To let my death get in the way of life....

[feedmegin]

I cannot enjoy my life because I’m too afraid of death.

I don’t think there is a day that goes by when I don’t think about death.

I wake in the middle of the night and suddenly become aware that one day, I just won’t be here.
I struggle to accept that my non existence is going to be eternal.
It literally petrifies me.

I try to imagine what it’s going to feel like but it just sends me into panic when I try.

It’s making me feel really miserable and I’m struggling to find enjoyment in life because, well what’s the point if we’re just going to die.

I feel like I’m just waiting for the day that darkness will be my forever. 😭

I’ve felt like this for years now and it’s not going away.

I lost my friend vert suddenly 12 years ago, and I think this triggered my fear.

I have panic attacks if I have to go to funerals and I couldn’t ever imagine seeing someone dead.

I don’t know how I’m ever going to enjoy life because what is there to enjoy when death is just there waiting to take us.

I feel like I’m just waiting for the day that darkness will be my forever

What do you mean? You didn't used to be alive. Did you mind the darkness for the eternity before you were born, or did you not really notice it?

Op sorry no time to rtft but I really feel for you - anxiety of this level is the pits - do you know Ecclesiastes 3:

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

I find this verse very comforting. There is a time for everything. Death is part of life. Humans are one small part of that. I work with animals and so I am close to it. It's the cycle of life. One isn't conscious of anything before one was born and I imagine death to be something like that. I personally hope there is a heaven. I am culturally Catholic; I think God is another word for the love between people. And I hope I will find it after I die but if not, I will probably not be aware of it.

There is nothing much we can do about it so the things I find helpful are: do the best for others and focus on them while you are on earth as best as one possibly can (we are all human and fail constantly at this but it's important to try I think) and try (if you don't already) to live with an animal. They live in the present. They are not depressed about the past or anxious about the future. They make the most of life while they are here. They are accepting when they are ill or become elderly. And that is a comfort. They set us a good example.

OP I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder. When it's bad I am overwhelmed with a fear of death. I have had 2 really bad episodes in my life. It literally overwhelms my waking hours and as you say I can't enjoy life as a result. Please go to the doctor. I was really embarrassed, but honestly my GP was so understanding.

You need to reframe this. You have anxiety which is overwhelming your life (I guarantee if it was not death, it would be health or something else).

I took medication and had CBT and gradually the fear lifted. I sometimes think about death now, but it doesn't overwhelm me. But I also know if I get to that stage again I need to go to the doctor, because the chemicals in my brain are out of sync and need assistance.

feedmegin:
I struggle to accept that my non existence is going to be eternal. It literally petrifies me .
I try to imagine what it’s going to feel like but it just sends me into panic when I try .

But you do already know what it is going to feel like. It is going to feel exactly like it felt for you in your eternal non-existence before your birth.

What did that feel like? Nothing at all. That is what your future eternal non-existence is going to feel like too. Everything that was true for you then will be true for you in future. No pain, no anxiety, no worries, no nothing ...

It seems irrational to worry about future non-existence when you know exactly what it is going to be like (nothing!); your past non-existence causes you no worries, so why should your future non-existence?

The answer, of course, we know: your worry is irrational. This is why you need CBT or some other useful therapy to get you on an even keel.

We can ask what causes the irrational fear of death, of course, too. And, again, we can make a pretty good stab at the answer. Here it is: you confuse being dead with dying. The fear of dying has evolved in us all, for obvious reasons: our ancestors, lacking a fear of dying, would most likely have died (!) earlier, and the human race would itself very likely have itself died out (or perhaps more realistically, not have evolved in the first place).

That is all very interesting, but most likely does not help you, OP. You need therapy, as many pp have said.

One more pointer to the irrational nature of your fear, OP. You say, ' I don’t know how I’m ever going to enjoy life because what is there to enjoy when death is just there waiting to take us .' ...

'Death awaits, so I cannot enjoy life.' Hmm. Many have argued the contrary: 'Death awaits, so I must enjoy life as much as I possibly can.' We get to choose between the former and the latter, it seems. Me, I advocate the latter. Why? -- Simple: more fun!

Lots of art, literature about all this, of course. Maybe an alternative to therapy? (Or itself a kind of therapy? -- Not, really, but deep and interesting discussions to be had about why not.) Here's something,

Ah, fill the Cup:—what boots it to repeat
How Time is slipping underneath our Feet :
Unborn TO-MORROW, and dead YESTERDAY ,
Why fret about them if TO-DAY be sweet !

Best thing anyone ever told me - "Fear doesn't keep you safe"

I feel like the OP and it is comforting to know that it's very similar to how I was before I was born - blissfully unaware - but now I have my children I feel so sad about never seeing them again and leaving them behind

You need to seek medical help OP.

However unlikely you think it is that anything could take away your fear of death, OP, surely it's worth trying the things that posters are suggesting, since they have worked for other people and this us clearly having a big impact on your life?

As for trying to imagine what it feels like to be dead- it doesn't feel like anything! Did you feel anything before you were born/conceived? Is it scary to think that you didn't exist before then? If not, then why is it any scarier to think that you won't exist after your death?

I can’t think about this too much it leaves me in a state of utter dread and panic but just wanted to say you are not alone

I can be a little bit like this although to be honest, since being with my mum when she died made it a bit easier as I saw how peaceful it can be.

I do sometimes worry though as I can't imagine not being in the world but then I just tell myself the world was here for billions of years before I was, and it will just be like that again.

I believe in reincarnation though, not from a religious aspect and maybe because to me it's better to believe in that than to really know there is nothing after death.

You are not alone but you can't let it take over your living years. I would definitely try and arrange some form of counselling. No they can't change the fact that one day you will die, but they may come up with a tactic to help you deal with those feelings.

I worry about this too. I worry what will happen to my daughter if I die prematurely. That is the bit that gets me mostly.
I also worry about the nothingness, I also think, why are we living if we are just going to die anyway? I want to live always and I never ever want to be nothing. It does not affect my everyday thoughts but has def been something I think about a lot more since my mam died 3 years ago.

In addition to therapy and planning for your death, how about exploring death in culture? Read books (I like His Dark Materials), check out Death Cafés, watch Ask A Mortician on YouTube, explore faiths (Egyptian, pre Christian Maya), visit/go on a tour of a cemetery like Highgate, or the Glasgow Necropolis.
I work at a cemetery that also does tours, we celebrate lives lived. People aren't just forgotten - though I would recommend getting a good quality granite headstone if you still want it to be legible in 150 years, with an interesting/dramatic inscription!

I am not sure how old you are OP, but I had this fear when I was younger, particulary when my DC were young, It seems to have lessened as I get older, I now feel more comfortable with death but i do still have the odd panic stricken moment when I wake up in the middle of the night feeling scared that I am about to die. I am in my fifties now and its weird but the older I get and the closer to death the less I am worrying about it, I hope you get some help as its a horrible fear to have.

I like a pp post about the sun and life circling.

At the end we must all die, but we can enjoy life, we are lucky to have a conscience and be able to enjoy life and nature.

The earth and universe are billions of years old, we weren't around then and won't be here in a billion years. In that time the world will change, for better or most likely worse if we continue to abuse our planet.

Enjoy life now, every day is beautiful. Live while you are alive, think about death as it happens. It is just another cycle we go through.

I think you just have to embrace death, and decide that it just cannot envelope you in such a negative way.

I’d say therapy would be your best bet.

Also...check out ask a mortician on YouTube, she talks a lot about death acceptance etc etc and I’ve followed her for years. She’s very interesting.

OP this helps me, death is no more to fear than the time before your birth, where were you then? For millions and millions of years you didn’t exist before you were born and it was fine wasn’t it?

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. To be honest I don’t really understand the concept of trying to imagine what it’s going to feel like. It won’t feel like anything. If you try to imagine what it felt like before you were even conceived, does that help? It didn’t feel like anything, because you weren’t there to experience anything.

Also I recommend reading Happy by Darren Brown, the section of death is amazing. Talks about how important death is in giving life meaning and actually makes you realise how awful it would be to live forever.

This isn’t going to be a popular comment and I’m not religious but I do think religion can offer support to those that struggle to make sense of traumatic situations. My brother joined the church after a traumatic period in his life. He also did counselling. He found religion offered a narrative and a support network that counselling didn’t. He doesn’t attend church any more but for a period in his life, it really helped him.

OP, what you are suffering from is no different to any other phobia such as a fear of spiders, or a fear of heights etc. and is very curable, if you decide that you want to be cured.

Find a respected hypnotist/hypnotherapist and pay for a couple of sessions.

Don’t go down the anxiety medication route as that just masks the symptoms but doesn’t deal with the underlying cause.

You need to celebrate life. There is wonder all around you. I’m an ITU nurse and I too have done last offices and I believe we have a soul too and that is eternal. To dwell on death will rob you of life. Life is for living. That’s the point of it.

You need to flip your way of thinking. CBT can help.

Instead of thinking "what's the point in life if I'm going to die"
Think "I am going to die one day and life is a gift, I better make the most of it"

Some people don't get the chance to make it past a few hours old. You have lived far longer than that. You need to learn to appreciate it.

Life is a gift it is also one long struggle with happiness slotted between the trauma and hurt.

Life isn't supposed to be all roses. It fucking hard sometimes. But you are here. Today.

Today is all we have. Maybe tomorrow dosent exist.
But today does. And you need to learn to be thankful for that.

Death is a nothing. It dosent actually exist.

You can't imagine what it will be like because it's not reality. It's the same as before you were born. It dosent exist. The world only exists when you're in it. Before and after the world is no longer there.

Get some therapy. Change your way of thinking. It's so so worth it OP. You deserve to enjoy your life without the anxiety of death.

The only certainty in life is death.

Also, a less popular suggestion, would maybe looking into religion and faith maybe help?

I’m Pagan and I believe in reincarnation of the spirit and the wheel of life. I think that helped me a lot with death acceptance tbh and the pagan community in general has a very accepting view of death. There’s a book called ‘the pagan book of living and dying’ and in that it says ‘imagine if we truly understood that decay is the matrix of fertility, we might view our own aging with less fear and distaste and greet death with sadness, certainly, but without terror’

I think finding your own path and comfort system is important and it may be worth exploring along with therapy and anxiety support.

I have felt like this since I was a child, less so now as I obviously have a better understanding of life and death. It is a panicky fear of not existing anymore, and when it hit me i would actually run around in circles as if there was something I was trying to get away from. I told my father about - he was a very blokey down to earth sort and he told me he had had the same problem in his late childhood and early teens. When he did get lung cancer and die after a long illness in his 60's he was peaceful and accepting of the situation, quite philosophical actually. I have not had an "attack" for a while and only this thread reminded me it happens from time to time. OP, our symptoms seem to be far worse than mine were, and I feel that this syndrome is not actually too closely relate to death itself but the strange concept of not existing. I'd also suggest you get some support with it.

Sorry haven’t RTFT only skimmed and seen some great responses

I watched my DM die of cancer when I was 16, quite literally, as I was in the room with her when she died.
I do have a passing fear of death. However, I have had some counselling which has helped with perspective. The other choice I made was don’t put stuff off for later. Get out there and live life now because none of us can control what will happen in the future. Letting your fears control what you are doing won’t change your your death but they can really diminish your life.
Please get some support for your fears and find a way to make the most of the life you have.