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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of writing a reference for her?

102 replies

MiaMarshmallows · 23/02/2021 19:38

I agreed to be a reference for a colleague last year. Since then I have been asked to write numerous references as they seemingly never get the job they want.
AIBU to say I want to be taken off the list as a reference and also, has this happened to anyone else?

OP posts:
Hahaha88 · 23/02/2021 20:09

Wow you're really cold hearted aren't you? I mean poor you having to provide a few references (of which you could have just copied and pasted) whilst enjoying the comfort of your wage every month, it's not like it's going to have been crap for her being unemployed for a year and missing out on a few jobs where she had high hopes she was going to get an offer. Jesus.

AwFeebs · 23/02/2021 20:11

Not exactly a massive hardship is it? Could you not just copy and paste an email?

Jobs are getting harder to get. My friend said they had 100 plus applications for a part time basic admin role.

Lots of competition out there at the minute!

BackforGood · 23/02/2021 20:16

She is job seeking so is unemployed. I'm just surprised that I have been asked a good few times over a number of months as thought she would have got something by now even if just temporary

a) there are literally thousands of people going after some jobs at the moment..... hundreds for quite lowly, unpopular jobs.
b) You say in your industry, you ask for references early on in the process - now that is annoying, not the poor person who hasn't got a job yet
c) even if you have got a temporary / unfulfilling job, you would still continue applying for a better job, surely ?

MY ds has been applying for jobs for a year, he's applied for dozens upon dozens of jobs. But he is also working - just not at something he wants to do all his life.

Perhaps be grateful you are in the position of writing references rather than applying for jobs right now

This ^

Regularsizedrudy · 23/02/2021 20:17

What are you writing in them that requires a new one each time???

SarahAndQuack · 23/02/2021 20:20

I have been looking for a permanent job since 2013, and one of my referees has written me references pretty much every year since (and often more than one a year). Some of those helped me get temp jobs.

I know industries vary, but I think you are being quite unpleasant in your attitude. If you genuinely can't write for her and are just too busy, and you know she has other people she can ask, fine. But I don't understand why you think she should only need so many tries to get a job.

Wiredforsound · 23/02/2021 20:21

This really isn’t a big deal. They’re not looking for a 400 page book on her. I write student references a lot. I have a template:

How long I’ve known them, my role, degree and classification, attended, contributed well in class, did subjects including... yours sincerely. It’s mostly cut and paste after that with some minor tailoring.

GrumpyHoonMain · 23/02/2021 20:23

She might be getting rejected because of your reference. Just write the legal minimum to give her more of a chance

TheyIsMyFamily · 23/02/2021 20:24

@MiaMarshmallows

It's also a question of why she is not getting the job as I have had to write about 4 or 5 in the last few months. Yes, I will just copy and paste in the future.
Have some compassion! Have you not noticed that jobs are being shed left, right and centre and any that come up have 100s of applicants!
thisyearsuckssofar · 23/02/2021 20:25

Just copy and and paste. Or you could even send her a reference, including your phone number/email, in case new employer wants to confirm your reference. Then she could just give this to potential employers.

Given that there are so many people out there looking for work, many no doubt who are on Mumsnet, I'm not sure your little problem is showing much empathy for others. You seem bothered by your own inconvenience and not at all about the poor soul who's looking for work!

HerRoyalNotness · 23/02/2021 20:30

I haven’t got a job in 5 years. Imagine how my reference list feels. Can’t you just do a generic one and send to her? Then she can present it when asked

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 23/02/2021 20:31

It took me a year of volunteering in my field and lots of interviews to get my job - l kept being told l was 2 and and they really liked me but the successful candidate just had the edge so wasn't like l was flogging a dead horse . Eventually when l got my job, l bought my referee a lovely bottle of wine for her trouble. In covid times it is sooo hard to get a job, please be kind to her Op think of it as your good deed for the week each time!

cherry2727 · 23/02/2021 20:34

You sound lovely op! Moaning about having to write multiple references for a friend who is currently unemployed and trying to gain employment! What a lovely friend you are!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 23/02/2021 20:36

Some people are just crap at interviews - they are not naturals at selling themselves. And it's really tough at the moment, the jobs market. There is not much coming up so there is lots of competition when they do. References are actually extra important.

You come across as a bit mean, OP.

Peanutbutterblood · 23/02/2021 20:39

You come across a bit mean. Could you not send her a pdf of a basic reference including your number and she can pass it on and they can call you if they need to discuss further?

That's what my old boss did. I've only used it once but likely will again.

SmallPrawnEnergy · 23/02/2021 20:45

Jesus Christ, just say no the next time someone asks you to be a reference since it seems to be such an arduous task for you.

I wonder what you’re actually writing about her if she keeps failing on receipt of your references Hmm

LadyCatStark · 23/02/2021 20:45

I don’t get it, surely the reference is the same every time?

amixedbag · 23/02/2021 20:46

This sounds about normal for a job search.

You need a standard reference you copy and paste with capabilities and skills.

Don’t lose your good feeling towards them. The market is hard right now.

magicstar1 · 23/02/2021 20:47

Why can’t you just write one and she can print as many copies as she needs?

StarCourt · 23/02/2021 20:56

I was made redundant during first lockdown and finally started a new job yesterday. Thank god I don't have referees like you

Masterpieceontheshelf · 23/02/2021 21:01

But this is your actual job?

Jeez you are a moaner, why haven't you written a reference that you can re-use?

It's not rocket science!

bloodyhairy · 23/02/2021 21:03

Very mean-spirited of you. As the others have said, just copy & paste.

notoffee · 23/02/2021 21:13

Hi you could ask your HR team to send the references on your behalf.
During a pandemic people really really need references.

Copy and pasta and saving the same file or just letting the employer you will send a scanned pdf file should do it - that way it can be a to Whom it may concern, you can even give your ex-employee the pdf ( as a to whom it may concern pdf).

Good luck, please keep giving out references.

Notaroadrunner · 23/02/2021 21:23

You don't need to tailor the reference to each type of job she's applying for so just have one reference on your pc and email it as requested. Nowadays a reference is basically saying that the person worked at your company from x date to y date. You could add that they were punctual and efficient if you wish, assuming she was. There's no need to say much more than that.

GreenSlide · 23/02/2021 21:27

Write a really brilliant one next time and she might get the job and you won't have an extra 2 minutes of admin to do every time she has an interview. Result!

partyatthepalace · 23/02/2021 21:27

@MiaMarshmallows

It's also a question of why she is not getting the job as I have had to write about 4 or 5 in the last few months. Yes, I will just copy and paste in the future.
🤔 you know Op, I think there might be a pandemic on, and I hear that some people are struggling to find work.

Just cut and paste - that shouldn’t kill you, given you are lucky enough to still have a job. 🙄