said ‘discussion, why does that even mean’? It means it gets talked about?
Why shouldn’t it get talked about? Obesity is a health crisis that is getting worse? What are your thoughts on reversing that over the coming decade? Will not talking about it make it all better?
Why must I be goady for wanting to talk about something? I’ve not insulted anyone or spoken out of turn, just described what I saw.
This is a public free discussion forum so I am perfectly allowed to discuss something that upsets me and ask others their opinion about it.
To others asking about the babies age, it was between 3-4 months from my experience. She could suck me swollow the buttons because she was propped slightly on a cushion and wedged each side and the buttons were being put into her mouth to melt. I suppose I was sad because it’s everywhere that babies only drink milk until 5 / 6 months, and also that the older child was very obese made me sad seeing her move and play.
If that makes me goady then so be it[/quote]
It's already gone to possibly 4 months from 3 - likelihood Is she was 6 months plus and weaning. "Your experience" in a child's age is bull. All babies are different sizes at different months, and the bottom line is you've no idea. You've made a guess, and been a judgemental busybody for no reason. She didn't shoot the kid up with heroin - are you a perfect parent op?

And I can't understand why some parents make such poor choices in the behaviour they role model for their children.
For children to grow up thinking its ok to be nosey, judgemental and critical of strangers, based on a snapshot of their behaviour; that's it's fine to criticise and call people names because of their body size and a single observed choice; that elimination of sweet food from your diet gives you the right to be smug, superior and sneering...
Personally, I'd rather see them given a decent set of values and the odd chocolate button.

@imalmostthere I’m saying 3-4 months to give some leyway. I was actually wondering if the baby was even 3 months when I was in the queue but of course all babies are different. I was there for a fair while and in my experience no older than 4 months and most certainly not at a weaning age