To let my death get in the way of life....

[feedmegin]

I cannot enjoy my life because I’m too afraid of death.

I don’t think there is a day that goes by when I don’t think about death.

I wake in the middle of the night and suddenly become aware that one day, I just won’t be here.
I struggle to accept that my non existence is going to be eternal.
It literally petrifies me.

I try to imagine what it’s going to feel like but it just sends me into panic when I try.

It’s making me feel really miserable and I’m struggling to find enjoyment in life because, well what’s the point if we’re just going to die.

I feel like I’m just waiting for the day that darkness will be my forever. 😭

I’ve felt like this for years now and it’s not going away.

I lost my friend vert suddenly 12 years ago, and I think this triggered my fear.

I have panic attacks if I have to go to funerals and I couldn’t ever imagine seeing someone dead.

I don’t know how I’m ever going to enjoy life because what is there to enjoy when death is just there waiting to take us.

@DumplingsAndStew

RE: your username... Do you drink a lot of alcohol?

@DumplingsAndStew

LOL no I’m a breastfeeding mum. I just feel like that, occasionally

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

Am I the only one who has genuinely never had a moment like that? Just felt meh can’t control it, don’t worry 😂

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

It’s when I sit and think about it (which I know I shouldn’t) that I get really panicky)

I've always been a bit on the morbid side and when I was a child I would often lay awake at night crying over the thought of family members dying. It eased as I grew up but came back with a bang after having my DC. I don't necessarily fear death (although I'd rather it just happen suddenly as opposed to being told I had a terminal illness as I can't imagine how I'd ever cope with that) but my biggest fear now is dying and leaving my children without a mother. I can't bear the thought of it and it's lead to some bouts of health anxiety.

What's "helped" it somewhat is the fact I lost both of beloved grandparents in the past 18 months. I want to enjoy the time I have and revel in the relationships I'm lucky to have. Where I'm from death is not hidden away and coffins are usually open at wakes/funerals and I think that's a good thing, it takes away the "taboo" somewhat.

You are right - treatment can't change death or eternity.

However, it can change how you feel about these things; the anxiety is causing your suffering.

It might not happen for a very very very long time.

There are still people alive now who can remember the First World War (as kids).

No one knows how long they are going to live.

I know that’s easy for me to say but it might help to get some therapy to think and talk your way through it and help you become calmer about it.

x

Also, do you have any religious beliefs?

If so, remember that death in this world is not the end of everything- it’s the next step, like taking a journey to another place.

I could have written your post word for word fifteen years ago, even the part about a close friend dying suddenly.
I haven't had a panic attack since I became a Christian. I would suggest that you read a gospel and find out what Jesus said about eternal life and why he came to the world to see what you think.
I'm sorry that I haven't had chance to read the responses but thought I would post as I have experienced this too.

You need to have counselling even bereavement counselling. My DM was the same she was terrified of dying, hated small dark spaces, the anxiety took over her life, she feared cancer leaving us, we always worried she'd keep herself awake for fear of dying in her sleep once she hit 60.
In the end her death was awful age 69, she was alone and aware of what was coming, none of us could see her as she'd Covid19, she wasn't allowed in the undertaker she stayed in a dark tight spot for 5 days.
The makeup requests she had never happened with a closed casket.
It's been really hard to know she never lived properly always fearful, you can never plan or know when death is coming, a positive is we knew what flowers songs etc she wanted she never stopped talking about it.
I tell my DC it is only a shell, I'm still close by it is a natural part of life.
Point being there is no point in worrying about it you can't plan or avoid it.
You're wasting precious time.

@Beseigedbykillersquirrels

You seem quite resistant to the helpful suggestions PP have given you here. The options are: 1) seek help 2) continue as you are

Very helpful

@5128gap

I talked to my grandma about this once. She said 'Of course you're frightened. No one wants to leave the party early. But by the time it gets to the early hours, you're tired, you've had enough, and are ready to go home.' I know its simplistic and not applicable to a lot of deaths, but it helped me push the fear aside by telling myself there was no need to worry about it for a long time, and when I got there it wouldn't feel that bad.

I think thats a great saying, must remember it :)

@Emeraldshamrock

You need to have counselling even bereavement counselling. My DM was the same she was terrified of dying, hated small dark spaces, the anxiety took over her life, she feared cancer leaving us, we always worried she'd keep herself awake for fear of dying in her sleep once she hit 60. In the end her death was awful age 69, she was alone and aware of what was coming, none of us could see her as she'd Covid19, she wasn't allowed in the undertaker she stayed in a dark tight spot for 5 days. The makeup requests she had never happened with a closed casket. It's been really hard to know she never lived properly always fearful, you can never plan or know when death is coming, a positive is we knew what flowers songs etc she wanted she never stopped talking about it. I tell my DC it is only a shell, I'm still close by it is a natural part of life. Point being there is no point in worrying about it you can't plan or avoid it. You're wasting precious time.

Im very sorry for you and that sounds horrible, your poor mam.

@fairycakes1234 Thank you.
OP your past the point of normal fear, I'd suggest medication too it won't hurt you, especially if you've young DC anxiety is like mould unless you deal with it, it grows.
Ask for counselling and some anti-anxiety medication, steralyn is very good. You have to fix it.

@Home06

I could have written your post word for word fifteen years ago, even the part about a close friend dying suddenly. I haven't had a panic attack since I became a Christian. I would suggest that you read a gospel and find out what Jesus said about eternal life and why he came to the world to see what you think. I'm sorry that I haven't had chance to read the responses but thought I would post as I have experienced this too.

The problem is, to be a Christian you have to believe in God. And that’s not something I could just ‘switch on’, even if they do have a nice view of death.

I used to feel like this - including the fear of eternity and the internal freakout thinking about infinite time - and ironically, what cured of me of this was being in a coma.

You see, what I learned from that experience - or rather, non-experience, that's sort of the point - is that death is nothing to fear, because we won't be there. Of course, I knew that intellectually, but having had my brain 'switched off', for want of a better word, I can't explain to you enough how profoundly we are not there. It's not like sleep. It's not like anything. There is nothing to fear about something you won't experience. The only thing to fear is the process of dying.

but if you don't think about death and aren't frightened or inspired or just cogniscent of the possibility at various points in your life then I think you are probably a pretty insensitive gung-ho sort of person

I don't think that's true at all. People who are calm and philosophical about the inevitability of death don't strike me as insensitive or gung-ho at all. And nobody can avoid thinking about it at all, because nobody goes through their life without hearing about deaths.

Sorry if this has been mentioned before, but maybe it would be a good idea of you used your interest and fear of death to explore different spiritual options: Christianity, Budhism, Hinduism, Islam, etc. You could also study a bit of thanatology. Turn your fear into an interest. Being afraid of death is so human that all these age-old philosophies have looked at it hard and come up with answers that work for them.

It's eye-opening and comforting to realise how many of us feel, or have felt, the same way. We'll, we're all in it together! It's comforting to imagine us all holding hands and going forth into whatever it is that does or doesn't lie ahead for us!

Seriously though, a huge part of it is fear of the unknown and trying to understand something that is too huge and mind-boggling for our brains to conceptualise. This helps me... That we feel this terror when confronted with questions about existence and eternity, because we aren't supposed to be capable of understanding it. Who know... Perhaps some day we will? I also find comfort in seeing the bigger picture. We are one tiny part of a beautiful world and a universe beyond our conception. Imagining these continuing after we die, with us somehow a part of that, is comforting to me. And can anyone remember that Hamlet quote.... Something along the lines of... 'There is more to heaven and earth than we can dream of in this life'? There is so much more to this world and life than we can possibly know.

@iloveeverykindofcat

I used to feel like this - including the fear of eternity and the internal freakout thinking about infinite time - and ironically, what cured of me of this was being in a coma.

You see, what I learned from that experience - or rather, non-experience, that's sort of the point - is that death is nothing to fear, because we won't be there. Of course, I knew that intellectually, but having had my brain 'switched off', for want of a better word, I can't explain to you enough how profoundly we are not there. It's not like sleep. It's not like anything. There is nothing to fear about something you won't experience. The only thing to fear is the process of dying.

The problem is, it's the 'profoundly not being there' thing that strikes terror into people. A lot of posters have suggested the knowledge of this as something that can help, but it is this very fact that causes the fear in the first place for many people. Because once we experience existing, the idea of our non-existence is horrifying for many people.

To add to that though...It is interesting that your experience of the coma was what cured you of that fear @iloveeverykindofcat!

@Coyoacan

Sorry if this has been mentioned before, but maybe it would be a good idea of you used your interest and fear of death to explore different spiritual options: Christianity, Budhism, Hinduism, Islam, etc. You could also study a bit of thanatology. Turn your fear into an interest. Being afraid of death is so human that all these age-old philosophies have looked at it hard and come up with answers that work for them.

This is a great idea!

@Somethingsnappy Yeah, I used to have the very same fear. I don't know why it cured me....but it did. I suppose before I was still subconsciously afraid of something, even though I knew intellectually it was nothing. Now I know for sure it's nothing - and I sort of know what 'nothing' is like - I don't fear it anymore. The time I was in the coma doesn't exist to me - it just isn't there. It's really hard to explain.

@iloveeverykindofcat... It reminds me of my friend who died years ago. She always had the awful, preoccupied fear of dying. But when she was diagnosed with a terminal illness and had to face it, she stopped fearing it.

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

Am I the only one who has genuinely never had a moment like that? Just felt meh can’t control it, don’t worry 😂

Lol nope I also seem to have this way of thinking too, tbh there’s really not much that bothers me at all I try not to stress about anything & generally just try to deal with things as & when they happen 😌

I wake in the middle of the night and suddenly become aware that one day, I just won’t be here.
I struggle to accept that my non existence is going to be eternal.

Your existence is eternal @feedmegin. Your atomic and subatomic particles have always been around, that's one of the things that makes time travel to the past a bit difficult. Your component bits were busy doing other things like being in apples and coal. Similarly, when you die, you don't stop existing, your bits go on and experience the world in different ways, you will become soil and trees and whatever the future brings. You'll shoot into space and be parts of other planets and stars.🤯

Your existence will outlast this planet.🤯🤯🤯