To not understand why some parents make such poor food choices for their kids?

[Quit4me]

I was standing behind a mum with 2 children in a queue the other day. One child was a baby laying almost flat in a pram aged about 3 months. The other was around 6. The baby was really sweet smiling out of the pram which is what drew my attention to them. Then she grizzled and the mum said ‘whopps sorry I took away the milk buttons didn’t I. She was feeding her (the baby) milkybar buttons. Quite a lot of them.
I then noticed that that the mum was overweight, the nan who was also with them was overweight and most sadly the 6 year old was very overweight /obese.
Why would any mum be feeding their 3 month old chocolate? Obviously the whole family and little girl could have had a medical condition but Barring that why don’t parents see that feeding them sugar and too many processed foods early on is creating so many health problems for their children?
It makes me actually quite angry and sad for the children and I cringe seeing it.
Yes I know it’s none of my business directly, but this is everyone’s business because it’s a huge problem for the UK and is going to increase multi fold in the coming years.

DM fed me a load of shit food, we were skint. I had mash and beans for tea most evenings and a chip buttie with 3 chocolate bars for lunch when home for dinner (secondary school)

Despite this, i was always a slim child, no one ever made comments. My best friend on the other hand was cooked lovely healthy meals but struggled with her weight.

I often heard people whisper behind her back about her parents overfeeding her. It made me sad as it was far from the truth.

My point is you shouldn't judge people. The baby could of just had her immunisations and the parents trying to soothe her.

Milkybar buttons aren't ideal but they're not exactly heroin.

This does sound awful but I'm not quick to judge in these situations. I had 2 babies who developed eating disorders due to severe reflux. They refused to eat to the point of malnutrition and failure to thrive. Dietician basically put them on a diet of junk food. Biscuits, crisps, chips etc. She said they needed the fat and to learn to enjoy food. We basically used junk as a gateway to healthier foods. Other mums must have judged me horribly when I was out with 1 year olds given them any junk food I could get down their necks. It worked though, they now have s much healthier diet/weight with only small amounts of junk food now.

Did you ask the baby’s age? Just pointing out that my ds looked a lot younger at 7-8 months as he’s on the lower centiles and HV advice was to feed high calorie foods and I quote ‘don’t be afraid of chocolate’. I didn’t want to do that and had done my research already but plenty of months would have gone with the advice.

I feel for anyone having a baby in the past year really. Huge chunks of time on their own due to not being able to have partner with you. No school to give you a chance to recover from the birth. Alot less money if partner not on full pay on furlough, or the worry of a husband/wife on the front line with a new baby to worry about. Must be a recipe for PND tbh.

Completely agree with this and said as much on a thread where another mum was getting a hammering for sending her baby to nursery twice a week whilst on maternity leave. I was in the fortunate position of having had fantastic advice and both practical and emotional support throughout both my pregnancy and mat leave. I cannot imagine how parents have coped.

Rock on over to the Covid19 topic to see how many MNers class themselves as “vulnerable” or are scared of catching it because they’re very overweight or obese. Since MNers are generally at pains to point how middle class and educated they are - combined with your own stat that more than two thirds of the U.K. population is overweight or obese - and I think we can safely assume that making poor food choices and being overweight isn’t the preserve of the uneducated working classes who are too thick and lazy to know any better.

Being fat is not a good thing, no. But we don’t get any closer to the root cause or tackling it as a societal issue by insisting that fat people must also be stupid or uneducated. That’s the “fat-shaming” element, because it does always descend into blame and negative stereotypes.

“Why would a parent who loves their child and wants the best for them also do something which seems from an outside perspective to be counterintuitive to that desire, and what might be the broader background to and external forces behind why many people knowingly make poor food choices generally?” might be a better place to start than some unlikely story about seeing a fat woman feeding her baby sweets and wondering how she could be so stupid.

I really doubt the baby was three months old op.

@Annabell80

How do you know the baby was 3 months? I don't think any of my 3 had enough teeth at 3 months to eat buttons. If this is true then it's sad but as you said absolutely none of your business.

I could just tell the baby was 3/4 months from experience with babies. Mum was putting each button in the babies mouth, the baby was not able to reach out to hold anything as too young. No teeth needed, the baby just sucked and swollowed

How close were you to the baby to know its age and see it being fed so many buttons ? In assumedly the short time you were in the que ?

Also the baby could be much older than you think if there are eating issues. At 2.5 years old my boys were in clothes for 12 month olds. A woman saw me giving one of them some pizza and looked horrified, she must have thought they were much younger than they were. I felt so awful I went over to a stranger to explain why. Don't judge, you just don't know.

Oh so your more about overweight issue than feeding buttons ? If the family were slim would you of been less judgemental?
Maybe a fat person looked in tour trolley and thinks you have too much wine or another product?

Why would any mum be feeding their 3 month old chocolate?

because for whatever reason, they don't know any better? Probably a lack of education, lack of internet, poor relationship with medical professionals, lack of cash, a desperate need to keep the baby quiet because she hasn't slept in 3 months and no one there to really support her, a combination of many things I can't think of?

Feeding such a small child chocolate buttons is about way more than 'poor food choices'.

My mum got really angry with me when I refused to let her feed DS chocolate buttons. She'd got them especially for him as that's what they're designed for apparently. He was 8 weeks old at the time. She argued that she'd done the same for all her children and it never did us any harm. Blind to the fact we were all obese as children.

My mum equates feeding children junk with love. The more shit you feed them, the more love you're giving them.

I agree with you, OP, but I don't judge the parents (except giving fizzy drinks or juice to very young children, where my hackles do rise a bit).

Unfortunately, our social and economic backgrounds shape our food choices to an extent that it is very, very difficult for individuals to make different choices. Essentially, if you're richer, eating healthily is easier and more pleasant. Firstly, there's the cost aspect - calorie for calorie, healthy foods cost something like 3 times more than unhealthy foods. Secondly, there's the social aspect - fast food and convenience shops with high calorie foods and sugary snacks and a lack of fresh produce are much more prevalent in poorer areas than in wealthy areas. Thirdly, there's the "treat" aspect - for many poorer parents, the only treat they can really afford for their children is a chocolate bar or some sweets, as opposed to wealthy parents who might sign their kids up to a holiday camp, take them on a day out to the zoo or a theme park or buy them a new toy or game. Since nearly all parents want to treat their kids and for them to be happy, giving sweets is an easy way of showing love and affection when you don't have much money and life is drab and difficult. Hence, the cycle of poor health is ingrained and repeats itself.

My baby was the size of a 3 month old when she was 9 months old, having been premature. We got some very judgy looks when she was chewing on foods not appropriate for a newborn baby.

When she was a little older, she struggled to put on weight as most of the high fat options you’re supposed to feed kids with are dairy and she was intolerant so her dietitian recommended using other high calorie foods such as sweets, biscuits, cake etc to avoid having to try to get her to take the hideous synthetic supplements. Again, I’m sure folk judged us for feeding a 1 year old donuts.

I couldn’t give a crap what people thought, it’s just my experience shows you don’t always see what you think you are seeing.

I don't know why 'poverty' is cited as a reason for poor food choices.

eg;
Crisps multipack x 2 = £2.50
Giant choc buttons = £2.52
Hobnobs = £1.89
KitKat 9pk = £1.00
Coke 2ltr x 2 = £3.18

Total = £12.68

That could be used to make 2 days meals for a family of 4 and have some cash over.

I remember with absolute joy some dreadful woman at a party we were at when my then 6 month old reached across a table and helped himself to a dorito, and the look of sheer horror on her face when after she had told me he was eating a dorito I shrugged rather than batting it out of his hands. One fucking dorito. Like it would kill him or send him down a path to certain early death.

@Itsjustaride8w737

DM fed me a load of shit food, we were skint. I had mash and beans for tea most evenings and a chip buttie with 3 chocolate bars for lunch when home for dinner (secondary school)

Despite this, i was always a slim child, no one ever made comments. My best friend on the other hand was cooked lovely healthy meals but struggled with her weight.

I often heard people whisper behind her back about her parents overfeeding her. It made me sad as it was far from the truth.

My point is you shouldn't judge people. The baby could of just had her immunisations and the parents trying to soothe her.

Milkybar buttons aren't ideal but they're not exactly heroin.

It’s not so much that, I just felt sad that the older child was so overweight and looking at the baby being fed chocolate so young, I could see the baby heading in the same direction. I’m sure there and lots of issues and it’s a complex matter but it still make me sad - why should that child have to go through childhood finding normal child movements difficult because of the choices of their parents. What is judging anyway? We all judge everyone in some way whether we think we do or not? I would never say anything or be less than present to her. I do regularly think and wonder how the obesity trend will ever be reversed? Or will people just become more and more obese down the generations? Where will this trend leave us as a nation in 25 / 50 years time?

OP is right, there are a lot of sadly uneducated people when it comes to nutrition. Their poor kids, on the path to obesity and neither they, nor their parents, fully understanding why.

As a society we’ve pussyfooted around this issue for years. The NHS offers specialist clinics with “experts”, obese people are told they have a disease, resultant illnesses and disabilities are not their fault. The cruel truth is most of us could become obese just by making a few bad lifestyle choices, it’s not difficult.

Personal responsibility is the key.

Maybe people need to concentrate on what they feed their own children and accept what others do is their business.
I have an extremly fussy ds who eats a fair amount of rubbish and drs have always told me just let him eat, he does eat some fruit no veg , no pasta ,etc
So when he had a packed lunch it won't of been as healthy as his brothers , he isn't overweight actually under , nearly 6ft tall and very sporty and I know people have judged us for what he eats at times , especially when little.
But often some of those that have , smoke, drink etc

And this is why we have an obesity crisis, so many people giving reasons why it’s acceptable to feed a 3 month old choc.

It’s actually insulting to those from ‘low income’ families to say it’s lack of education/money. It’s not.

“Why would a parent who loves their child and wants the best for them also do something which seems from an outside perspective to be counterintuitive to that desire, and what might be the broader background to and external forces behind why many people knowingly make poor food choices generally?” might be a better place to start than some unlikely story about seeing a fat woman feeding her baby sweets and wondering how she could be so stupid

I think that's probably a better way to think about it really. I mean one minute your judged for your kid having a tantrum the next you are judged fir giving them.sweets to keep them.quiet. you are judged when you are the only one out if the group of the parents at the park with the kids who isn't feeding them within 15 mins of getting there. You are judged if your face and body don't fit at the swimming pool or gym class you enrolled your kids into to get then.tbe exercise. You then find the class stops after 20 mins fir a snack.break. you are judged when your.kids eat junk but also judged for expecting a play date to eat anything not covered in bread crumbs.

I think as a society we seem to be afraid to say no to our kids . Too worried someone's going to judge you fir the tantrum that results from.saying no.

We need to stop giving a crap really, accept our kids might cry sometimes and not be so.hard on ourselves.

@AnitaB888

I brought this up on the thread about parents not being able to afford shoes for their DCs and got lambasted for it. Apparently I was being prejudiced and didn't understand their situation.

I've seen mums in supermarkets with trolleys piled high with crisps, sweets, biscuits, cakes, fizzy drinks and a total absence of fresh fruit & veg.
Usually the mum is morbidly obese, (but I'm not allowed to say that because it's 'fat-shaming')
Some supermarkets offer free fruit for kids to eat, so they must realise it's a problem.

The answer IMO is better education - don't they teach domestic science/housecraft any more at school?

This makes me mad - if mums/parents want to eat 'junk food' and shorten their life expectancy, that's their choice but they shouldn't force their unhealthy choices on their children.

I haven’t read further than this comment because I desperately want to talk about this in particular.

I do part of my grocery shopping across Lidl/B&M. Once a month/once every six weeks you could follow me round these shops and say the same thing about me. Crisps, sweets, ice cream, custard, coke etc. You could well judge me and it sounds like you would, and also assume that it’s all I feed my family.

Actually what happens is that I get a weekly fruit and veg box delivered by a local farmer, so have no need to buy fruit and veg from a supermarket. I get my milk delivered 3 x a week from another local farmer, so need to to buy it from a supermarket. I do a monthly meat shop from my local meat wholesale shop, also a local farmer with traceable meat (if it isn’t his own.) again, no need to buy my meat from a supermarket.

I do a weekly dry food shop for tins and cheese and then every so often I do a ‘treat’ shop.

You can’t judge someone by the contents of their trolley, you really can’t.

I agree, there’s no portion control anymore. When I was little I was given a small amount of something sweet. Now kids are having junk constantly.