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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My children in the garden.

131 replies

C231009 · 22/02/2021 16:28

Hi all, ds and Dd are aged 10 and 5. Both on the spectrum.

I absolutely dread the better weather. It’s a little sunny where I live today so they’ve managed to get into the garden but they are so loud. They don’t seem to have a volume setting just loud 🤣 they end up arguing and shouting at each other too they I end up calling them in. Then they try and talk to all the neighbours - I do discourage this as most neighbours probably don’t want to be bothered.

Instead of using the garden we tend to go out instead but difficult at the minute.

We live on a residential street where lots of households have children but mine seem the loudest.

If you were our neighbour would you get peed off with 2 loud autistic children? Shall I let them play out more? I’m not saying I’m going to let them out for hours on end or at unsociable times but maybe an hour or so a day in the afternoon.

But I just get paranoid that the neighbours will hate us and we will be disturbing them!

OP posts:
Therearenomore · 22/02/2021 17:09

My DM was saying today that one thing she really misses in lockdown is the sound of children playing outside now there's no one visiting and her area is mostly older people. She'd be thrilled to hear your DC.

Disfordarkchocolate · 22/02/2021 17:11

Hours on end would get me down but a regular couple of hours a day would be fine. We have a screamer near me, generally I'm just glad I only have to cope with it once or twice a day (I'm don't cope well with noise). I'd be more annoyed at smoking.

Original poster
C231009 · 22/02/2021 17:11

We have a trampoline, a swing and a few other things to keep them quiet but they seem to like to do peculiar things like brush up and run the garden taps (love water) but they are just so loud!

I don’t think we are nightmare neighbours. Myself and dp are quiet people just out kids are a bit feral at times 🤣

Many of the kids around here play out with their friends and this just isn’t do-able here as cant be unsupervised!

OP posts:
CherryRoulade · 22/02/2021 17:12

When mine were little, I used to have the same worry about elderly neighbours. One once told me she loved hearing them as it reminded her she was still alive. She used to make excuses to go into the garden to speak to them (or us) every time she heard them playing.

Our other neighbours used to pass them punnets of homegrown raspberries and strawberries over the fence.
I wouldn't assume people don't like children playing; they can always say they are too busy to chat. The chap with the fruit was a very keen gardener and sometimes had our son over to 'help' him with odd jobs when he was tiny.
If they scream and fight with each other (as opposed to an occasional minor squabble), bring them in and make them sit quietly, but apart fro half an hour. They'll learn not to.

Symbion · 22/02/2021 17:13

Also in Feb, most adults (especially those with no kids) will be indoors with the windows shut. I think you are worrying too much.

Wish I could get my 2 out of the house more often!

Toddlerteaplease · 22/02/2021 17:14

Wouldn't bother me, as long as they don't do that annoying high pitched screeching.

CovidCrow · 22/02/2021 17:14

It's nice to hear kids playing.
I don't even mind shouting and arguing, what I can't stand though is screaming. Why do kids these days scream so much? When I was a kid you screamed if you were in trouble and that's all.

DogsSausages · 22/02/2021 17:17

My gc love gardening, playing on the mud kitchen and keeping the garden tidy, they get bored easily unless they are doing something with their hands.

safariboot · 22/02/2021 17:18

I am the neighbour. Next door frequently have large groups of children and teens, visitors as well as their own, screaming and swearing in their garden. I do wonder if at least one of them is autistic. Yes, it pisses me off. But I know that legally they're in the right; children playing will not be considered a legal nuisance. (Well, except for when this carried on in defiance of covid laws.)

I think if the parents are clearly trying, even if failing, to control things I'd be less annoyed. All too often though it seems like the children are "put out" to play and ignored by their parents.

safariboot · 22/02/2021 17:20

PS: The noise made me move my study space to the front of the house. We're generally not in the back reception room or back bedroom during the daytime.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 22/02/2021 17:22

I don’t mind children talking over fences etc, it’s sweet. Arguing and shouting at each other isn’t pleasant though if others are out enjoying their gardens and may annoy the neighbors.

Yummymummy2020 · 22/02/2021 17:22

No wouldn’t bother me at all, never did before I had kids either. I agree with the poster that said unless you live in the middle of nowhere you expect noise!

whiteroseredrose · 22/02/2021 17:23

The only way to avoid noise from neighbours is to live in the middle of nowhere. Otherwise you have to accept that children pay in gardens and that their fun can be noisy.

If you're clearly making the effort to hush them when they get OTT, and if they're not out constantly that is fine.

Unfortunately one of our neighbours spends his time trying to make his DC scream.... Not ok!

TidyDancer · 22/02/2021 17:23

@nokidshere

It's like a morgue round here right now, I would be very happy to eat people going about their business and children playing out.
Is it like a morgue because you've eaten them all? 😂
Porcupineintherough · 22/02/2021 17:26

I'd be happy to hear them as long as not constant screaming (and I do mean screaming, loud voices are fine) and Id be happy to have a quick chat but not to become a spectator sport in my own garden.

HikeForward · 22/02/2021 17:27

I think as long as they’re not screaming, yelling or being loud for long periods of time neighbours won’t mind. But I think you need to be out there supervising if they’re prone to bickering and also remind them not to bother neighbours.

Talking to people over the fence can be intrusive to some, especially with lockdown when their garden is their ‘safe space’ and they don’t want to be bothered by kids.

Seasidemumma77 · 22/02/2021 17:28

I love hearing children out in their gardens during the day.

GameSetMatch · 22/02/2021 17:29

My husband came down from his office today moaning about noisy children in the garden, only to be told they were his noisy children.

Let the kids have some fun, a few hours if children noise is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

ThisAintNoPartyThisAintNoDisco · 22/02/2021 17:31

Playing and a bit of general noise I’m ok with that. Regular arguing, screaming and bothering me - yes it would.

PassionPeach · 22/02/2021 17:40

Our back neighbours have 2 loud kids that spend every sunny day out in the garden, which is 100% fine, but they are constantly at each other's throats, battering each other and screaming. It's absolutely not an issue when they're playing nice, but it only ever lasts about 10 minutes before the screaming starts and the mum comes out and joins in too. Today for example, because it was nice, I opened the window while I did some work to get some fresh air in. It lasted about an hour before they came out and started up with the scrapping, so I just closed the window, put some music on and that blocked most of it out. It does annoy me, but I can also do things to deal with it. Don't worry too much about it OP.

littlepandawantstoplay · 22/02/2021 17:40

Kids playing noises no problem but kids arguing and fighting would annoy me and I would wonder where the parents are. If this happens let's say between 9am-7pm everyday (especially during the holidays) I will probably sell my house and move! Sorry.

Blondiney · 22/02/2021 17:40

This is one of the reasons I'm looking for a house in the backend of nowhere. I am a fiercely miserable bitch though to be fair.

HikeForward · 22/02/2021 17:45

I think I raise my voice more than my DD in the garden tbh. She interrupts every job I’m trying to do, tramples my plants, squashes flowers, asks hundreds of questions and constantly wants to play I Spy (yelling clues across the garden at me!)

Eventually I lose patience and tell her to play on her own and stop distracting me. Or I shout at her to stop running under my feet or behind me for the 10th time, especially if I’m carrying heavy tools or buckets of compost.

Or she’ll turn the hosepipe on and soak the woodshed for no reason (after being told not to over and over) or starts whacking fences with a stick, then I get cross and shout. Then she shouts back and we usually we go inside!

I only take her out in the garden for a couple of hours a day though and try to time it with when neighbour’s using his power tools to drown out any noise!

I do shush her but it’s exhausting.

RoseMartha · 22/02/2021 17:45

The constant one volume is exhausting isnt it. I take/took my dc out to countryside or beach. As when we lived in a house my neighbours were always complaining my asd child made too much noise. In a flat now and they are at secondary but I still take them out for a run.

On the other hand while my asd dc is too loud. Asd dc expects everyone else to quiet. 🙄

oakleaffy · 22/02/2021 17:47

@C231009
I can’t bear loud kid noise, shouting shrieking and have read online of people who are so disturbed by over loud kids that they install a device that is meant to make kids quiet..
A chap I know with two quiet teenaged DC moved house to escape a loud family.
Next doors kids are very bearable as they don’t screech.
There is a kid who has a very carrying voice with a strange hooting quality like a foghorn ...
I dread summer too😂