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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be sick of writing a reference for her?

102 replies

MiaMarshmallows · 23/02/2021 19:38

I agreed to be a reference for a colleague last year. Since then I have been asked to write numerous references as they seemingly never get the job they want.
AIBU to say I want to be taken off the list as a reference and also, has this happened to anyone else?

OP posts:

Pancake4life · 23/02/2021 19:39

copy and paste

FossilisedFanny · 23/02/2021 19:40

Can’t you just keep a copy of the reference on your computer and send the same one each time?

Original poster

MiaMarshmallows · 23/02/2021 19:41

It's also a question of why she is not getting the job as I have had to write about 4 or 5 in the last few months.
Yes, I will just copy and paste in the future.

OP posts:

Skysblue · 23/02/2021 19:43

Depends if you dislike her / have to work with her. I’d be pretty upset if someone refused to give me a reference.

Ylvamoon · 23/02/2021 19:43

We only ever give out basic references... X worked her from ....to ...

Mrgrinch · 23/02/2021 19:44

@MiaMarshmallows

It's also a question of why she is not getting the job as I have had to write about 4 or 5 in the last few months. Yes, I will just copy and paste in the future.

Because jobs are scarce at the moment, surely that's obvious.

oblada · 23/02/2021 19:44

Just copy and paste, it's not really her fault honestly.
It's weird she never gets the jobs tho, references are normally the very last hurdle and only awful references would stop a recruitment process in its track.

Skysblue · 23/02/2021 19:45

Ps the job market is TOUGH right now. I know someone who just got a great job (promotion and pay rise ) after FIVE months of searching while unemployed since being made redundant. He had sooooo many interviews and near misses.

If you are in secure employment that’s great for you but not a reason to sneer at someone for not getting their first 4-5 applications.

Skysblue · 23/02/2021 19:46

Maybe your references are equally sneery in which case perhaps the reason she’s not getting jobs is you.

Nohomemadecandles · 23/02/2021 19:46

Bit mean minded. It's hardly arduous

Hardbackwriter · 23/02/2021 19:47

Do you work in a profession where it's normal to ask for references pre-interview? If not it's very odd that she keeps getting as far as references and then having offers withdrawn. If you do then it might be annoying but it's also par for the course that you'd have to do a lot of references.

Original poster

MiaMarshmallows · 23/02/2021 19:47

Not necessarily.
I used to ask for references quite early on in my old job. It was just the way we did things. Also, two candidates can be very good early on and you want to try and separate them so you can pick out the right person.
She is job seeking so is unemployed. I'm just surprised that I have been asked a good few times over a number of months as thought she would have got something by now even if just temporary,.

OP posts:

Nohomemadecandles · 23/02/2021 19:47

Unless your references are the reason she's not getting jobs...

BippityBoppityBop · 23/02/2021 19:48

@MiaMarshmallows

It's also a question of why she is not getting the job as I have had to write about 4 or 5 in the last few months. Yes, I will just copy and paste in the future.

I've know people need a lot more than three or four attempts to get a job. Not everyone walks into the job they want on the first handful of tries, even pre covid, my friend must have had 20 interviews before securing a minimum wage job. I'd imagine for better paid jobs there's a lot more competition.

MadameButterface · 23/02/2021 19:49

@MiaMarshmallows

It's also a question of why she is not getting the job as I have had to write about 4 or 5 in the last few months. Yes, I will just copy and paste in the future.

Gosh yes I can’t think of any reason why anyone would be struggling to find a job at the minute

Original poster

MiaMarshmallows · 23/02/2021 19:50

Five months of searching is nothing though. Most people would find that a success if they found something in that short a time.

This employee has been looking for about a year. Seems to get to the last hurdle and then a month or so on, I will get another request. No problem being shortlisted but gets piped to the post each time.
It is frustrating when employers want a written reference. I would rather they just call me.

OP posts:

titchy · 23/02/2021 19:52

@MiaMarshmallows

Five months of searching is nothing though. Most people would find that a success if they found something in that short a time.

I'm sure she is feeling far more frustrated

If it's such an effort for you to spend 30 seconds every few weeks responding to a reference request why don't you write her a full and glowing reference and send it to her so you're not disturbed.

dudsville · 23/02/2021 19:53

I've had this with a few people over the years. It is tiresome.

oblada · 23/02/2021 19:58

@MiaMarshmallows

Not necessarily. I used to ask for references quite early on in my old job. It was just the way we did things. Also, two candidates can be very good early on and you want to try and separate them so you can pick out the right person. She is job seeking so is unemployed. I'm just surprised that I have been asked a good few times over a number of months as thought she would have got something by now even if just temporary,.

Aside from the fact that I don't think it's very nice/fair to ask for references early on (very awkward when ppl are still in work) I'm not sure what you're got to complain about since this is a practice you do and support in your industry... So if it is the norm in that field I'm not surprised she has needed 4-5 references over the past year... it's not easy getting a job!

Marleymoo42 · 23/02/2021 19:59

Perhaps be grateful you are in the position of writing references rather than applying for jobs right now

Bungal00 · 23/02/2021 20:03

Aww diddums, much sympathy.

Bandino · 23/02/2021 20:05

Ah don't be so mean. There's a lot of competition and some employers insist on a reference from your last employer up front. Why dont you write her a to whom it may concern type letter? That might cut down the need a bit.

123HereComesTheSun · 23/02/2021 20:06

Why does she need a reference if she's not being offered the job?

ireallyamthewalrus · 23/02/2021 20:08

It’s part of being a manager. At least she has asked. It’s when people don’t even ask that I get annoyed but I do it anyway.

Write a reference and keep a copy then email or or copy and paste whenever it’s needed. Far quicker than a phone call.

NoSquirrels · 23/02/2021 20:09

I’ve never had references requested unless it was absolute final stage and usually after a verbal offer.
Isn’t it illegal to discriminate on content of references, and that’s why they’re all just factual now?

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