To want to scream at the misuse of reflexives?

[Whatisthisfuckery]

ARGH!

Where did it come from? Why do people do it? I’m pretty sure it’s a recent thing where people are writing such abominations as ‘please contact myself on...’ or ‘I’d just like to invite x and yourself to...’ No, if you call me ‘yourself’ I’m not coming.

Do people think it makes them’ sound formal or something?

My DS’s form tutor has done it every time she’s emailed me, then today on a video catch up she did it in speech. I’m not sure my face didn’t give me away. I’m sure I visibly cringed, I might have even put my head in my hands. There is no polite or acceptable way to tell your child’s teacher that her incorrect use of language makes you want to repeatedly bang your head against the wall in frustration.

It’s entirely ridiculous and irrational, but AIBU to want to curl up in a ball on the ground and rock backwards and forwards when somebody uses a reflexive where they shouldn’t?

I'm Irish and we use herself, himself, myself etc a lot, it's not to make ourselves sound more formal though

I’ve just RTFT and I see I’m not the only one who associates it with estate agents. I’m sure there’s a linguistics PhD topic in there somewhere

@AryaStarkWolf

I'm Irish and we use herself, himself, myself etc a lot, it's not to make ourselves sound more formal though

I think it’s different for yourselves in Ireland, it’s used differently

Drives me bonkers!

I think it’s different for yourselves in Ireland, it’s used differently

Yeah sounds like it, this is a good explanation of how it's used in Ireland :

Ó Broin explains that in Irish English, the two normally reflexive pronouns himself and herself can be used nominatively—that is, they can be used to indicate the subject of a sentence or even with the verb to be. "So you can say things like 'It's herself' or 'Is himself in?'" Ó Broin says.

Ó Broin clarifies that himself and herself can often be used to refer to somebody of importance, or at least somebody of importance to both the speaker and the listener in the conversation, and that there's a clear understanding between the speaker and listener who is being spoken about. "For example, my sister is in hospital right now about to give birth to a baby," Ó Broin says. "So if I were to call her husband up and say, 'How's herself?' it would be absolutely understood that I'm not speaking about Michelle Obama or my mother. The person in question is my sister."

Ó Broin is quite certain this usage came out of Irish Gaelic. He says that Gaelic does not have a reflexive equivalent to English, but that when Irish people assemble a sentence that requires some sort of stress or an intensifier on the subject, they will use the Irish word, féin which means self. "So the Irish sentence, Sé féin atá ann, meaning 'It's him—that one,' becomes translated into Hiberno-English as 'It's himself,'" Ó Broin says. "So it's almost certain that Irish Gaelic is the origin of this phrase, 'It's himself.'"

@GreenLilliesAndViolets

Worse, is Haitch, for H, and allmond for almond.

🤣🤣🤪

Do you know about the use of haitch v aitch in the sectarian divide? Might be time to learn.

@Nocaloriesinchocolate

The construction that irritates me (and I'm sorry I don't know the correct grammatical term) is, for example "I'll be in the living room if anyone calls". DH tends to do this and I always want to reply "where will you (or should I say yourself?!!!) be if no-one calls?"

What should he say?

Does anybody know why 'ect' has become so common? I genuinely can't remember it being a problem even 15 years ago but in the last few years, it has been cropping up with increasing frequency. Presumably, those people who use ect, read 'etc' as incorrect. Do they pronounce or hear it as ec-cetera? I've often wondered.

And what the hell is it with saying 'behaviours' instead of behaviour? Drives me nuts.

@Hoppinggreen

One positive about Covid I haven’t been on a plane and had to listen to frequent uses of Yourself etc by the flight attendants over the tannoy. Major offenders

Or on trains when they say "if you see anything suspicious please contact myself the guard".

@Diverseopinions

Try this then: a text...

'Hi Jay and Ani,

I hope you're all well and not too bored during lockdown.
I was just wondering if I could borrow a couple of eggs from yourselves. I was going to make pancakes, but find I have run out.

I was also wondering if you could kindly print me one photocopy of a document.

Thanks so much!'

Works much better and matches the friendly, but appreciative and not taking for granted style of the text.

Much nicer than all those thoughtless ( though correct 'yous').
Your good selves can also sound thoughtful.

I would just say "I was wondering if you could lend me a couple of eggs as I have run out".

Your use of the word "kindly" is not quite the imperious context that I was referring to - I would still use please in your example, but it's not like the sort of examples I was thinking of where the headteacher says "kindly do NOT park in the disabled bays" or similar. Always with capitals and underlining, obvs. Ditto the newsletter from the doctors - they do shout a lot.

I was in a coffee shop a while ago and the person in front of me asked “can I get a coffee” and the barista replied “no I’m sorry we aren’t self service, would you like me to get one for you?”

There is nothing wrong with "can I get" unless you want to quibble with the can/may distinction, which will probably be gone in a few years anyway. Get means "come to have or hold (something); receive." It does not have some sort of built in reflexive. To ask someone "can I get" can mean "can I receive".

Isn't behaviours a medical term when referring to conditions, such as ADHD and ASD and specific types of presentation which are each singled out and defined by characteristic?

The singular 'behaviour' can sound, thanks to usage, a little bit like the person's attitude, and value-laden ( difficult behaviour/ bad behaviour) but discriminating precisely about a type of conduct, and listing the different manifestations, you make it sound scientific even in non-medical scenarios.

Regarding 'yourself' instead of 'you' and formality, we do it with 'we', don't we? People in business tend to say 'we've been very busy', even if a one man band; they don't say :I've been busy'. They want to distinguish between the personal side of life and the professional. They would probably even say: "We're coming back this way tomorrow". It's not to pretend they have more staff than they do, it's just to take the opinion/ personal/ sense of intention out of the sentence and to give it more of the effect of a passive sentence. Even a single parent like me might say "We tried this approach when they were eight, and then we went to CAMHS" - and not use I.

Passive sentences are used to remove the personal as well as to shift the relative emphasis of subject and object. Police reports would tend to state: ' Help was summoned to an incident at 4 Court Gardens.", not " The next door neighbour called the police because the owner was kicking off".
Estate agents are the same. They want to create some formality and to stress the sense of the client as having a role in all proceedings, but a passive one - things being sent to them and not a point of view or decision on the client's part. Actually, if a generic letter were sent to numerous unspecified clients, an estate agent probably would use 'you' because they wouldn't be needing to avoid the sense of intruding into the realm of the personal and wishes/intent/agency.

Ha! Diverseopinions I had a technician who must have been absent when they did 'intruding into the realm of the personal'. Every bloody thing in that department was hers. My this,my that. 'I'll see if I've got one' etc etc despite me being head of department and in control of the budget and stock

The coffee shop smart arse was rude and shouldn't be in that line of work.

Oh yes! Champion. You've reminded me! They do this in shops a lot. Shoe shops, especially. I wonder what the reason is.

Poppycat10

'Kindly' in an imperious way is almost sarcastic. The writer is itching to be blunt and thinks a 'kindly' will mask that. Does that example of the school car park count as passive aggressive?

Peacesnddoves

The irony of the modern world is that auto-correct makes fools of us all. It got your 'I know see their misuse....'

So annoying. Along with vocal fry and ending sentences with the voice rising so that every answer sounds like a question!

I see and hear many other examples of poor grammar every day, including BBC radio, news presenters, in books and magazines. I thought that editors were employed to check such things, but clearly not any more.

The best use of the reflexive or whatever on Mumsnet was the poster on a two-year-old tantrum thread who wrote about her nephew who had been getting jealous and upset because his mum was holding his three-week-old sister. Then the little one was passed to his aunt - ' Is that better?' he was asked. No, it wasn't . Finally, his mum asked ' Where do you want her to go? ' and he interrupted his tantrumming to say: 'On the floor, on her own self'!

That anecdote makes me smile whenever I think of it!. The dear little chap.

Flicking through the DM website earlier (yes. I know) part of a title said "off of". Grrr.

@Ihopeyourcakeisshit

The coffee shop smart arse was rude and shouldn't be in that line of work.

He said it very politely with a smile and you had to be there to see it wasn’t rude at all To me, Get is something you do yourself, or somebody will get something for you so can I get suggests you are going to do it yourself Mind you, you do get a haircut ???!!

Well, if we're going to be pedantic, then you get YOUR hair cut and that's the:
Get+something done verb pattern which is the less formal version of "have+ something done" and is passive usage.

And however "politely" he said it, he was there to give her what she asked for, not correct her English.